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My “Titletown” Post

June 20, 2011 By 4 Comments

You served me well my playoff beard

Let’s just start this t-blawg post like this. 10 years. 4 teams. 1 city. 7 championships.

That’s right. Boston is “Titletown” and nobody else can claim that. I can turn this post into one hell of a bragging rights session about Boston’s sports dominance because let’s face it. Nobody can talk Boston better than me. But I’m not going to do that. Not today anyways. Instead I am going to write about why the nickname “Titletown” is more than just about the championships and bragging rights for my city. I would like to direct you to the pic just above. Oh snap. Is that Milan Lucic?! No. It’s not. It’s me. Rocking my “#24 Terry O’Reilly” Bruins hat and my Bruins playoff beard. That’s right. A full length playoff beard and my favorite Bruins player as a kid. That’s how far back I go. That’s how loyal I am. That’s Boston. Pure, loyal, hard-working, fighting, earning every inch and every win, Boston. And the Boston Bruins recent Stanley Cup championship has shown that. Just like how I showed my loyalty every day during their playoff run by going months without shaving. To show my dedication to my team. To my city. The Boston Bruins were the last of the “No championship winning. Boston sports teams suck. Wait ‘til next year.” teams. We waited. We fought. We stayed loyal. All of us. And yes I use the term “we” when describing my teams. My city. Its people. My people. Why? Because that’s “Titletown”. That’s Boston.

As a little kid I wore my Easter basket on my head and took slap shots of foil puck balls off of my grandfather as he played goalie with his slipper. We were the Black and Gold. Not the Black and Yellow for all you come lately bandwagon pink hatters! My old Italian Papa and I were the Bruins and they never won The Cup when my grandfather and I had our time together before he passed away. This Stanley Cup win was for him. For me. For Boston. Just like the Pats did it for us. Just like the Sox did it for us. And the same as the Celtics. The teams represent the people. Our heart. Our class. Our love. Our loyalty. Our sports teams just give us the spotlight we need to shine every now and then. But it’s always there. Always was. Always will be. The 2010-2011 Boston Bruins were the last of the losers in other cities’ eyes. But never in the eyes of Boston. The Cup just made it official. We all knew we would win it. Eventually. It’s not optimism. It’s just how we are. We are confident enough to know we will win and never falter when the naysayers say we can’t. We won’t. Because Boston will win. Just like me. Just like everybody else with Boston blood in their veins.

History shows all the great battles that took place in Boston. All the wars fought. All the blood spilled. And I’m not talking about sports now. I’m talking about Paul Revere. The Revolutionary War. The Boston Massacre. This city has been fighting, kicking ass and winning way before it had any sports teams. It’s people are a part of history. Hell, even the Kennedys come from my old loyal & tough as nails neighborhood of Eastie! We’ve always fought here. Still do. We’ve always strived to be the best. We work at it. You see it. You hear it in “The Accent”. You see it in our ever-growing popular Oscar-winning Boston-based movies. And you now know it from the 10 years of complete and total sports dominance. Boston was always “Titletown”. Will always be “Titletown”. Whether our sports teams are putting trophies in cases or not. We know we’re “Titletown”. We know nobody else can make that claim. And now you all know it too. Boston….what?!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Comedy, Crazy, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Family, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Movies, Opinionated, Social Media, Sports, t-blawg, Titletown, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “Why The Hell Is This Expensive?!” Post

June 13, 2011 By 4 Comments

There's about $5000 worth of guacamole right there

We live in a world of expensive taste. Expensive things. I get it. I make a good living. I can afford nice things. But there are some things in this world that are way too expensive for no good reason whatsoever and it pisses me off! It’s not the money. It’s the principle! Some people have a lot of balls charging ridiculous prices for everyday things. And these things should not be expensive! You want to know what they are? Well I’ll tell you dammit. And I’ll also let the world know how much they should be and why.

Razors
I live in downtown Boston and I pay $18 for a 4 pack of razors. Are you shitting me??? Do I get a reach around from some CVS cashier in back for paying that much? I’m Italian so I should shave everyday. But I like a day’s stubble on my face so I go every other day. But if I shaved everyday like I’m supposed to according to corporate America guidelines, that means I’ll go through a razor a week. That’s $216 a year on stupid razors! A pack of razors should be $6 tops.

Gym Memberships
Downtown Boston gyms are ridiculous. A lot of people just pay to either not go and say they belong to a certain gym or go like once a month to say they workout. And monthly rates vary from $80-$300 a month. That is nuts. I grew up in a neighborhood where I paid $19 a month. It had rusty weights and treadmills with shards of metal sticking out that could kill you. That’s all I needed though. I don’t need a pretty gym. Just give me the basics. Unfortunately, I don’t have a basic cheap gym option in downtown Boston. But I have a way with words and negotiated a set $69 a month for a high-end gym. But no way should any gym membership be more than $30 a month. No way.

Christmas Trees
I’ve never been big on getting a Christmas tree while living on my own. Never saw the point. I mean Santa hates my guts. I don’t have kids. I’m not in a serious relationship. Why the hell would I get one?! But I’m also anti-fake trees. They look stupid. If you’re going to get one, might as well be the real thing. I’ve gotten one like 3 times in my life. And I hate paying what they ask. And I see what people with kids are willing to pay for these future fire hazards. Like around $60-$150. Really?! The thing will be dead in like 2 days and all you really get from them are fucking pine needles in your car trunk and all over your house for years later. Why pay that much? They all should be $15 max. Or pull a Clark W. Griswold and go steal a tree by ripping it out of the ground. Preferably from your asshole neighbor’s yard.

Mixed drinks
I drink Jack Daniels & Ginger Ale. It’s My Signature Drink! When I go out in Boston, it costs me an average of $10 per Jack & Ginger. Now I did the math. I can buy a 750ml bottle of Jack at the liquor store for $18. A bottle of ginger ale is $2. That’s $20. And I can get a solid 13 buzz worthy drinks out of that. For $20. That would cost me $130 at the bar for that shit, tip not included! And the bar/lounge/club gets that shit from a distributor even cheaper than what we pay at the liquor store! The bar spends around $12. That’s $118 profit per bottle. WTF?! That is ridiculous. A mixed drink in any city should not be more than $5.50 per drink. Period. Make this law!

Cologne
Really?! I like to smell nice. I do. So I have no choice. And it’s Bro Code. But they come in like dixie cup sizes that last like a week! $42 for like a 7 spray bottle?! $70 for like a 12 spray bottle?! Go fuck yourself Ralph Lauren! Somebody invent some good smelling cologne that comes in a jug for around $18 that lasts 5 years! Call it Man Shit cologne. Thank me later.

Cable
I pay $173.19 a month for my HD cable with DVR/HBO and wireless internet. No need for a home phone. I hardly watch TV live except for sports. But I need this package. The cable people are criminals with licenses to legally operate. It’s bullshit. They try to ass rape you every time their service or equipment stops working too! It’s their fault, yet we have to pay. My combo package should be no more than $37 a month. If I was still a young asshole, I would be stealing cable like my father did when I was a kid. He was right about that. Probably the only thing he was ever right about.

