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My “T’s Boston Hall of Fame Class of 2011” Post

November 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I'll induct myself one day. No really.

There are a few trademark featured series on t-blawg. There are my “T Does ‘Some City’ in 3 Paragraphs.” People seem to dig my takes on cities. Cool. There are also my signature “Valentine’s Day Sucks” & “Festivus” traditions that really get the crowd going. And of course  the mack daddy, daddy mack t-blawg trademark series “The Bro Code” baby! Well today I would like to add a new series to the always growing, always innovating original entertainment life blueprint known as t-blawg. It is something very close to my ice cold heart…Boston of course. Every year starting with this post I would like to honor some extra special people of Boston right here on t-blawg! These people have done something for Boston. Won something for Boston. Put on for Boston. Are proud of Boston!!! They are friggin’ Boston icons and they should be recognized and treated so. Like myself. So without further ado, I present my “T’s Boston Hall of Fame Class of 2011!”

Awesome Boston Athlete
Terry ‘Tito’ Francona

How the hell do I start off by inducting Tito over legendary Boston athletes like Bird, Orr, Brady or even coach Bill Belichick? Take it easy. Before the epic collapse of the Red Sox last season and all the garbage that has been spewed about the team and their coach, you have to remember one thing. This is the coach who broke ‘The Curse’ people! He coached a team of idiots all season long, from the brink of an 0-3 elimination against the Yankees, then swept the Cardinals 4-0 and won the first Red Sox World Series in 86 damn years! Then won another one 3 years later! He did the impossible. And for that, he goes in as my first athlete in the T Boston Hall. Thank you Tito.

Crazy Ass Underground Boston Celebrity
Tricycle Louie

What the fuck is a ‘Tricycle Louie’ you say?! Ok. Ever walk down Newbury or Boylston street and hear “Eh! Eh! Eh!” grow louder and louder as you walk? Then see a giant tricycle with flags on it flapping in the wind? Being driven by what looks like a blind toothless demon who just escaped from the depths of hell??? Well. That’s Tricycle Louie! He’s a god damn moving Boston landmark people! And a nice guy actually. He’s been riding that giant, rusty tricycle for years. And he’s saying “Move! Move! Move!” by the way because he doesn’t want to run your ass over. But he will. Louie is the first T Boston Hall Underground Celebrity for being that crazy yet awesome.

Ultimate Boston Hottie
Maria Menounos

I have shown my love for Maria many times on t-blawg. We go way back to when we were both non-famous kids working at Dunkin’ Donuts and shared a love for Kelly’s Roast Beef. She has since become more famous than me. But still puts on for Boston every chance she gets. This Greek Goddess is my first T Boston Hall Boston Hottie. End of hottie story. Call me Maria.

Epic Boston Team
The 2010 Boston Bruins

The 2010 Bruins go in before the 2001 Pats, before the ’04 Red Sox Idiots and before the ’08 Celtics because quite simply the Boston Bruins were the last of the losers. The last of the heart breaking Boston teams. They were untouched by the Pink Hatters. Their major fan base was straight loyal white trash. And the Bruins finally reached the pinnacle of Boston sports team awesomeness by winning the Stanley Cup and completing the Boston decade of sports dominance by all four of our teams. By doing that, they earned their first class ticket induction into the T Boston Hall of Fame Class of 2011!

Proud Boston Bro
Ben Affleck

I give Ben a lot of shit. Absolutely. From his old shitty acting. To Gigli. To the time I saw him at game 1 of the ’04 World Series with big ass J-Lo. To his famous ‘Ass Face’ chin. But that’s what bros do. Bust each other’s balls. But let it be known. No other famous person from Boston puts on for Boston more than Ben Motherfuckin’ Affleck! From being Chucky in ‘Good Will’ and co-writing it with Matt. To winning the damn Oscar for it. To directing the shit out of the filmed in Boston ‘Gone Baby, Gone.’ To directing and starring in the filmed in Boston and shooting the fuck out of Fenway Park ‘The Town!’ For bringing the underrated ‘Company Men’ here to Boston for filming. And now going to direct the “James ‘Whitey’ Bulger” movie here in Boston. He is Hollywood East! He is Boston entertainment! And that is why he goes in as my first Boston Bro! I hope he directs one of my scripts one day. A T script directed by Ben Affleck would end the fucking world from too much damn Boston awesomeness!!!

Ass Kicking Boston Movie
The Departed

This goes in over ‘Good Will Hunting’, ‘The Town’, ‘Mystic River’ and ‘Gone Baby, Gone’ because from top to bottom, this movie was stacked with pure fucking awesomeness that extended beyond Boston. This movie punched every other movie in the face when it came out and had all of Boston saying to the world “Say hi to your mother for me.” Boom. In the Hall first it goes.

Most Talked About Boston Weather Event in the History of History
Blizzard of ’78

We get our share of shitty weather. No doubt. But that’s how we roll around here. Most of us don’t complain. We just live with it. But now and then there comes a weather event that just plain fucks shit up. And no other weather event fucked shit up more than the “Blizzard of ‘78” because people still talk about this damn blizzard like it was an end of the world zombie apocalypse or some shit! And for that alone it goes in as the first Hall Boston Weather Event! Now please stop talking about it. No one died.

Most Famous Boston Family
The Kennedys

They are the United State’s version of royalty. No? They are the most famous and have achieved the most success and suffered the most loss and it all was covered every way possible by the news and historians over so many years. And they originated from my old neighborhood of East Boston and have been a Cape Cod staple for years. I can go on and on about JFK, Jackie, Bobby, Teddy, John Jr. etc. but the one Kennedy who stands out for me personally is Joe Kennedy. You see, Joe helped bring assisted home heating programs to Eastie when I was a kid. So he went around to all the schools and met all the mothers. My mother loved that Joe Kennedy for being such a nice, handsome and successful man. In some weird way, I looked at Joe as a normal father figure. So for his impact on my mother and youth, along with the rest of the Kennedys, they go in as the first Boston Family into my Boston Hall. They might be the only family ever. Unless I put in my crazy ass family one day.

In Your Face Boston Neighborhood
Eastie

Over the North End? Back Bay? Southie??? Hell fuckin’ yeah! It’s my old neighborhood. And if you think I have already told all there is to tell about Eastie, you are nuts. Those stories will be told on here or on the big screen one way or the other. Eastie is the real Boston neighborhood. It’s people know why. It goes into the Hall first.

Legendary Boston Legend
Paul Revere

Because Johnny Depp is making a movie about him. And he warned everybody that the British were coming. He is the only reason why you don’t talk with a British accent fool! Respect. So go walk ‘The Freedom Trail’ and pour some out in front of his statue. NOW! In the Boston T Hall of Fame Paul Revere goes.

There it is. My Boston Hall of Fame Class of 2011. Not your typical hall of fame right? But what did you expect? T ain’t typical. So why would my Boston Hall of Fame be? And neither will next year’s class!

What do you think of my class of 2011? Anyone you think should’ve went in before these awesome Boston people? Any recommendations for next year? Let me know! Tweet me!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Boston, Bro Code, Celebrity, Entertainment, Movies, Screenwriting, Sports, t-blawg, Titletown, TV, Uncategorized, Women Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “The 1st Ten: T’s Action Flick” Post

September 19, 2011 By 2 Comments

Mafia, violence, sex and death. What else do you need?

In case you didn’t know, I’m not just an honest, funny, original blogger. I’m also a screenwriter. And some of you have asked to read some of my scripts. Ok. Some of my work is being shopped around but I would like to share some material right here on t-blawg. Copyrighted material! So you steal it, I sue! In Hollywood if you can get somebody to read through the first ten pages, then you may have a decent script. It’s the introduction. So I am presenting a new feature here on t-blawg. It’s called “The 1st Ten”.

This script is an action movie. R rated. Think “Seven” meets “The Crow.”

How does a betrayed hit man redeem his soul while trying to bring a balance between Heaven and Hell during his time in purgatory?

I present “T’s Action Flick”:

*Don’t mind the formatting here!

FADE IN:

INT. ST. PETER’S CHURCH — NIGHT

The fallen angel, REDEMPTION, is explaining the history of God and Satan; angels and demons; Heaven and Hell.  We do not see Redemption.

Images of drawings and colors are blurred across the screen.

Drawings and paintings of Jesus on the cross and Satan in Hell are shown in and out of focus.  Along with images of beautiful angels and disgusting demons.

Blurred images of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are shown as well.  Images of Death, War, Pestilence and Famine.

Candles are lit around the church altar.

REDEMPTION (V.O.)
Many believe that Satan was an angel cast from Heaven. An angel that was once the closest angel to God.  An angel that sinned. Some say he became a fallen angel.
(beat)
Once an angel falls into the depths of hell, the angel becomes a demon.  Sentenced to an afterlife of eternal pain. Eternal suffering. Paying for those sins forever.
(beat)
The angels and demons; they are also the soldiers of Heaven and Hell.  Soldiers for God and Satan.  Soldiers readying for the Apocalypse.  Armageddon.  The end of time.
(beat)
But there are angels and demons that have escaped Hell.  Left Heaven.  They are among mankind.
(beat)
What happens to man when he sins?  He is judged at his time of death.  His time in purgatory is when it is decided where he will go in the afterlife.
(beat)
An angel in Heaven or a demon in Hell.
(beat)
But sometimes that is a difficult judgement to make.

EXT. BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS — DAY

We see a shot of the beautiful city’s skyline.

SUPERIMPOSE: THIRTEEN YEARS AGO

INT. DON CICCONE’S HOUSE — DAY

DON MULININO CICCONE, an old and physically weak man, is talking to FRANCO “FRANKIE GUNS” MOCELLI, forty something, a tall, handsome man, as a jealous VINCENT “VISCERA” CICCONE, forty something as well, an evil and heartless man and knows it, stops at the doorway to listen unnoticed to his father and Franco.

DON CICCONE
You’re one of the main reasons why the pact has been kept for the past seven years since the last war between the families Franco.

FRANCO
Yeah, a hit man keeping the peace.

DON CICCONE
Something different I know, but this is how it’s supposed to be.  For the children and for us.  In the after life.

FRANCO
Where I end up isn’t important.  It’s about Dante and Italya.  That’s what matters.

DON CICCONE
Same for the LoPello children as well.

Viscera walks in.

VISCERA
I think the LoPellos have a different plan Dad.

Viscera hugs his father and kisses his cheek.

DON CICCONE
What are you talking about?

VISCERA
The word I got is that DON LOPELLO is planning a hit.
(beat)
On us.

FRANCO
This info come from your guys?

Viscera walks over to Franco.

VISCERA
My horsemen are reliable soldiers Frankie. Their word is the truth old buddy.

FRANCO
(leaning into Viscera)
Like yours?

VISCERA
(smiling)
Exactly!

DON CICCONE
Alright.  Enough.  Don LoPello knows that the families can co-exist. We can’t work together or kill each other in our homes or at the church.  It’s not the way.

VISCERA
The pact is old and ridiculous!  We need to hit them first!  Take those motherfuckers out once and for all and end all this shit!

DON CICCONE
(angry)
Shut your mouth!  This is the way it’s got to be and you know that!

VISCERA
This shit with the church and the angels and demons, hell and heaven, life and death, honor and fucking pacts! It’s the old way! We’re men!  We’re humans! We eat.  We drink. We fuck! We kill! We sin!  We take what we want!

Don Ciccone and Franco look at him.

VISCERA (CONT’D)
(angry)
It’s time for war!
(beat)
If I was Don-

FRANCO
(interrupting)
But you’re not Vis.  You’re not.

Viscera looks at Franco and smiles.

DON CICCONE
We are not going to war.  But this is something we have to be sure about.  Franco, at ALESSANDRA’s birthday at the LoPello house, find out.  Get answers.  Members from both families will be there for the celebration of Don LoPello’s daughter’s birthday.

FRANCO
DANTE will be there too.  I’m not killing anybody in the LoPello house with my son around.

DON CICCONE
There will be no death in the house, not where any of the children are, you know that.

VISCERA
Again with the old ways!  You think they will honor that when they are planning to hit us?

DON CICCONE
Some people still have honor!

Viscera gives him a dirty look and starts to storm off.

VISCERA
(walking out)
And some are still blind fools living in another time!

DON CICCONE
Start with Arno.  See what he knows.

FRANCO
Why him?

DON CICCONE
This fool isn’t as blind as some may think he is.

Franco nods agreeing to do what he has been asked by his Don.

EXT. DON LOPELLO’S HOUSE — DAY

It’s ALESSANDRA LOPELLO’s, 13, birthday.  There are balloons, lots of children and adults all sitting at tables in the large yard of this enormous house.  Men dressed in expensive suits are sitting together talking to each other.  It is obvious that these men are from the two opposing families.

DON LOPELLO, 43, and his men are sitting at their own tables while Don Ciccone and his men are sitting at another.

Viscera is sitting at a table with four men.  His Four Horsemen.  BOBBY DELUCA, a handsome man in a pale suit sits next to Viscera; this is Death.  Next to him, wearing a red suit is MAD MIKEY SALERNO; this is War.  He is skinny with red hair.  Next to him is SAL AINELLO; this is Pestilence wearing a white suit.  He is rugged and tough.  Sitting next to him is LORENZO CICCONE, a very heavy man dressed in a black suit; this is Famine.

BOBBY
I can’t stand being at this house with them.

VISCERA
Don’t worry Bobby.  Things are about to change.

Viscera gives him an evil smile as he places his hand on his arm. Death returns the smile.

INT. PLAYROOM DON LOPELLO’S HOUSE — DAY

DANTE MOCELLI, 13, GREG HARMON, 13, and Alessandra LoPello are playing.

GREG
So now that you’re a teenager Sandy, you think your dad will let you have a boyfriend?  Like maybe Dante?

DANTE
Shut up Greg.

Alessandra smiles.

ALESSANDRA
Maybe.  But my boyfriend would have to be cute and a really good kisser.

DANTE
How would you know who’s a good kisser?

ALESSANDRA
Only one way to find out.

She kisses Dante quickly. Dante turns red.

GREG
Oh man!  Look at how red you are!  I’ve never seen an Italian turn that red! You look all sunburned guy!

Greg hits Dante in the arm.

Embarrassed, Dante runs off.

Alessandra hits Greg. He shrugs.

INT. LIBRARY DON LOPELLO’S HOUSE — DAY

Franco is holding ARNO LOPELLO against the wall.

ARNO
(scared)
I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about Frankie!

FRANCO
Don’t lie to me Arno.  If you were with any other family I would’ve killed you by now.  Tell me what I need to know. Is Don LoPello planning a hit on our family?

ARNO
No Frankie!  You know we can’t do that!

FRANCO
Then what’s going on?

ARNO
It was Vis and me.  We-

FRANCO
(angry)
What?!  You two what?!

Dante is running down the hall and hears the commotion.

He hears his father’s voice.  He stops in front of the library door and listens.

ARNO
We’ve been working together, bringing in China White and putting it on the streets through his horsemen.

FRANCO
(upset)
You two have been putting heroin on the street together?  What the fuck are you two doing?  YOU KNOW THE RULES WE LIVE BY! Both Dons would have you two killed!

ARNO
(terrified)
You can’t say anything to them!  Or to Viscera Frankie!