Dry Cleaning
I only wash my gym clothes, socks, boxers, t-shirts and towels. The rest of my stuff I send out to the dry cleaner. Been this way since I was like 14 years old because as much as I love my mother, she couldn’t wash clothes for shit. My stuff would turn colors and shrink every damn time. I looked like a Hawaiian hippie wearing baby clothes. But as a grown man who wears suits to work and likes to have nice clothes, I rack up one hell of a dry cleaning bill weekly. Why the hell does it cost around $16 to dry clean a suit? It’s just a pair of pants and a jacket. $3 for a button up shirt with a little starch?! $7 for a pair of pants?! My dry cleaning can max out at almost $100 a month. I should be paying $35 max. I should look into buying some dry cleaning equipment for my house. Start a home business. Hmmm.

Milk
I pay an average of $5.19 for a gallon of milk. I drink a gallon a week. Been drinking skim for about 15 years. Shouldn’t skim milk be less than whole, 2% and 1%?! I think so! But it’s not. That’s some bullshit. Milk is still from a cow right? I mean is the planet running out of friggin’ cows or something? They’re cows. Not snow leopards. Milk should not be more than $3.25 a gallon.

Movie tickets
I’m a movie guy. I go for pleasure. For my business. I see every movie. EVERY movie. So I go every week. It’s $11 a ticket. $13 if I see a shitty 3-D movie. If I take a date and get her some popcorn and a drink? You’re talking like a million dollars a year for me! No exaggeration. Come on Hollywood! You’ve been putting out shit for years. Drop your ticket prices. A movie ticket should be $4 tops. And if the movie sucks, I should get half back right?

Chipotle guacamole
Oh you fuckers. Hey I like guacamole on my damn burrito. Wow. That sounded dirty. What I don’t like is having to pay an extra $1.95 to get it on my burrito at Chipotle! What the fuck are they thinking?! It’s guacamole! Not oil. Not gold. Guacamole. Assholes. This shit should be free of charge just like all the other options I have for my burrito. Smarten the fuck up Chipotle!

So those were my gripes on everyday things that are way too expensive for no reason whatsoever. I gave my suggestions for what they should really cost. Can we get somebody on this? Thanks.

What do think? Agree or disagree??? Anything rub your ass the wrong way that you would like to vent about and suggest a cost that you think is proper? Let me know here on t-blawg or on Facebook or on Twitter!

Until next time. Always take it there.
T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Business, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Money, Movies, Opinionated, Social Media, t-blawg, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “T-isms-Things Only T Says” Post

June 6, 2011 By 5 Comments

This whole damn blog is a t-ism! Keep stealing from it and...I won't sue. I will cut you.

Some people say I have a way with words. And I’m not just talking about my writing. I’m talking about my talking. My passion. My habits. My originality! I’m Italian. I love to talk. I’m from Boston. I have an opinion. And I say things a certain way. You remember this post? But I also have sayings. Things I say all the time. If you hang out with me for a night you would hear a lot of things you’ve never heard before come out of my mouth. Mostly original. Some familiar but with a T twist to them. Here are some of my long running and popular sayings. Which I dubbed “T-isms”.

I will cut you.-One of my favorites. Not used as often these days.
When somebody pisses me off I often find myself saying this to the person. Or to my buddies who have to calm me down. Because when I start talking about cutting somebody, somebody just might get cut. And I don’t even have a knife on me! That’s the funny part. It’s a representation really. Of what I might do. Because my closest people know I’m capable of almost anything! So at this point in the night, if somebody is pissing me off and I’m talking about cutting somebody, STOP GIVING ME SHOTS!!!

I said/wrote that. Steal it and I’ll sue.-Used way too often!
The things I say. The things I write. I talk. I text. I tweet. I facebook update. All original T copyrighted material. And SOOO many people rip off my shit without giving me credit. All the damn time. I constantly hear people using my jokes. Telling my stories as if they are their own. Saying my sayings. Using my facebook updates as their fucking own! I don’t mind people using my material. But quote the original source fucker! And that’s T!!! So sometimes I have to write or say “I said/wrote that. Steal it and I’ll sue.” after I put something out there just to let people know. Fucking crooks.

Slampig.-I avoid them now. But they’re still out there! Lurking.
I did not create this. I don’t know who did. Or when. All I know is, this word has been around East Boston for generations. Since it was Noddles Island I think. It describes a dirty chick who banged a bunch of dudes but is still hot looking and easily bangable. She’s a slampig. Used it all the time as a kid and teenager. Everybody from Eastie did. As an adult. With an education. With a good career. With a business. With nice things. I still use it. I brought it into my adult awesome Boston biz life vernacular. And I introduced it to a new group of friends and biz contacts. A new audience. A new world. And I’m damn proud of it.

My spots.-Almost every time I talk about some place I’ve been to more than once.
I frequent many bars, clubs, lounges, restaurants, gyms, movie theaters, businesses….whatever. Wherever I go, often, that place is my spot. I call it my spot. It’s my spot. Not your spot. My spot. Get your own damn spots. Just not my spots. Ok? Good. And once you have a spot of your own, don’t call it your damn spot either. Call it your joint. Or your place. Or your stripe. I don’t give a fuck what you call it! Just don’t use “my spot”. I will cut you.

Stop it.-Too often! Too many people talking about nonsense.
In the middle of a conversation if I start to realize you are making no sense or you are a complete fucking idiot, I will calmly close my eyes, wave my hand and say “Stop it.” And that’s it. Nothing else. Conversation over. Stop talking now.

Eye fucking the shit out of me.-Every time I’m drinking. Doesn’t matter. Every time.
Yes this is from the great comedy classic “Wedding Crashers”. But ever since this great quotable movie came out in 2005, I have embraced this one quote in particular. So much so that 99 out of 100 times when I’m out drinking with my boys you will hear it come out of my mouth even if a chick looked at me for a millisecond. Yep. I don’t care. If you’re a hot chick and you look my way then you are absolutely eye fucking the shit out of me. Seriously. I don’t care if Brad Pitt is standing next to me. I don’t care if your favorite shitty episode of Sex and the City is on the tv behind me. You look, then you’re eye fucking me! Period. For some reason though, fewer girls eye fuck the shit out of me when I’m sober. Weird.

Pun intended.-Mostly when I’m doing anything t-blawg related.
I pride myself on puns. On one liners. On sexual innuendo. On making people laugh. Whether you’re laughing at me or with me, if I like you, then that makes me happy. Sometimes I have to reiterate myself by saying pun intended. It’s the opposite of those people who always feel compelled to say “no pun intended”. That shit is weird! And stupid. All my puns are intended. As they should be.

“This” (Ex. “This chick was like….” “This dude right here….”. “This asshole said…” “This ‘anything really’”)-Ever since I was able to tell a story. Since I was 2 years-old I guess?!
When I’m telling a story to someone I always use “this” a lot to help. It adds to the effect. Between my energy, the accent and crazy Italian arms flailing like a maniac, it makes for a great show. For example, this is a story you might hear me tell. “I was out the other night with this chick right? I mean this chick was hot. And interesting. For a change right? We were having a good time until this douchebag bartender spills a drink across the bar onto her dress. This girl goes fucking nuts! She starts talking  about how this dress she was wearing cost her like $500. So I say ‘This shit didn’t cost you no $500! Stop it.’” Night over.

Trimming The Fat.-I still trim. But not as much. Thankfully.
I coined this last year when I cleaned out my life. I got rid of every negative person. Every pain in the ass drama causing chick. Cut off every friend and family member who did not contribute to my life in any way when times were tough. I trimmed the fat. And I now say that every time I want to get something or someone out of my life that is not on the T bandwagon. That’s what that is all about baby!

;) -At least every fifth text! Every single text to a hot chick. Fo’ reals.
I don’t do LOL. I don’t do I heart you. I don’t do I miss your face. I’m a man. A straight man. I do this ;) . That’s what T says and texts you. That’s how I’m nice. How I flirt. This ;) is my thing. That’s what you get from T.

I Put the F-U in FUN.-I put it in. Wait…what?
Come onnnnn! Who else would say something like this but me?! Doesn’t sound right if anyone else says it.

Holla!!!-Probably like 6-7 times a week. That’s a good guestimate.
When I’m in a good mood, I’ll yell out “Holla!!!”. I’ll even write “Holla!!!” at the end of a great text. Or a positive facebook update. Or a tweet. I don’t know why. I just do. Been doing it for years. It means I’m in a good mood. Don’t fuck with my good mood. Holla!!!

Nicknames. I give everybody nicknames.-I find myself giving people nicknames out loud. And in my head. It’s scary.
Growing up everybody had a nickname. Sometimes they made sense. Sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes you liked them. Sometimes you didn’t. As a grown man in his 30s, I still give everybody a nickname. Friends, chicks, co-workers, strangers, biz contacts….it doesn’t matter. I give people nicknames. I don’t care if you don’t like it. I will call you that nickname whenever the hell I want. And the more you fight your nickname of “Assholeface”, the more I am going to call you “Assholeface”! Out in public. Around hot chicks. At the gym. During a conference call. At Christmas dinner in front of your grandmother. Ok Assholeface?!

So there you have some of my long running sayings. T-isms. Those who know me well, know all of these T-isms. Those who don’t, hang out with me sometime. We’ll go to one of my spots. You’ll get to know them all pretty well too. Then I’ll give you a nickname. If you don’t like it? Stop it. Pun intended. This slampig right here is eye fucking the shit out of me. Holla!!! ;)

Do you have isms??? What do you say or do that nobody else does? That is entertaining? That are constantly taken from your own awesomeness?! Share here. Or on The Twitter. Or on The Facebook.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Business, Celebrity, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Movies, Music, Opinionated, Party, Sex, Social Media, Sports, t-blawg, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “T Does Atlanta in 3 Paragraphs” Post

May 30, 2011 By 4 Comments

Patrón-We have a love/hate relationship

*I’ve decided to do a series of blog posts that capture my travels throughout my life. In 3 paragraphs. I’ll post them every once in a while. Some places I’ve been to a few times, others only once. And some I will probably never go back to because of what went down there.

I’ve been to Atlanta twice in my life. Both times were for a job training. I was stuck in a hotel with a group of 30 strangers from around the country with no means of transportation. So that meant we all had to hang out with each other and do things close to the hotel. I didn’t like that idea. I hate being secluded and I also hate being told what to do. But that was the itinerary given to us by the company we signed on to work for. It was the same month of June. I went down the first week and last week of the month and it was hot as balls. My knowledge of Hotlanta was that everything was owned by Ted fucking Turner and southern rappers at the time kind of sucked. That’s it. And being stuck in the hotel and its 2 mile radius did not broaden my ATL experience in any way that I had hoped. But being T, I adapted. I always find the fun. And when I can’t, I make it. Or destroy everything in sight while trying. It’s my motto.

There was a cute little young thang that worked the hotel front desk. She was the stereotypical southern gal. Blonde, sun dress, pearls, perky and had that southern drawl that made her sound almost retarded. But in a hot way. My accent and attitude combined with my in yo’ face, flirty yet insulting, city charisma charmed the shit out of her. We walked around the area at night and for the first time in my life I saw fireflies! Which I can only scientifically describe as an invisible drunk ghost trying to light his lighter! That shit was awesome. So, after some chicken fried steak and sweet tea (which is friggin’ delicious) I entrusted her to show me and my group of 30 weird ass strangers a good time. The closest thing to a good time in her big, southern blue-eyed slow brain was this giant barn like nightclub called “Big Roy’s Pig & Shit Barn” or something like that and it had…I kid you not…roller derby going on before it turned into a nightclub. Yeah. Roller fucking derby. Giant, butch females beating the shit out of each other on roller skates. I had never seen such a thing! And as you know from this blog, I done seen a lot in my time. Once they wiped the blood away the DJ came out and hundreds of people packed this place. Drinks were very cheap in Atlanta. And this is where I first had….Patrón.

Mixed drinks are about $10-13 in Boston. A shot of Patrón is about $11. In ATL a mixed drink was $3 and Patrón shots were $4. Now this was 2006. Patrón was only seen in like Lil’ Jon blinged out grails. In rap videos. We didn’t have Patrón in Boston at the time. It didn’t make it’s way up until about 6-8 months later. I really wasn’t a tequila fan at the time but I wanted to try it. My lady friend, my temporary former gang banger roommate from B-More and about half of the mentally challenged crew had already had it before. They were southern. I was Bostonian. We lined up the shots. And that was where my love affair for Patrón began. It went down easier than my southern hotel front desk girl. ZING! Nine shots later I was snapping my fingers to Lil’ Jon and dancing like an idiot on a blood stained roller derby rink yelling out “YEAH!” “WHAT?!” “OKAAAAY!” That was Atlanta for me. I came back to Boston and waited for the day that Patrón finally arrived. Atlanta is ok. It wasn’t the experience I wanted. I need to try it again. But it gave me Patrón and fireflies. For that I’ll always be grateful to the ATL. But I love Boston the best.

What do you think? Does this sound like Atlanta??? Should I go back?! What did I miss out on? Talk to me people!!! Hit me up here on t-blawg itself or on Twitter or on the Facebook page!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Atlanta, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Business, Celebrity, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Movies, Music, Opinionated, Party, Sex, t-blawg, travel, TV, Uncategorized, Women, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “How T-Wood Save Hollywood” Post

May 23, 2011 By 4 Comments

T-Wood save the "biz"!