FRANCO
You both have to answer for this.  The consequences are worse than death Arno.

ARNO
No!

Arno goes for one of Franco’s two holstered guns.  Both have silencers.

Dante hears the struggle and opens the door to see his father and Arno fighting over the gun.  Franco pulls the gun down and it goes off into Arno.  He drops.

Franco turns and sees that his son just witnessed the event.

FRANCO
Dante!

Greg is walking down the hallway looking for Dante.

He walks up to the doorway.

GREG
Dante, where are you guy?

Dante looks at his father and rushes out of the room to stop Greg from seeing what happened.

GREG (CONT’D)
There you are.  Are you ok?

DANTE
(stunned)
Yeah.  Yeah.
(beat)
Where’s Alessandra?

GREG
She went outside looking for you guy.

DANTE
Let’s go find her.

Dante drags Greg away.

Franco looks out and sees what Dante did.

INT. DON CICCONE’S LIVING ROOM — LATER

Franco and Viscera are alone face to face.

FRANCO
(angry)
I need to talk to your father now!

VISCERA
I told you, he’s sleeping.  He’s an old, sick man Frankie!  Talk to me. What happened exactly?

FRANCO
I’ll tell your father.

VISCERA
Tell me.

FRANCO
Arno LoPello is dead.  I shot him and brought his body to the church where we’re all supposed to go.

VISCERA
(happy)
You killed him?  In the LoPello house?

Franco stares at him.

VISCERA (CONT’D)
Good for you!  You’re a hit man!  You earned your paycheck Frankie!

He puts his hand on his shoulder.  Franco pulls his arm off him and grabs him.

FRANCO
You motherfucker!  I know what the two of you were doing!

VISCERA
Fuck what that piece of shit told you! He was trying to save his ass!

Viscera’s Four Horsemen walk in.

VISCERA (CONT’D)
(smiling)
Now get your fucking hands off me Frankie.

Franco looks at the Horsemen.

FRANCO
I’m not afraid of you or them.

VISCERA
You should be.

Franco lets him go.

FRANCO
My son saw what I did today.  I’m going home to talk to him.  I want out of this.

VISCERA
You know there’s no way out.  We’re all in it for life and even the after life right?

He looks at his horsemen and they all laugh.

VISCERA (CONT’D)
Go home to your family Frankie.  Clear that head of yours.  Then we can talk about what we’re going to tell Dad. Cause you’re like a son to him.  Shit, I think you are more of a son to him than I am sometimes!

FRANCO
When I come back, the Don will hear it all Vis.  Every detail.

Franco turns around to leave.  Bobby and Mikey block his path.

FRANCO (CONT’D)
Get the fuck out of my way.

Bobby looks at Viscera.  Viscera gives him a nod to let Franco pass.

Death turns to let him pass.

VISCERA
(as Franco leaves)
Remember Frankie!  We’re all family here!

Bobby walks up to Viscera.

BOBBY
Will the war start now?

VISCERA
We’ll have to make sure it does.

BOBBY
What do you mean?

VISCERA
Arno’s death isn’t enough.

The horsemen all look at Viscera.

VISCERA (CONT’D)
Frankie Guns must die.
(beat)
Kill him and his entire family.
(beat)
No sign that it was us.  Make it look like it was the LoPellos.

Bobby smiles. He puts on his sunglasses and leads the Horsemen away.

Viscera lights a cigar.

So there it is. I shared the 1st ten pages of my action movie with a sci-fi twist. Lots of shit goes down in this movie! Let’s of murder and mayhem with some thinking man’s content. A real stylized movie. Hope you liked what you’ve read so far!

Would you read more??? Would you go see this movie?! Let me know on here, Facebook, BuzzFeed or Twitter!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Boston, Edgy, Entertainment, Interesting, Movies, Screenwriting, t-blawg, TV, Uncategorized, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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My “The Origin of T” Post

August 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I keep evolving yo

How did I become the man who writes this blog every Monday? A crazy bastard who lived through so much crazy shit? An opinionated, educated, creative, innovating smooth ladies man whose gift and curse may force him to live a permanent single life of awesomeness? Sometimes a funny yet rude Boston dude? How did I become T? Well get your popcorn ready. Pull up a chair. Pour yourself a glass of Courvoisier. And listen…um…read. Because I wasn’t always like this. I wasn’t always this cool. Some people feel that somebody, some woman, some thing must have had done a number on me to make me this way. This cynical. This experienced. This crazy. This honest. This opinionated. This funny. This awesome. This….humble. Yeah right. Well here’s how I came to be. The Origin of T.

After his epic battle with death at birth and his evil childhood moments….T still was always a good student. Always in the advanced classes. He was in the National Honor Society. Carried a 4.0 grade point average. He only missed 8 days of school his entire life. Seriously. He didn’t go to school because he liked it. Oh no. It was actually pretty easy for him. But he went every single day because he knew that good grades led to college which led to a good job which led to money which led to a better life. A way out. At times he actually took school a little too seriously. But outside of school, especially at home, he had developed one hell of an attitude problem. He needed that attitude he thought. It was his edge. T needed it to stay sharp. Yeah. At his childhood home. He had his reasons in which he probably won’t ever truly disclose on t-blawg. Maybe one day he will. Just trust T on this. So, his book smarts combined with his uncanny street ways with a little bad attitude mixed in, created one hell of a living, breathing, human contradiction. That was his youth. A good kid dealt a crappy hand? Yeah. But he always kept his sense of humor. Thanks to his strong mother, caring sister and equally crazy cousin. They kept him level headed. They kept him going. Seriously. This was when T was just a kid! From the ages of birth to like 13. Crazy right?! Normal childhoods are for pussies. That’s what T told myself.

T knew he was smart. He knew he was ballsy. He knew he was a badass. He just needed a nickname to go along with it. He was a dog. He lived on the third floor of an old three-family East Boston apartment building. His old Italian landlord kept a sign up that said “Beware of the dog.” This is why his friends started to call him T-Dog. And that name would stay with him for the rest of his life. T’s late teen years and early twenties were full of some crazy shit. His closest friends never knew which T was out with them. The smart college T. The angry gets into fights T. The loyal friend T. The hustler T. The funny charming ladies man T. Or the self destructive hates the world T. To this day he is very thankful for all the shit that the people in his life had to put up with during this time. And T managed. With a smile on his face. After all the gym time. After all the scars. After all the tats. He went on the straight and narrow. Graduated college. Calmed down. T entered corporate America and put most of his old life and ways behind him. Biz-T came to be. T went on the nightlife scene and met some spectacular women. And some not so spectacular. He had his heart broken. Twice. Smartened him up and made him search for a good woman. But occasionally dirty womanizing Nasty T would show up. He now embraced his inner cynicism. A little bitter. And the world later got T Thomas, the writer. The talent. Let’s just say T had many nicknames to match his many sides. Which he definitely should’ve seen a therapist about many years ago. But T never did. His sense of humor, charm, talent, loyalty and ambition, along with his legendary past full of trials and tribulations gave the world a living legend. T blogged about that once. T hopes you read it.

After years of becoming one hell of a man, T was comfortable with who he had become. He wanted to share his life, experiences, tales and opinions with the world. This is where his writing came into play. After at first only utilizing MySpace and Facebook to charm many many hot women, he listened to his inner circle of close friends and family. They said “T. Your updates and comments are hilarious!” and “You’re the man! Dude, you say shit and do things nobody else does.” T knew this. He always knew this! He was already a writer to a certain degree but the world did not get to see it from T’s point of view. It was time. The people wanted a blog. The people wanted T! The people wanted t-blawg!!! A place that captures T’s many sides while being entertained thanks to the mind of a one of a kind genius who always takes it there. A ladies man. A real man. A former punk. A writer. A businessman. A true Bostonian. A recovered asshole. A man who sometimes lived in his own crazy world! But what if this world collided with the regular world? What would happen??? t-blawg would happen. And here we are today. Is it really T’s world and we’re all just living in it now? He sure thinks so. And now you know. The Origin of T.