I’m breaking t-blawg form here. I want to write about something that isn’t the 3 paragraph style. Isn’t a usual yet T original top 10ish list. Isn’t about dating, women, Bro code, sports, Boston, social media, awesomeness, etc. I want to address something that is near and dear to me. And that is Hollywood. The movie biz. You see, I’m not only the most awesome blogger in the history of the whole entire internet. I’m not only a cool ass, sexy, Boston guy. I’m not only a social media maven. But I’m also a screenwriter. Not a paid screenwriter. I’ve been close to it a few times. Have some nibbles on my rod as I write this. Pun intended. But I’m still a screenwriter nonetheless. And as a screenwriter who has been in this game for a few years now, with an arsenal of movie & tv scripts and treatments, I have some serious opinions on the current horrible state of Hollywood and how to fix it. How? Well let me tell you! Hollywood, pay attention.

NO MORE SEQUELS!!!
A sequel for every damn movie that makes just over what it cost to make the original isn’t necessary Hollywood. A sequel should only be made if the writer, cast and crew will be able to continue the story and develop the characters. Don’t do it for an extra buck or two!

NO MORE REMAKES/REBOOTS!!!!
Hollywood likes a proven formula. A built-in audience. I get it. But for every “Dark Knight” there are 20 “A-Teams”. How do you not get this?! Try an original flick now and then.

WE NEED HOLLYWOOD EAST, HOLLYWOOD NEEDS BOSTON. SERIOUSLY.
Look at all the material coming out of Boston! Mystic River, The Fighter, The Town, The Social Network, The Departed, Paul Blart, 21, Fever Pitch, Grown Ups, Zookeeper, What’s Your Number?, Ted & Here Comes the Boom (filming right now) etc. Is this even a question? Forget about the economy, the current state of Hollywood and the first failed attempt at Hollywood East. This needs to happen. Get some major studios to throw in with some major Boston-based companies and form a group to get this thing going. ASAP.

TV NETWORKS NEED TO TAKE CHANCES
NBC is horrible. Must See TV is dead. CBS just spins off their shows. Fox is a junior reality show network. These channels need to take the chances that TNT & USA are learning from FX, HBO and SHOWTIME. Original material is out there, they just need the balls to make it.

PAID WRITERS NEED TO GET BACK TO REAL WRITING
Stop writing safe. Stop writing what you think Hollywood wants you to write. Write something amazingly original and grind until you convince the big wigs to produce. Hollywood needs you and all of you are already in. Remember that.

ACTORS NEED TO ACT, NOT BE CELEBRITIES
Get off of TMZ. Get off Twitter. Get out of the limelight. Act. The actor has been dead for a long time. The celebrity has been in control for too long. Go act your way to credibility again.

MOVIE TICKETS NEED TO BE CHEAPER!
Of course the cost to make movies has risen. So ticket prices must rise. Right. But asking audiences to pay insane prices for low quality movies will make them stay home and wait for the DVD, On-Demand or cable. Make a good movie and the people will pay. Duh.

DVDS MUST COME OUT MONTHS AFTER THE MOVIES. IT’S CALLED A GRACE PERIOD FOR A REASON.
The rush to put out a DVD weeks after the movie is in theaters is ridiculous. I want to want to buy the DVD because the movie was good enough for me to want to own. Not because the movie was mediocre and it’s now on the shelf at Target 2 weeks later.

STUDIOS NEED TO BE OPEN TO ORIGINAL MATERIAL. THIS IS A GIVEN!
Whether it’s from a current writer or somebody trying to break in, the “Not Listening to New Material Pitches” is horrible from both a business approach and shows that Hollywood is blind to the damage they are causing to the art form of great movie making. Listen to new pitches!!! Remember. There was a time when that franchise you have was an original idea pitched to you. Billions and billions of dollars ago. Stupid executive guy.

3D NEEDS TO GO AWAY. FAR, FAR AWAY.
I know it’s not. But how about we compromise. Only make a movie 3D if both the story and visual effects are equally great? Deal?

MAKE IT LAW: DIRECTORS CAN ONLY MAKE SPECIAL EFFECTS FILLED MOVIES ONLY IF THEY MAKE GOOD MOVIES FIRST
Show the audience you can make a good movie first with just a good script, decent cast and a regular camera, then you get to make your 200 million dollar end of the world 3D popcorn flick!

COMIC BOOK MOVIES NEED TO STOP. NOTHING NEW TO OFFER AT THIS TIME.
I waited for years for Hollywood to start making good comic book movies. They finally did. And then once they made some money, the floodgates opened and every single comic book and graphic novel got the green light to be made. Now it’s out of control. Just….stop. Not every comic book needs to be turned into a horrible, pointless movie. If the comic book is lame, what makes you think the movie won’t be as well?

THERE MUST BE GOOD MOVIES DURING SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SEASON
How about this simple formula? For every 3 big budget popcorn flicks a studio puts out from Memorial Day until the end of August, they must put out an original, quality movie that isn’t a sequel, wasn’t made for over $60 mil and didn’t have a trailer during the Super Bowl. Deal?

REALITY TELEVISION NEEDS TO DIE!
That’s it. Period. Or, all the networks should throw money into creating one major network that only has reality shows. Take them off their current schedules and play them on that network 24 hours a day. With DVRs and advertisements, everybody will make money while the main networks can get back to original scripted tv shows.

NO MORE BIOPICS ABOUT KIDDIES LIKE BIEBER AND MILEY WHO HAVEN’T EVEN LIVED THEIR STUPID LIVES YET. REALLY?!
Stop it. No T explanation needed. Just stop it.

STOP BOOTLEGGING PEOPLE! PAY UP.
There are a million easy ways to bootleg things this day and age. I know. But just think about the people who aren’t making the big bucks. Who are just trying to pay their bills. Support themselves and their families. Don’t bootleg just because you can. Just pay. And enjoy the hard work of so many people trying to entertain you!

If Hollywood can address and make these changes, I GUARANTEE the “biz” and the world will be a better place! Trust me. As a writer, businessman and consultant extraordinaire gun-for-hire, I know my stuff. Listen to me now, then thank me later Hollywood. You can reach me here. I’m waiting.

What do you think??? Am I crazy?! Do you like what’s in theaters right now? Are you DVRing and watching shows you really love? I want to know! Hit me up here or on Facebook or Twitter!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Business, Celebrity, Comedy, Different, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Los Angeles, Money, Movies, Opinionated, Screenwriting, Social Media, t-blawg, TV, Twitter, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “Boston Lucky 13 List” Post

May 16, 2011 By 6 Comments

Best of both worlds

So many people from Boston will tell you how great Boston is. And you know what? I’m one of them. You’d be hard pressed to find somebody who puts on for Boston more than me! You’ve been reading this blog right?! Remember posts like this? Or this?! And let’s not forget about the most famous and important blog post in blogging history (Look at that tweet count yo!) Everyday on Twitter and Facebook I put on for Boston. In my real life I put on for Boston. All my friends and family know I’m the go to Boston guy. I know what’s going on. I’m at the big games. I can get us into the hot spots. I know the people you need to know. I’m on the movie sets. At the big events. Out of town friends ask me about Boston all the time. Where to go. What to do. That’s me. That’s T. I’ve always been that guy. Always will be that guy. And I love it. I love Boston. I’m married to the city. My longest commitment. I’m not one to ever complain about her. Never threaten to leave her. Never leave her and then come back again like so many people do to her. Never love her from afar. I’m here. Living and loving Boston! Since birth. Until the day I leave this Earth. I’m more than a Sox hat. So. Some readers and friends have asked me for a while to write about the top things I love about Boston. That’s crazy! There’s so much! Where do I even begin?! So, I started a list. And this post came to be. I decided to do 13. Lucky number 13. I wanted to avoid the gimmicky tourist stuff. And the most common things that make usual obvious Boston lists. But there are so many things I love about Boston. So I just tried my best to make a list that covers all bases. All of T’s bases really. There is no way I can pick and list everything. So I picked 13 things I love about my city. And why. Here they are.

13. The Accent
The accent is our trademark. There is no other accent in the world like it. It’s either the greatest thing to bless your ears or the worst thing you have ever heard. Fact. And not one Boston-based movie has yet to really capture the accent. Come talk to me if you want authenticity. The accent will either capture your heart or make you want to punch me in my face. I’ll take either one.

12. Commonwealth Avenue Mall
The Comm Ave Mall isn’t a building with stores and a food court. No. It’s a string of little parks in the middle of Comm Ave that run the length of the neighborhood of Back Bay. Start at Mass Ave. and work your way down to the Public Gardens. 8 city blocks! It’s a thing of beauty. I’ve spent many mornings running it. Ran into Tom & Giselle. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Saw Mel Gibson shoot a scene. Walked by Bruce Willis drinking coffee. Saw Obama drive by. Watched protesters march. Even saw bloody zombies crawl through once. Strolled through with beautiful women. Including one of my closest Bullpen ladies. We used to talk about life. And I’ve walked through with some beautiful little ladies, my nieces. Where we looked for ninjas and sang about our galoshes. Yes. Wait for that future Uncle T post! Anyways. Walk the Comm Ave Mall! Take in everything around you. Trust me here. T kids you not. It’s Boston at its best.

11. The Charles
The Charles is…well, the Charles. The Esplanade. The Hatch Shell. The River. The sailboats. The fireworks. The parks. The joggers. The bike riders. The view. The duck boats. The skyline. The sun rises. The smell. The sounds. Storrow Drive. The foot bridges. The people. The…Charles.

10. The History
Boston is one of the oldest cities in the world. A lot of events have played out in Boston throughout history. This isn’t a history class. This is t-blawg. But walk around the city. You’ll learn something every single place you go in Boston. I promise. I’m not just talking about the sights. I’m talking about the people. Walk through the North End and chat up an old-timer sitting outside on a bench. You’ll learn things that cannot be unlearned.

9. Museum of Science
I was a kid who paid attention on field trips. I loved learning. I loved being smart. I loved having fun. Still do. This is the best place to go for that. This is my Disney. In my backyard. I take my nieces here all the time as a cover story really. Because I really want to go more than them. I love the dinosaur. I love the electricity room. I love looking for the queen bee in the bee thing. I love the musical steps. This is one of my all time favorite places.

8. Downtown Crossing
Not the greatest part of Boston. It used to have a bad rap because of “The Combat Zone.” Which was full of crime during the 60s & 70s. But as a kid who grew up in the 80s & 90s, this was the part of Boston that people took the train into Boston to go shopping. The big Boston stores were here. Not so much now. But I remember taking the train in with my mother, grandmother, aunt and cousins. I walk through Downtown Crossing all the time, now that I live right in Boston. I think of those times when I was a kid every single time. It’s a time that is long gone, but great memories. This is old school dirty Boston.

7. The People
What can I say? We’re loyal. Honest. Hard working. Funny. Fast paced. Loud. Opinionated. Full of attitude. And look better from the inside looking out then to outsiders looking in. And we like it that way. No better people on the planet. You better believe that.

6. Whiskey’s on Sundays
Tons of places to drink in Boston. Tons of places to get cheap eats. Tons of places to watch the game. No place is better than Whiskey’s on Boylston St. on a cold Sunday afternoon during Pats season. No place. And I also used to get my drinks from Playboy’s Cyber Girl of Year! There’s always lots of smiles and high fives going around in this place. Boston pride baby.

5. Patriot’s Day/Marathon Monday
Patriot’s Day is Boston’s own private holiday. It’s also my favorite day of the year! Along with my birthday. On Patriot’s Day (not our football team by the way) you wake up early, get your day drinking going, go to the morning Sox game, watch the marathon in the early afternoon, do some midday house partying and bar hop into the night. Everybody is off from work. Everybody has a good time. It’s Boston at it’s best!

4. The Pru (The Prudential Building)
The Pru is a tourist attraction. Absolutely. But to me, when I’m out of town and I return back to Boston and get a glimpse of it either from a distance or up close, from an airplane or from the ground, I know one thing. I know I’m home. And I swear to you, that beautiful building is lit up and smiling at me every time.

3. Both Sides of Boston Harbor
I grew up in East Boston. Growing up in Eastie there weren’t too many beautiful things to see. It was a rough neighborhood and you got to watch and listen to airplanes come and go to and from better places. When I was about 9 years old the city of Boston built a harbor walk at the end of Eastie at the harbor. I used to walk it with my mother, aunt and cousins. When I got older, I used to rollerblade it with my cousin. At the end of the walk, you could see Boston. It was the most beautiful thing to see. Years later while working in Boston, I found myself walking behind the Aquarium and stumbled upon a giant compass painted on the ground. It was the Boston Compass Rose. It was at the end of the harbor. I looked across and could see East Boston. I could see exactly where I used to look from the other side. It is now the most beautiful thing to see.

2. Fenway Park
I’ve written about Fenway so many times in this blog. Fenway is Boston. Enough said.

1. East Boston
Really?! Eastie??? Number 1?! YES. It’s the part of the city that created me. My hood. For better or worse, Eastie will always be my home. As a grown man I can now appreciate the old, broken down Boston neighborhood that raised me. There’s some good people in that neighborhood. Some got out. Some still there. For you outsiders, it’s more than just Logan airport. More than a pizza place. More than a bad area to avoid. So much more. I’ll tell those Eastie stories one day. Until then, Eastie is and will always be #1 on my Boston list.

What does T love about Boston? Everything. Now you know at least 13 reasons why.

What do you love about Boston? Do you agree with this list? What else would you like for me to blog about when it comes to my great city of Boston? Reply here on the site or on Facebook or Tweet me. I’ll answer. Because I always have something to say!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Celebrity, Children, Comedy, Crazy, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Family, Funny, Holiday, Humor, Interesting, Life, Movies, Opinionated, Party, Social Media, Sports, t-blawg, travel, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “Signature Drink” Post

May 9, 2011 By 12 Comments

Blawg. T....blawg.