What did you think? Is it all starting to make sense now or you more confused than ever??? Tweet the kid. Facebook the kid. BuzzFeed the kid. Or holla right here people.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Awesomeness, Boston, Bro Code, Comedy, Dating, Different, Entertainment, Facebook, Funny, Movies, Opinionated, Screenwriting, Sex, Social Media, Sports, t-blawg, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “The 1st Ten: T’s Bromance Comedy” Post

July 25, 2011 By 4 Comments

T's autobiography or one hell of a movie?!

In case you didn’t know, I’m not just an honest, funny, original blogger. I’m also a screenwriter. And some of you have asked to read some of my scripts. Ok. Some of my work is being shopped around but I would like to share some material right here on t-blawg. Copyrighted material! So you steal it, I sue! In Hollywood if you can get somebody to read through the first ten pages, then you may have a decent script. It’s the introduction. So I am presenting a new feature here on t-blawg. It’s called “The 1st Ten”.

This script is a bromance comedy. PG-13ish. Think “The Hangover” meets “40 Year-Old Virgin.”

How does the ultimate bachelor have a relationship with “the one” when all he knows is hooking up and his married buddies refuse to let him settle down because they live for his many conquests?

I present “T’s Bromance Comedy”:

*Don’t mind the formatting here!

FADE IN:

INT. TOMMY’S BEDROOM. DAY
A beautiful WOMAN, 23, is on top of TOMMY, 25, kissing him in bed. Tommy is good looking. He’s in shape and has a boyish smile. The two just finished having sex. She drops and lays next to him smiling and rubbing his bare chest.

TOMMY
(smiling)
Now that’s what I’m talking about!

WOMAN
Oh my God. That was amazing.

TOMMY
(proudly)
No doubt.

WOMAN
I just want to let you know I never do stuff like this.

TOMMY
You could’ve fooled me babe.

WOMAN
Not the sex silly. I mean meeting a guy in a bar and going home with him. I never do that.

TOMMY
Me neither.

WOMAN
Yeah right.

TOMMY
Seriously. I never go home with guys I meet in bars.

The woman laughs. She reaches over for her cell phone and checks the time.

WOMAN
Shit! I’m going to be late for work!

TOMMY
It’s all good honey! It’s only 10:00!

She hops out of bed and rushes around trying to get dressed as Tommy smiles with his arms behind his head.

WOMAN
Some of us actually have to work real nine to five jobs!

TOMMY
Well one day maybe you too can be in charge.

WOMAN
I thought you were only like a VP of publishing or something!

TOMMY
Only? Honey, if the President dies, that means I’m in charge of everything!

WOMAN
I don’t think it works like that. If your company is anything like mine, there’s probably like thirteen other VPs and at least five presidents.

TOMMY
What’s your point?

WOMAN
I don’t even have time to go home and change! People are going to know I hooked up.

TOMMY
Dude the walk of shame sucks.

She runs over to Tommy and gives him a kiss.

WOMAN
Well it was worth it.

TOMMY
It was spectacular! I was spectacular!

WOMAN
(laughing)
Yes you were! Gotta go! Dinner this weekend?

TOMMY
(beat)
Yeah sure.

WOMAN
Call me!

TOMMY
You betcha!

She leaves the apartment.

Tommy looks up from bed smiling ear to ear.

TOMMY (CONT’D)
T, you are the man.

Tommy jumps out of bed.

His place is a bachelor pad. The apartment is full of expensive electronics and furniture.

He turns on his iPod dock and plays Jay-Z.

TOMMY (CONT’D)
(singing)
Big pimpin’ spendin’ cheese!

Tommy showers and then goes through his assortment of suits in his closet.

He lays down different combinations of expensive suits, ties and shirts.

TOMMY (CONT’D)
What’s the point? I look good in them all!

Tommy is suited up. He drinks a protein shake and then grabs his bag and leaves.

INT. OFFICE. DAY
BILLY, 23, is sitting in his cubicle on the phone. Billy is a young looking, wide eyed man-child.

BILLY
I know I went out last night but it’s Friday! Guys night out honey!
(beat)
Last night was Thirsty Thursday and T nailed a big account! We talked about this already. Stop yelling.
(beat)
I KNOW HOW HE IS!
(beat)
I’m not raising my voice. Sorry. I don’t know if he hooked up or not.
(beat)
You’re right. He IS such a man whore! I don’t know why I hang out with him either.
(beat)
Okay! I said okay!

Tommy walks in.

TOMMY
Bill Eazay what up kid?!

They high five.

BILLY
(on the phone)
Gotta go! I’ll call you later!

He SLAMS the phone down.

BILLY (CONT’D)
Big T! 11:30 and just rolling into work. I love it!

TOMMY
Was that the wifey?

BILLY
She was giving me crap about going out with you last night.

TOMMY
Still?

BILLY
She’s always giving me crap now. Since the wedding. Seven weeks ago.

TOMMY
I keep telling you to tell her that you’re not out with me anymore. You’re always going to be guilty by association man.

BILLY
I know.

TOMMY
And didn’t you go home at like 7:00?

BILLY
Yes. Everything changed since we got married. Just seven weeks ago!

TOMMY
I know man. I was there.

BILLY
She’s like a different woman.

TOMMY
You were warned. A lot.

Billy starts to smile.

TOMMY (CONT’D)
What?

BILLY
So how did it go with Sharon?

TOMMY
Who’s Sharon?

BILLY
The chick from the bar last night!

TOMMY
Was that her name?

BILLY
Oh man! You hooked up?! Again!

Tommy laughs.

BILLY (CONT’D)
Man I saw that coming! I miss everything now! Tell me how it went down.

Billy’s phone RINGS. He leans over to look at it.

BILLY (CONT’D)
Dammit! Why is she calling me now!?

Tommy starts to walk away laughing.

BILLY (CONT’D)
Wait don’t go! I want details man!  Details! I need them!

TOMMY
I’ll tell you at lunch. Come grab me in twenty minutes.

BILLY
Lunch? You just got in.

TOMMY
What’s your point?

Billy’s cell phone starts RINGING.

BILLY
Now she’s calling me on both phones.

TOMMY
(laughing)
You better answer that.

BILLY
Keep laughing. This might be you some day!

TOMMY
No way dude! I love my life!

BILLY
I love my WIFE!

The phones keeping RINGING. Tommy walks away.

TOMMY
Keep telling yourself that!

BILLY
See you in twenty bro!

Billy answers his cell phone.

BILLY (CONT’D)
WHAT?!
(beat)
I’m sorry for raising my voice honey.

INT. TOMMY’S OFFICE. LATER
Tommy is leaning back in his chair with his feet on his desk. He’s on the phone.

TOMMY
Jon, I’m telling you this girl wasn’t a Boston ten. She was an LA ten.
(beat)
I’m serious man!
(beat)
Hey you got out the game.  I remember when we raised your jersey and retired your number at your bachelor party two years ago.

Tommy laughs.

TOMMY (CONT’D)
Your wife’s still a ten man. And she’ll still be one after my god-daughter is born.

Billy RUNS into Tommy’s office.

BILLY
Walk out here with me now!

TOMMY
What?

BILLY
WALK OUT HERE WITH ME NOW!

TOMMY
Jon, I’ll see you tonight. Everybody’s in. Later.

Tommy hangs up the phone.

TOMMY (CONT’D)
Don’t be storming all up in here and yelling at me like that. I’m a VP bitch!

BILLY
You have to see the new chick.

Tommy jumps out of his chair.

TOMMY
She hot?

BILLY
What do you think?

TOMMY
I don’t know with you. You have no scale. I’ve met your wife.

BILLY
My wife is hot bro.

Tommy puts his suit jacket on and fixes his tie.

TOMMY
I’m messing with you. Let’s go.

They walk out of Tommy’s office quickly.

SUSAN, 24, is a sexy, provocatively dressed woman. She is walking around the office with ALLISON, 25, introducing her to the employees. Allison is the beautiful girl next door. Her big eyes are amazing. A natural beauty without trying.

TOMMY (CONT’D)
Whoa.

BILLY
What did I tell you? My scale is the bomb. She’s a ten. An LA ten!

TOMMY
Slow your roll. She could be good from far, far from good. Plus she’s with Susan. The biggest crotch blocker around.

BILLY
That’s cause she still wants you.

TOMMY
Of course she does.

The two women start to walk over to them.

TOMMY (CONT’D)
Quick act busy.

The girls see them pick up random papers from the desk they are standing near.

TOMMY (CONT’D)
(loudly)
So, what we need to do here is compile all of our resources and-

BILLY
Right, right.

TOMMY
And then we will be able to utilize the pythagorean theorem here-

The girls get closer.

BILLY
Absolutely. Absolutely Mr. Vice President.

SUSAN
Stop acting like you two are working.

TOMMY
And then the result will allow us to make millions. Possibly billions!

Allison smiles.

BILLY
Maybe even trillions!

TOMMY
(slowly)
May be.

BILLY
You are such a genius.

TOMMY
I know. Oh hey Susan. Didn’t see you there. And who is this?

SUSAN
Whatever. Tommy, Billy this is Allison. She’s the new senior graphic designer in marketing.

ALLISON
Hi, nice to meet you.

Tommy is smitten.

BILLY
Hi.

Tommy reaches his hand out.

TOMMY
So nice to meet you Allison.

SUSAN
Try staying away from this one Tommy. I know it will be hard for you.

TOMMY
What are you talking about?

SUSAN
Tommy is an asshole. And Billy is a border line retard.

Allison laughs.

BILLY
You’re in HR! You have to stop describing us like that to new employees Susan!

ALLISON
Got it. Mentally challenged. And A-hole.

TOMMY
(smiling)
Not only am I an A-hole, but I’m also the VP of publishing. I’m important. Please remember that.

ALLISON
(smiling)
Okay, I’ll be sure to remember that.

TOMMY
That’s all I ask.

The girls walk away. Allison, still smiling, glances back at Tommy.

So there it is. I shared the 1st ten pages of my bromance comedy. Can you tell where the inspiration came from? Does Tommy sound familiar? I bet he does! This script was actually t-blawg before t-blawg existed. The story gets better.

Would you read more??? Let me know on here, Facebook or Twitter!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Movies, Screenwriting, Sex, Social Media, t-blawg, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Wing Man, Women, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “Titletown” Post

June 20, 2011 By 4 Comments

You served me well my playoff beard

Let’s just start this t-blawg post like this. 10 years. 4 teams. 1 city. 7 championships.

That’s right. Boston is “Titletown” and nobody else can claim that. I can turn this post into one hell of a bragging rights session about Boston’s sports dominance because let’s face it. Nobody can talk Boston better than me. But I’m not going to do that. Not today anyways. Instead I am going to write about why the nickname “Titletown” is more than just about the championships and bragging rights for my city. I would like to direct you to the pic just above. Oh snap. Is that Milan Lucic?! No. It’s not. It’s me. Rocking my “#24 Terry O’Reilly” Bruins hat and my Bruins playoff beard. That’s right. A full length playoff beard and my favorite Bruins player as a kid. That’s how far back I go. That’s how loyal I am. That’s Boston. Pure, loyal, hard-working, fighting, earning every inch and every win, Boston. And the Boston Bruins recent Stanley Cup championship has shown that. Just like how I showed my loyalty every day during their playoff run by going months without shaving. To show my dedication to my team. To my city. The Boston Bruins were the last of the “No championship winning. Boston sports teams suck. Wait ‘til next year.” teams. We waited. We fought. We stayed loyal. All of us. And yes I use the term “we” when describing my teams. My city. Its people. My people. Why? Because that’s “Titletown”. That’s Boston.

As a little kid I wore my Easter basket on my head and took slap shots of foil puck balls off of my grandfather as he played goalie with his slipper. We were the Black and Gold. Not the Black and Yellow for all you come lately bandwagon pink hatters! My old Italian Papa and I were the Bruins and they never won The Cup when my grandfather and I had our time together before he passed away. This Stanley Cup win was for him. For me. For Boston. Just like the Pats did it for us. Just like the Sox did it for us. And the same as the Celtics. The teams represent the people. Our heart. Our class. Our love. Our loyalty. Our sports teams just give us the spotlight we need to shine every now and then. But it’s always there. Always was. Always will be. The 2010-2011 Boston Bruins were the last of the losers in other cities’ eyes. But never in the eyes of Boston. The Cup just made it official. We all knew we would win it. Eventually. It’s not optimism. It’s just how we are. We are confident enough to know we will win and never falter when the naysayers say we can’t. We won’t. Because Boston will win. Just like me. Just like everybody else with Boston blood in their veins.

History shows all the great battles that took place in Boston. All the wars fought. All the blood spilled. And I’m not talking about sports now. I’m talking about Paul Revere. The Revolutionary War. The Boston Massacre. This city has been fighting, kicking ass and winning way before it had any sports teams. It’s people are a part of history. Hell, even the Kennedys come from my old loyal & tough as nails neighborhood of Eastie! We’ve always fought here. Still do. We’ve always strived to be the best. We work at it. You see it. You hear it in “The Accent”. You see it in our ever-growing popular Oscar-winning Boston-based movies. And you now know it from the 10 years of complete and total sports dominance. Boston was always “Titletown”. Will always be “Titletown”. Whether our sports teams are putting trophies in cases or not. We know we’re “Titletown”. We know nobody else can make that claim. And now you all know it too. Boston….what?!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Comedy, Crazy, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Family, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Movies, Opinionated, Social Media, Sports, t-blawg, Titletown, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “Why The Hell Is This Expensive?!” Post

June 13, 2011 By 4 Comments

There's about $5000 worth of guacamole right there

We live in a world of expensive taste. Expensive things. I get it. I make a good living. I can afford nice things. But there are some things in this world that are way too expensive for no good reason whatsoever and it pisses me off! It’s not the money. It’s the principle! Some people have a lot of balls charging ridiculous prices for everyday things. And these things should not be expensive! You want to know what they are? Well I’ll tell you dammit. And I’ll also let the world know how much they should be and why.

Razors
I live in downtown Boston and I pay $18 for a 4 pack of razors. Are you shitting me??? Do I get a reach around from some CVS cashier in back for paying that much? I’m Italian so I should shave everyday. But I like a day’s stubble on my face so I go every other day. But if I shaved everyday like I’m supposed to according to corporate America guidelines, that means I’ll go through a razor a week. That’s $216 a year on stupid razors! A pack of razors should be $6 tops.

Gym Memberships
Downtown Boston gyms are ridiculous. A lot of people just pay to either not go and say they belong to a certain gym or go like once a month to say they workout. And monthly rates vary from $80-$300 a month. That is nuts. I grew up in a neighborhood where I paid $19 a month. It had rusty weights and treadmills with shards of metal sticking out that could kill you. That’s all I needed though. I don’t need a pretty gym. Just give me the basics. Unfortunately, I don’t have a basic cheap gym option in downtown Boston. But I have a way with words and negotiated a set $69 a month for a high-end gym. But no way should any gym membership be more than $30 a month. No way.