Every man should have a signature drink. Forget beer. Beer is beer. Everybody drinks it. You need to have your own mixed drink. A drink that your buddies know to order when it’s their round without asking you. A drink that your girl will make for you when you’re both having a bad day. A drink that your favorite bartender is already mixing for you as you approach the bar. Nothing fancy. It’s a “Something & Something”. But it’s your drink. Your pals don’t drink it. It’s YOUR signature drink. And you’re only allowed to change it every 4-5 years for only 5 times under the age of 40. That’s the rule. Why? Because I said so. Because after 40, you’re done anyways. Your ass should be home drinking beers while burping babies or drinking frozen fruity drinks that your wife keeps handing you to test before she drinks them for some reason. But until then, you must have a signature drink. Here’s the evolution of my signature drink.

First Signature Drink: Honcho Poncho & Vodka circa 1989
Yeah I know. Was I a baby when I started drinking? Close to it. I was close to a decade away from the legal drinking age. But T doesn’t follow regular man laws! Every Saturday morning my cousin’s mother would head to work and he’d call me up to come to his house and by 9AM our Saturday mayhem ritual had begun. It always started with what his mother had for alcohol under the kitchen sink. She never really drank it. When we did, we would just replace the booze with water once it was half empty. One Saturday my cousin pulled out a fruit juice called Honcho Poncho. The whole label was in Spanish. But it tasted good! We mixed in some vodka and drank. It was awesome. At that age, we thought it was awesome. What the hell did we know? We just knew we weren’t supposed to be drinking so we drank out of spite. Every Saturday. We would get our buzz on and then go cause mayhem at the local bowling alley where we were banned from the team league due to being too violent. Then go buy some baseball cards and trade them with old degenerate criminals hanging out in the card shop. Then get some pizza or subs before terrorizing other kids and local businesses. This went on every Saturday for like 3 years straight. At some point they stopped making Honcho Poncho. We both still look for it in supermarkets hoping it will return. But I guess Honcho Poncho & Vodka was my first signature drink.

Second Signature Drink: Bacardi Limon & Mountain Dew circa 1994
My second signature drink also came to be while boozing with my cousin. It was time for us to step up our drinking game because well, now I was driving. We could go to liquor stores! And in the city we lived in we managed to perfect the “Hey buddy”. This method is when you say “Hey buddy” to a nearby old degenerate looking to make a quick $20 when you ask him to go into the liquor store and buy you booze. So we would tell these degenerates to get us some “hard shit” and they would make an easy $20. One time a degenerate came out with Bacardi Limon. It was different. We went to the local White Hen and tried mixing it with everything in the store. But we found out that it went best with Mountain Dew. We found our new drink. This lasted into early college and led to many drunken crazy nights. And we drank this shit before it started to appear in any hip hop songs. Just for the record. Bacardi Limon & Mountain Dew. My second signature drink.

Third Signature Drink: Captain & Coke AKA Cuba Libre circa 1999
This was simple. I was now of drinking age and legally drinking at bars and clubs. Captain & Coke is pretty much every guy’s first legal age signature drink. Because it was well known and easy to order. Plus the club didn’t have any damn Bacardi Limon. So I just ordered a Captain & Coke. But then started calling it Cuba Libre just to mess with bartenders. Which was the same thing but with lime. Boom. My third signature drink and my first real man drink that I didn’t treat like a binge drink in hopes of getting black out drunk with some random slut in some random place.

Fourth Signature Drink: Tanqueray & Tonic AKA T & T circa 2003
Tanqueray & Tonic became my signature drink because of it’s name play. T & T. And I was T. I tried gin a few times before. But Tanqueray just looked and sounded fancy! So I ordered it in a lounge one time out with a chick. She asked if it was good. I said “Of course. This is my drink.” The gin was a deal closer. The name T & T was a perk. This was my true trademark signature drink.

Fifth and Final Signature Drink: Jack & Ginger circa 2008
In the Winter of 2008 I was just ending one hell of a great year. Business, money, health, writing, women, family and friends were all booming. BOOMING! Life was sweet. Everything I did was money. From 2006-2009 I was a beast. Couldn’t do no wrong. So I decided to try new things. One of them was a new drink. I tested at home. All different combos. Why? Because I’m a guy and guys do weird shit for no reason sometimes! I was never big on whiskey. And the T & T had worked fantastic for me. But I changed career paths, moved into town, changed a bunch of things for the better, so why not my drink? I mixed Jack Daniels with ginger ale. And it was like liquid candy. I stocked my bar. Ordered it everywhere I went. And true to form, in less than 3 months it became my signature drink. My James Bond martini. My final signature drink. Jack & Ginger. My boys. Women. Family. And the bartenders at my favorite spots all know it’s my drink. That’s how you do it. That’s how you should do it.

If you don’t have a signature drink. Get one. It says something about who you are. It shows class. A sense of wisdom. Like you earned it. It helps tell your story. If all you drink is “Whatever’s on tap” or “I’ll get what you’re drinking”. You’re not a man who has lived. Step up your drinking game. Get a signature drink. But it can’t be a Jack & Ginger. Because now the whole world knows that’s T’s signature drink.

What’s your “Signature Drink”? I want to know! Ladies too! Reply here on the site or on Facebook or Tweet me. I’ll answer. Because I always have something to say!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Business, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Family, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Opinionated, Party, Sex, Social Media, t-blawg, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “Bro Strip Club Code” Post

May 2, 2011 By 4 Comments

Jessie Spano's speed addiction was supported by her stripping

First I gave you the rules of “The Bro Code”. Then I gave the world “The Bro Dress Code”. Now it’s time for the “Bro Strip Club Code”. The series continues!!! I don’t go to the strip club often. Usually only on a casino run, a bachelor party tear, a sports weekend getaway and of course Vegas. But last Winter I went on a tear with an old buddy. He was banging half the girls at a local strip club. He knew everybody there. We got comped. We got drunk. We had fun. We went way too damn much! And from this I noticed what really went down in a strip club for the first time ever. The ways of the strip club. The stereotypes. The types of strippers, workers and dudes that come in. That gave me some great insight. Through all that I created the “Bro Strip Club Code”!!! Here it is! Drum roll please…..

Strippers don’t get drunk so save your money man
Don’t buy them drinks! When she’s working you and you offer to get her a drink, the waitress brings her a “rum & coke” minus the rum. Really. Save your money for the lap dance.

Some strippers will bang for money so pay a lot and use a rubber dude
It depends on 3 things. The strip club, the stripper and how much you’re willing to pay. I have buddies who have done it. I don’t pay for sex so I can’t speak from experience. But it can be done. Just feel it out bro. And good luck with that STD. Because if she did it for you, you’re an idiot if you think she hasn’t done it before.

Strippers will break the rules for money depending on the strip club
In Boston we have a “no contact” lap dance rule. It sucks. But if you’re willing to pay and get out of sight, shit can happen. Again, bust out the chedda.

Strippers rather dance for good-looking dudes even though ugly dudes are willing to pay more
This is a fact. Go into a strip club with your ugly buddy, your fat buddy and your weird buddy. Just make sure you’re the good-looking one for fuck’s sake. Get a table. Watch who the strippers come to most. You’ll have your pick dude!