Christmas Trees
I’ve never been big on getting a Christmas tree while living on my own. Never saw the point. I mean Santa hates my guts. I don’t have kids. I’m not in a serious relationship. Why the hell would I get one?! But I’m also anti-fake trees. They look stupid. If you’re going to get one, might as well be the real thing. I’ve gotten one like 3 times in my life. And I hate paying what they ask. And I see what people with kids are willing to pay for these future fire hazards. Like around $60-$150. Really?! The thing will be dead in like 2 days and all you really get from them are fucking pine needles in your car trunk and all over your house for years later. Why pay that much? They all should be $15 max. Or pull a Clark W. Griswold and go steal a tree by ripping it out of the ground. Preferably from your asshole neighbor’s yard.

Mixed drinks
I drink Jack Daniels & Ginger Ale. It’s My Signature Drink! When I go out in Boston, it costs me an average of $10 per Jack & Ginger. Now I did the math. I can buy a 750ml bottle of Jack at the liquor store for $18. A bottle of ginger ale is $2. That’s $20. And I can get a solid 13 buzz worthy drinks out of that. For $20. That would cost me $130 at the bar for that shit, tip not included! And the bar/lounge/club gets that shit from a distributor even cheaper than what we pay at the liquor store! The bar spends around $12. That’s $118 profit per bottle. WTF?! That is ridiculous. A mixed drink in any city should not be more than $5.50 per drink. Period. Make this law!

Cologne
Really?! I like to smell nice. I do. So I have no choice. And it’s Bro Code. But they come in like dixie cup sizes that last like a week! $42 for like a 7 spray bottle?! $70 for like a 12 spray bottle?! Go fuck yourself Ralph Lauren! Somebody invent some good smelling cologne that comes in a jug for around $18 that lasts 5 years! Call it Man Shit cologne. Thank me later.

Cable
I pay $173.19 a month for my HD cable with DVR/HBO and wireless internet. No need for a home phone. I hardly watch TV live except for sports. But I need this package. The cable people are criminals with licenses to legally operate. It’s bullshit. They try to ass rape you every time their service or equipment stops working too! It’s their fault, yet we have to pay. My combo package should be no more than $37 a month. If I was still a young asshole, I would be stealing cable like my father did when I was a kid. He was right about that. Probably the only thing he was ever right about.

Dry Cleaning
I only wash my gym clothes, socks, boxers, t-shirts and towels. The rest of my stuff I send out to the dry cleaner. Been this way since I was like 14 years old because as much as I love my mother, she couldn’t wash clothes for shit. My stuff would turn colors and shrink every damn time. I looked like a Hawaiian hippie wearing baby clothes. But as a grown man who wears suits to work and likes to have nice clothes, I rack up one hell of a dry cleaning bill weekly. Why the hell does it cost around $16 to dry clean a suit? It’s just a pair of pants and a jacket. $3 for a button up shirt with a little starch?! $7 for a pair of pants?! My dry cleaning can max out at almost $100 a month. I should be paying $35 max. I should look into buying some dry cleaning equipment for my house. Start a home business. Hmmm.

Milk
I pay an average of $5.19 for a gallon of milk. I drink a gallon a week. Been drinking skim for about 15 years. Shouldn’t skim milk be less than whole, 2% and 1%?! I think so! But it’s not. That’s some bullshit. Milk is still from a cow right? I mean is the planet running out of friggin’ cows or something? They’re cows. Not snow leopards. Milk should not be more than $3.25 a gallon.

Movie tickets
I’m a movie guy. I go for pleasure. For my business. I see every movie. EVERY movie. So I go every week. It’s $11 a ticket. $13 if I see a shitty 3-D movie. If I take a date and get her some popcorn and a drink? You’re talking like a million dollars a year for me! No exaggeration. Come on Hollywood! You’ve been putting out shit for years. Drop your ticket prices. A movie ticket should be $4 tops. And if the movie sucks, I should get half back right?

Chipotle guacamole
Oh you fuckers. Hey I like guacamole on my damn burrito. Wow. That sounded dirty. What I don’t like is having to pay an extra $1.95 to get it on my burrito at Chipotle! What the fuck are they thinking?! It’s guacamole! Not oil. Not gold. Guacamole. Assholes. This shit should be free of charge just like all the other options I have for my burrito. Smarten the fuck up Chipotle!

So those were my gripes on everyday things that are way too expensive for no reason whatsoever. I gave my suggestions for what they should really cost. Can we get somebody on this? Thanks.

What do think? Agree or disagree??? Anything rub your ass the wrong way that you would like to vent about and suggest a cost that you think is proper? Let me know here on t-blawg or on Facebook or on Twitter!

Until next time. Always take it there.
T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Business, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Money, Movies, Opinionated, Social Media, t-blawg, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “T-isms-Things Only T Says” Post

June 6, 2011 By 5 Comments

This whole damn blog is a t-ism! Keep stealing from it and...I won't sue. I will cut you.

Some people say I have a way with words. And I’m not just talking about my writing. I’m talking about my talking. My passion. My habits. My originality! I’m Italian. I love to talk. I’m from Boston. I have an opinion. And I say things a certain way. You remember this post? But I also have sayings. Things I say all the time. If you hang out with me for a night you would hear a lot of things you’ve never heard before come out of my mouth. Mostly original. Some familiar but with a T twist to them. Here are some of my long running and popular sayings. Which I dubbed “T-isms”.

I will cut you.-One of my favorites. Not used as often these days.
When somebody pisses me off I often find myself saying this to the person. Or to my buddies who have to calm me down. Because when I start talking about cutting somebody, somebody just might get cut. And I don’t even have a knife on me! That’s the funny part. It’s a representation really. Of what I might do. Because my closest people know I’m capable of almost anything! So at this point in the night, if somebody is pissing me off and I’m talking about cutting somebody, STOP GIVING ME SHOTS!!!

I said/wrote that. Steal it and I’ll sue.-Used way too often!
The things I say. The things I write. I talk. I text. I tweet. I facebook update. All original T copyrighted material. And SOOO many people rip off my shit without giving me credit. All the damn time. I constantly hear people using my jokes. Telling my stories as if they are their own. Saying my sayings. Using my facebook updates as their fucking own! I don’t mind people using my material. But quote the original source fucker! And that’s T!!! So sometimes I have to write or say “I said/wrote that. Steal it and I’ll sue.” after I put something out there just to let people know. Fucking crooks.

Slampig.-I avoid them now. But they’re still out there! Lurking.
I did not create this. I don’t know who did. Or when. All I know is, this word has been around East Boston for generations. Since it was Noddles Island I think. It describes a dirty chick who banged a bunch of dudes but is still hot looking and easily bangable. She’s a slampig. Used it all the time as a kid and teenager. Everybody from Eastie did. As an adult. With an education. With a good career. With a business. With nice things. I still use it. I brought it into my adult awesome Boston biz life vernacular. And I introduced it to a new group of friends and biz contacts. A new audience. A new world. And I’m damn proud of it.

My spots.-Almost every time I talk about some place I’ve been to more than once.
I frequent many bars, clubs, lounges, restaurants, gyms, movie theaters, businesses….whatever. Wherever I go, often, that place is my spot. I call it my spot. It’s my spot. Not your spot. My spot. Get your own damn spots. Just not my spots. Ok? Good. And once you have a spot of your own, don’t call it your damn spot either. Call it your joint. Or your place. Or your stripe. I don’t give a fuck what you call it! Just don’t use “my spot”. I will cut you.

Stop it.-Too often! Too many people talking about nonsense.
In the middle of a conversation if I start to realize you are making no sense or you are a complete fucking idiot, I will calmly close my eyes, wave my hand and say “Stop it.” And that’s it. Nothing else. Conversation over. Stop talking now.

Eye fucking the shit out of me.-Every time I’m drinking. Doesn’t matter. Every time.
Yes this is from the great comedy classic “Wedding Crashers”. But ever since this great quotable movie came out in 2005, I have embraced this one quote in particular. So much so that 99 out of 100 times when I’m out drinking with my boys you will hear it come out of my mouth even if a chick looked at me for a millisecond. Yep. I don’t care. If you’re a hot chick and you look my way then you are absolutely eye fucking the shit out of me. Seriously. I don’t care if Brad Pitt is standing next to me. I don’t care if your favorite shitty episode of Sex and the City is on the tv behind me. You look, then you’re eye fucking me! Period. For some reason though, fewer girls eye fuck the shit out of me when I’m sober. Weird.

Pun intended.-Mostly when I’m doing anything t-blawg related.
I pride myself on puns. On one liners. On sexual innuendo. On making people laugh. Whether you’re laughing at me or with me, if I like you, then that makes me happy. Sometimes I have to reiterate myself by saying pun intended. It’s the opposite of those people who always feel compelled to say “no pun intended”. That shit is weird! And stupid. All my puns are intended. As they should be.

“This” (Ex. “This chick was like….” “This dude right here….”. “This asshole said…” “This ‘anything really’”)-Ever since I was able to tell a story. Since I was 2 years-old I guess?!
When I’m telling a story to someone I always use “this” a lot to help. It adds to the effect. Between my energy, the accent and crazy Italian arms flailing like a maniac, it makes for a great show. For example, this is a story you might hear me tell. “I was out the other night with this chick right? I mean this chick was hot. And interesting. For a change right? We were having a good time until this douchebag bartender spills a drink across the bar onto her dress. This girl goes fucking nuts! She starts talking  about how this dress she was wearing cost her like $500. So I say ‘This shit didn’t cost you no $500! Stop it.’” Night over.

Trimming The Fat.-I still trim. But not as much. Thankfully.
I coined this last year when I cleaned out my life. I got rid of every negative person. Every pain in the ass drama causing chick. Cut off every friend and family member who did not contribute to my life in any way when times were tough. I trimmed the fat. And I now say that every time I want to get something or someone out of my life that is not on the T bandwagon. That’s what that is all about baby!

;) -At least every fifth text! Every single text to a hot chick. Fo’ reals.
I don’t do LOL. I don’t do I heart you. I don’t do I miss your face. I’m a man. A straight man. I do this ;) . That’s what T says and texts you. That’s how I’m nice. How I flirt. This ;) is my thing. That’s what you get from T.

I Put the F-U in FUN.-I put it in. Wait…what?
Come onnnnn! Who else would say something like this but me?! Doesn’t sound right if anyone else says it.

Holla!!!-Probably like 6-7 times a week. That’s a good guestimate.
When I’m in a good mood, I’ll yell out “Holla!!!”. I’ll even write “Holla!!!” at the end of a great text. Or a positive facebook update. Or a tweet. I don’t know why. I just do. Been doing it for years. It means I’m in a good mood. Don’t fuck with my good mood. Holla!!!

Nicknames. I give everybody nicknames.-I find myself giving people nicknames out loud. And in my head. It’s scary.
Growing up everybody had a nickname. Sometimes they made sense. Sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes you liked them. Sometimes you didn’t. As a grown man in his 30s, I still give everybody a nickname. Friends, chicks, co-workers, strangers, biz contacts….it doesn’t matter. I give people nicknames. I don’t care if you don’t like it. I will call you that nickname whenever the hell I want. And the more you fight your nickname of “Assholeface”, the more I am going to call you “Assholeface”! Out in public. Around hot chicks. At the gym. During a conference call. At Christmas dinner in front of your grandmother. Ok Assholeface?!

So there you have some of my long running sayings. T-isms. Those who know me well, know all of these T-isms. Those who don’t, hang out with me sometime. We’ll go to one of my spots. You’ll get to know them all pretty well too. Then I’ll give you a nickname. If you don’t like it? Stop it. Pun intended. This slampig right here is eye fucking the shit out of me. Holla!!! ;)

Do you have isms??? What do you say or do that nobody else does? That is entertaining? That are constantly taken from your own awesomeness?! Share here. Or on The Twitter. Or on The Facebook.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Bro Code, Business, Celebrity, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Movies, Music, Opinionated, Party, Sex, Social Media, Sports, t-blawg, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “T Does Atlanta in 3 Paragraphs” Post

May 30, 2011 By 4 Comments

Patrón-We have a love/hate relationship

*I’ve decided to do a series of blog posts that capture my travels throughout my life. In 3 paragraphs. I’ll post them every once in a while. Some places I’ve been to a few times, others only once. And some I will probably never go back to because of what went down there.

I’ve been to Atlanta twice in my life. Both times were for a job training. I was stuck in a hotel with a group of 30 strangers from around the country with no means of transportation. So that meant we all had to hang out with each other and do things close to the hotel. I didn’t like that idea. I hate being secluded and I also hate being told what to do. But that was the itinerary given to us by the company we signed on to work for. It was the same month of June. I went down the first week and last week of the month and it was hot as balls. My knowledge of Hotlanta was that everything was owned by Ted fucking Turner and southern rappers at the time kind of sucked. That’s it. And being stuck in the hotel and its 2 mile radius did not broaden my ATL experience in any way that I had hoped. But being T, I adapted. I always find the fun. And when I can’t, I make it. Or destroy everything in sight while trying. It’s my motto.

There was a cute little young thang that worked the hotel front desk. She was the stereotypical southern gal. Blonde, sun dress, pearls, perky and had that southern drawl that made her sound almost retarded. But in a hot way. My accent and attitude combined with my in yo’ face, flirty yet insulting, city charisma charmed the shit out of her. We walked around the area at night and for the first time in my life I saw fireflies! Which I can only scientifically describe as an invisible drunk ghost trying to light his lighter! That shit was awesome. So, after some chicken fried steak and sweet tea (which is friggin’ delicious) I entrusted her to show me and my group of 30 weird ass strangers a good time. The closest thing to a good time in her big, southern blue-eyed slow brain was this giant barn like nightclub called “Big Roy’s Pig & Shit Barn” or something like that and it had…I kid you not…roller derby going on before it turned into a nightclub. Yeah. Roller fucking derby. Giant, butch females beating the shit out of each other on roller skates. I had never seen such a thing! And as you know from this blog, I done seen a lot in my time. Once they wiped the blood away the DJ came out and hundreds of people packed this place. Drinks were very cheap in Atlanta. And this is where I first had….Patrón.

Mixed drinks are about $10-13 in Boston. A shot of Patrón is about $11. In ATL a mixed drink was $3 and Patrón shots were $4. Now this was 2006. Patrón was only seen in like Lil’ Jon blinged out grails. In rap videos. We didn’t have Patrón in Boston at the time. It didn’t make it’s way up until about 6-8 months later. I really wasn’t a tequila fan at the time but I wanted to try it. My lady friend, my temporary former gang banger roommate from B-More and about half of the mentally challenged crew had already had it before. They were southern. I was Bostonian. We lined up the shots. And that was where my love affair for Patrón began. It went down easier than my southern hotel front desk girl. ZING! Nine shots later I was snapping my fingers to Lil’ Jon and dancing like an idiot on a blood stained roller derby rink yelling out “YEAH!” “WHAT?!” “OKAAAAY!” That was Atlanta for me. I came back to Boston and waited for the day that Patrón finally arrived. Atlanta is ok. It wasn’t the experience I wanted. I need to try it again. But it gave me Patrón and fireflies. For that I’ll always be grateful to the ATL. But I love Boston the best.