It’s creepy but you feel more with sweatpants if you have the balls to wear them
My buddy taught me this. I listened once and put on sweatpants at a strip club in Canada. After years of getting lap dances wearing jeans or suit pants, this was an experience. Try it at least once. Just be ready to be the creepy strip club dude that night. Really.

Only suckers sit at the pit
Don’t waste your time or singles. Let the drunk married businessmen, the foreigners visiting and the broke ass dudes drop money at the pit. You can get her once she’s done with her main stage dance and starts to work the floor. Be smart.

Don’t hit on the strippers, they’re working idiot
Seriously?! Are you still hitting on strippers?! Remember why you are there! She’s not some chick at a bar looking to meet a guy. She’s a chick trying to take all your money. Smarten up bro.

No she really isn’t digging you guy
It’s an act. She’s doing her job. DO NOT fall in love with the strippers. I don’t care how good-looking you are. How rich you are. And what she said to you. She ain’t digging you! Time to go.

The young ones are your best bets at some good action
They really are. They’re new. They don’t know the rules yet. They’re inexperienced at dealing with customers. Find a young one that almost fell like 5 times off the pole. Talk money with her. Go have fun.

No she isn’t really doing this to get through college; put her kid through school; or while working on getting her real estate license you dope
Fuck everything she said to you. Actually, try not talking during the lap dance. She knows why you’re there. Just get your jollies off. Don’t ask questions. Don’t tell her about yourself. Have fun. That’s it!

Honey isn’t her real name. Neither is Mary once she tells you it is
Don’t ask her what her real name is. She’ll never tell you. And honestly, why do you give a fuck?

Yes she will do more if you bring a chick in with you. A hot chick. And to her. Not you
I’ve done this. I’ve seen it. A bunch of times. Strippers are usually bi-sexual or completely lesbian. They love other hot chicks. Bring a hot chick with you and pay. Watch what happens. Thank me later.

The waitresses and massage girls are always hotter than the actual strippers
This is a damn bro fact! Every single time. Let them get you worked up and try to find a stripper that looks like one of them. Enjoy!!!

You are a douche when you ball up bills and throw them at the talent
They’re strippers yes. But they’re still women. And who the fuck are you to judge them and treat them like shit?! So don’t throw money at them like you’re pitching in the World Series. You’re a clown and deserve to get punched in your neck if you do this.

Nobody likes the stripper hog gang
The guy or group of guys who hog all the strippers are assholes. Hey assholes. Stop talking. Stop buying them drinks. Stop hitting on them. Because this is the #1 cause of brawls in the strip club. It pisses dudes off. We’re all there for the same reason. To have fun. So keep things moving. Don’t hog the fucking strippers!

What if a chick you know outside the strip club turns out to be a stripper?
This has happened to me before. More than once. And recently too. It’s awkward as hell! Just play it off like it ain’t no thang. If you’ve already seen her naked? Cool. Nothing new. If you haven’t? Well. Now’s your chance bro.

So there you have it. The “Bro Strip Club Code”. Now you know how to act and know what to do the next time you hit up the strip club. Respect the Bro Code. Respect the stripper. And respect your penis. Now go have some fun!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Business, Canada, Celebrity, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Funny, Health, Humor, Interesting, Las Vegas, Life, Money, Movies, Music, Niagara Falls, Opinionated, Party, Sex, Social Media, Sports, t-blawg, travel, TV, Uncategorized, Women, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “Finally! T Returns to Social Media!!!” Post

April 25, 2011 By 10 Comments

Needed a T sabbatical

My social media Lent sabbatical was March 9-April 24 2011. I was sick of Facebook and Twitter. People were annoying me. So I took a break. For 46 days! I’m a man of my word. And I don’t lie. For 46 days I stayed off the Big 2! But a lot has happened in the world in those 46 days. Important things. Big things. Stupid things. Regardless, all things that T would usually have a Facebook update and/or tweet ready to go to entertain the world like only T can! Here’s what went on and what I would’ve said on Facebook or Twitter at the time. In chronological order.

Tom Brady Dancing at Carnival Awkwardly in a Ponytail-”You’re killing me Smalls!”

Pope John Paul Got a Facebook Page-”I’m not liking this page until he puts up pics of a pimped out Pope Mobile. Put some Ds on that bitch!”

Charlie Sheen Announced His Tour-”If I buy tickets and he’s dead come show time I better get a damn refund. And you know this is going to suck right? RIGHT?! #justsaying”

People Playing Out Charlie Sheen-“All you assholes who are over using winning and tiger blood really fucked up a funny thing. Good job you unfunny, unoriginal dopes.”

The Earthquake and Tsunami-”This is insane. It’s getting tougher and tougher to debunk all those end of the world predictions made years ago by idiots. Scary.”

Gilbert Gottfried Fired By Aflac for His Tasteless Earthquake and Tsunami Comments-”Tasteless? Yes. But should he have been fired? No way. He’s a raunchy comedian. They knew that before they hired him. It’s not like it was Obama doing the duck voice and then tweeted those jokes. They knew what they were in bed with. Now there’s hope Ben Affleck can finally do the duck voice.”

14th Anniversary of the Death of The Notorious BIG-”Thumping “Ready to Die” and “Life After Death” non-stop! Baby Babaay! #nowplaying”

NFL Lockout-”Sundays suck now without football. Imagine come September through February? This is some bullshit. I blame the Jets. Go #Pats!”

Battle Los Angeles-”A poor man’s Independence Day meets Cloverfield. No story. Every stereotypical military movie character. And you never see a clear shot of the aliens. Stupid. But the shooting was done Saving Private Ryan style. Only highlight.”

The Bachelor Finale-”Ever notice how every women who claims she doesn’t need or want a man is so invested into this show? Hmmm. #denial #stoplying”

Snooki at Wrestlemania-”Is she fighting that dude that punched her off the stool?! If so I’m totally watching wrestling like it was 1988 again! Holla!”

Chicks Who Quote Snooki-“Speaking of Snooki. I don’t care how hot you are. If you’re quoting Snooki on #facebook and/or #twitter, you have nothing to offer the world. Or me. #justsaying”

Nate Dogg Died-”Somebody had to regulate. His name was Jesus. I’ll pour some out for you homie. At least Warren G can now restart the G Funk era.”

American Pie 4-”The entire original cast is returning. That’s crazy! How?! They’ve all become such busy superstars though since the last one! Oh wait.”

Rebecca Black-“I hope she and #JustinBieber get Japanese radiation poisoning. My fucking ears! #notnowplayingever”

St. Paddy’s Day-”Getting shit faced! Partying so hard right now!!! Um no. I’m a grown ass Italian man who’s lived in Boston his entire life. I don’t partake in amateur hour.”

Limitless-“A writer and a cocky asshole? I’m suing somebody. Decent flick though. Except the last 2 minutes. The movie’s screenwriter called the ending in.”

Twitter Turns 5 Years-Old-“5 years of making celebrities think they are more important than they really are while making everybody else dumber 140 characters at a time. #happybday #twitter”

Elizabeth Taylor Died-“I thought she died in 1990 so I didn’t have her in the celebrity death pool. Fucking Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen better pull through ASAP!”

Boondock Saints 2-”Finally watched this sequel. Anybody from Boston who liked this piece of shit has never seen a good movie in their entire life. With the exception of a few exterior shots, this movie was not filmed in Boston just like the first piece of shit. It’s an insult to the accent, the city and it’s people. I might collect some dopes’ Boston cards on this. Disgrace.”

March Madness-“Rather spend my time on women. And making money. And not being a degenerate alcoholic gambler screaming about brackets. But that’s just me though. #marchmadness”

Libya-“Keep up the great work Obama. You’ll get a second term for sure. #sarcasmsomuch”

Lights Out Cancelled-“A boxing show with a shitty cast and a lame storyline gets cancelled?! No way!!!”

LOL and OMG Added to Oxford Dictionary-“I’m a grown ass man. I don’t use this shit. I use ;) . #stupid”

Lindsay Lohan Now Just Lindsay-“Lindsay Lohan wants to be known by one name. Just Lindsay. I’m sure GingerWhore or NonActor are available still Lindsay.”

Sucker Punch-“Little Orphan Annie meets Watchmen=A Big Pile of Shit with Hot Chicks Who Can’t Act. #movies.”

Talking Twin Babies-“Best thing I’ve seen with them http://www.buzzfeed.com/gavon/twin-babies-talk-about-the-bronx-zoo-cobra”

New Wonder Woman-“See Megan Fox? If only you could act. And had normal thumbs. You would’ve been set for life baby. #callme”

Baseball Season!!!-“The #RedSox will win 100 games this season. Mark my words.”

Fuck Baseball Season!!!-“Unmark my words. After watching the first 3 games against the #Rangers, the #RedSox look like a bunch of assholes! New Sox. Same shitty pitching. #WTF”

The Boston Movie Trailer-“Best. Thing. Ever. http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d41e5814a3/boston-movie-trailer”

Charlie Sheen’s Tour Sucks-“Of course it does. What the fuck did you think you were going to see?!”

Kurt Cobain’s 17th Anniversary-”Was never into grunge really. He was talented. But the man killed himself. I have no love or respect for anybody who commits suicide. He checked out on life because he was a pussy. Pathetic.”

Bill and Ted 3-“Oh for fucks sake Hollywood. Really?! #enough”

Possible Government Shutdown-“Wait. I thought the government shutdown in 2008??? When did they get back to work? Could’ve fooled me.”

The Red Sox Win-“Fucking finally! 156-6 baby!!! Wooooo!!!!”

Your Highness-“Pineapple Express and Lord of the Rings had a retarded baby. Awful. Kenny Powers and Natalie Portman’s sweet little ass couldn’t save this movie. And can somebody please banish James Franco from Hollywood?”

Boston Sports!-“The Sox are getting it together. Bruins playing Montreal in 1st rd playoffs. Celtics playing New York in 1st rd playoffs. It’s a great time to be a Boston sports fan!”

Scream 4-“Kevin Williamson is back at the genre he started and continuing the story. Nothing new but still decent. The best is how he makes fun of the whole reboot/remake/sequel phase Hollywood is in within a movie sequel making fun of a movie within a movie. Smart. And nicely done. Not sure how good the next 2 Screams will be though.”

4/20-“Anybody over the age of 22 celebrating this day and bragging about smoking weed is a complete fucking tool.” #fuck420

Easter-“The Easter Bunny didn’t bring you a stupid basket. He brought you the return of T. The gift that keeps on giving!” #finallyThasreturned

If you’re not a fan of the t-blawg Facebook page and you’re not following me on Twitter. You’re missing out! Because nobody does social media like T. Nobody!!!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Business, Celebrity, Children, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Easter, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Family, Funny, Health, Holiday, Humor, Interesting, Lent, Life, Money, Movies, Music, Opinionated, Party, Photos, Sex, Social Media, Sports, t-blawg, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “T Does New York City in 3 Paragraphs” Post

April 18, 2011 By 2 Comments

Shady street vendors were my favorite

*I’ve decided to do a series of blog posts that capture my travels throughout my life. In 3 paragraphs. I’ll post them every once in a while. Some places I’ve been to a few times, others only once. And some I will probably never go back to because of what went down there.

This is the big one! This Boston guy does New York City. What is my take on NYC? It’s one big contradiction really. From how it started for me to how I feel about the city today and everything in between. I started going down to NYC when I was 16 years old. My cousin and I spent many Summer weekends there getting into shit during our mid to late teen years. Even with the Boston/NY rivalry between the cities’ teams and people, we really enjoyed going to this version of NYC. The New York City I’m talking about was old school, more dirty than it is now, before Giuliani cleaned it up, before Snoop came through and crushed the buildings, before Gotti went in the can, when Pac & Biggie were beefing and you could get anything new and/or bootlegged on any street corner New York City! We went down to NYC for fun, money-making schemes and a shit load of trouble. And by trouble, let’s just say one of those 7 famous incidents where I should’ve died took place in NYC. In the back of a shady restaurant. Over some stupid shit. Fun. But very stupid.

The first time my cousin and I got off the Greyhound bus we immediately went looking for bootleg Rolex watches and bombarded a businessman holding a briefcase standing at the corner. We slapped the briefcase asking “Watchu got in there man?!” He thought we were trying to rob him because he ran. Guess he worked on Wall St. and wasn’t a street vendor. Our bad. I blame movies and rap music for my first impressions of NYC. I used to go down there and treat the city like it was my own personal playground. At that time you could walk into a liquor store and buy 40s and drink them in Times Square out of paper bags at the ages of 14 & 16 while ordering food in a McDonald’s. I know this because that’s what my cousin and I did. Boy did people stare. Another time we also managed to eat and drink for free by putting our tab on some couple’s bill at the All-Star Café. That place was like Planet Hollywood but with athletes. We Beantown hustled that one. Another time we stayed at the Millennium and had “hot” calling card numbers to which we used to call everybody back home in Boston. Our other buddies came down the next day and we robbed the hotel’s liquor cabinets and drank booze and ate fancy cheeses all the way back home on the bus to Boston. I don’t know why honestly.

While there are many more experiences that were also insane during those dirty teenage NYC years, things changed the older I got. Those trips were replaced with business trips and sports trips once I graduated college and entered corporate America. NYC itself changed. In my eyes, it became very corporate, gimmicky and overrated. Boston’s teams and the city of Boston itself came up and the rivalry grew. I hated this “new” New York. That is, up until this past January. I went down to NYC to see a good friend. One of my “Bullpen” girls. She took me around the city to some fun spots. With some of her great friends. During a Jets/Colts playoffs weekend mind you! And you know what? I had a great time. Yep. I did. Not ashamed to admit it. Maybe it was her. Maybe it was the cool people I met. Maybe it was the good food and lots of booze. Maybe it was me getting older and not holding onto grudges. I don’t know. All I do know is, this Boston guy has to admit that he kind of likes New York City. But I love Boston the best.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

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