What do you think? Does this sound like Atlanta??? Should I go back?! What did I miss out on? Talk to me people!!! Hit me up here on t-blawg itself or on Twitter or on the Facebook page!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Atlanta, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Business, Celebrity, Comedy, Crazy, Dating, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Movies, Music, Opinionated, Party, Sex, t-blawg, travel, TV, Uncategorized, Women, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “How T-Wood Save Hollywood” Post

May 23, 2011 By 4 Comments

T-Wood save the "biz"!

I’m breaking t-blawg form here. I want to write about something that isn’t the 3 paragraph style. Isn’t a usual yet T original top 10ish list. Isn’t about dating, women, Bro code, sports, Boston, social media, awesomeness, etc. I want to address something that is near and dear to me. And that is Hollywood. The movie biz. You see, I’m not only the most awesome blogger in the history of the whole entire internet. I’m not only a cool ass, sexy, Boston guy. I’m not only a social media maven. But I’m also a screenwriter. Not a paid screenwriter. I’ve been close to it a few times. Have some nibbles on my rod as I write this. Pun intended. But I’m still a screenwriter nonetheless. And as a screenwriter who has been in this game for a few years now, with an arsenal of movie & tv scripts and treatments, I have some serious opinions on the current horrible state of Hollywood and how to fix it. How? Well let me tell you! Hollywood, pay attention.

NO MORE SEQUELS!!!
A sequel for every damn movie that makes just over what it cost to make the original isn’t necessary Hollywood. A sequel should only be made if the writer, cast and crew will be able to continue the story and develop the characters. Don’t do it for an extra buck or two!

NO MORE REMAKES/REBOOTS!!!!
Hollywood likes a proven formula. A built-in audience. I get it. But for every “Dark Knight” there are 20 “A-Teams”. How do you not get this?! Try an original flick now and then.

WE NEED HOLLYWOOD EAST, HOLLYWOOD NEEDS BOSTON. SERIOUSLY.
Look at all the material coming out of Boston! Mystic River, The Fighter, The Town, The Social Network, The Departed, Paul Blart, 21, Fever Pitch, Grown Ups, Zookeeper, What’s Your Number?, Ted & Here Comes the Boom (filming right now) etc. Is this even a question? Forget about the economy, the current state of Hollywood and the first failed attempt at Hollywood East. This needs to happen. Get some major studios to throw in with some major Boston-based companies and form a group to get this thing going. ASAP.

TV NETWORKS NEED TO TAKE CHANCES
NBC is horrible. Must See TV is dead. CBS just spins off their shows. Fox is a junior reality show network. These channels need to take the chances that TNT & USA are learning from FX, HBO and SHOWTIME. Original material is out there, they just need the balls to make it.

PAID WRITERS NEED TO GET BACK TO REAL WRITING
Stop writing safe. Stop writing what you think Hollywood wants you to write. Write something amazingly original and grind until you convince the big wigs to produce. Hollywood needs you and all of you are already in. Remember that.

ACTORS NEED TO ACT, NOT BE CELEBRITIES
Get off of TMZ. Get off Twitter. Get out of the limelight. Act. The actor has been dead for a long time. The celebrity has been in control for too long. Go act your way to credibility again.

MOVIE TICKETS NEED TO BE CHEAPER!
Of course the cost to make movies has risen. So ticket prices must rise. Right. But asking audiences to pay insane prices for low quality movies will make them stay home and wait for the DVD, On-Demand or cable. Make a good movie and the people will pay. Duh.

DVDS MUST COME OUT MONTHS AFTER THE MOVIES. IT’S CALLED A GRACE PERIOD FOR A REASON.
The rush to put out a DVD weeks after the movie is in theaters is ridiculous. I want to want to buy the DVD because the movie was good enough for me to want to own. Not because the movie was mediocre and it’s now on the shelf at Target 2 weeks later.

STUDIOS NEED TO BE OPEN TO ORIGINAL MATERIAL. THIS IS A GIVEN!
Whether it’s from a current writer or somebody trying to break in, the “Not Listening to New Material Pitches” is horrible from both a business approach and shows that Hollywood is blind to the damage they are causing to the art form of great movie making. Listen to new pitches!!! Remember. There was a time when that franchise you have was an original idea pitched to you. Billions and billions of dollars ago. Stupid executive guy.

3D NEEDS TO GO AWAY. FAR, FAR AWAY.
I know it’s not. But how about we compromise. Only make a movie 3D if both the story and visual effects are equally great? Deal?

MAKE IT LAW: DIRECTORS CAN ONLY MAKE SPECIAL EFFECTS FILLED MOVIES ONLY IF THEY MAKE GOOD MOVIES FIRST
Show the audience you can make a good movie first with just a good script, decent cast and a regular camera, then you get to make your 200 million dollar end of the world 3D popcorn flick!

COMIC BOOK MOVIES NEED TO STOP. NOTHING NEW TO OFFER AT THIS TIME.
I waited for years for Hollywood to start making good comic book movies. They finally did. And then once they made some money, the floodgates opened and every single comic book and graphic novel got the green light to be made. Now it’s out of control. Just….stop. Not every comic book needs to be turned into a horrible, pointless movie. If the comic book is lame, what makes you think the movie won’t be as well?

THERE MUST BE GOOD MOVIES DURING SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER SEASON
How about this simple formula? For every 3 big budget popcorn flicks a studio puts out from Memorial Day until the end of August, they must put out an original, quality movie that isn’t a sequel, wasn’t made for over $60 mil and didn’t have a trailer during the Super Bowl. Deal?

REALITY TELEVISION NEEDS TO DIE!
That’s it. Period. Or, all the networks should throw money into creating one major network that only has reality shows. Take them off their current schedules and play them on that network 24 hours a day. With DVRs and advertisements, everybody will make money while the main networks can get back to original scripted tv shows.

NO MORE BIOPICS ABOUT KIDDIES LIKE BIEBER AND MILEY WHO HAVEN’T EVEN LIVED THEIR STUPID LIVES YET. REALLY?!
Stop it. No T explanation needed. Just stop it.

STOP BOOTLEGGING PEOPLE! PAY UP.
There are a million easy ways to bootleg things this day and age. I know. But just think about the people who aren’t making the big bucks. Who are just trying to pay their bills. Support themselves and their families. Don’t bootleg just because you can. Just pay. And enjoy the hard work of so many people trying to entertain you!

If Hollywood can address and make these changes, I GUARANTEE the “biz” and the world will be a better place! Trust me. As a writer, businessman and consultant extraordinaire gun-for-hire, I know my stuff. Listen to me now, then thank me later Hollywood. You can reach me here. I’m waiting.

What do you think??? Am I crazy?! Do you like what’s in theaters right now? Are you DVRing and watching shows you really love? I want to know! Hit me up here or on Facebook or Twitter!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Business, Celebrity, Comedy, Different, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Funny, Humor, Interesting, Life, Los Angeles, Money, Movies, Opinionated, Screenwriting, Social Media, t-blawg, TV, Twitter, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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My “Boston Lucky 13 List” Post

May 16, 2011 By 6 Comments

Best of both worlds

So many people from Boston will tell you how great Boston is. And you know what? I’m one of them. You’d be hard pressed to find somebody who puts on for Boston more than me! You’ve been reading this blog right?! Remember posts like this? Or this?! And let’s not forget about the most famous and important blog post in blogging history (Look at that tweet count yo!) Everyday on Twitter and Facebook I put on for Boston. In my real life I put on for Boston. All my friends and family know I’m the go to Boston guy. I know what’s going on. I’m at the big games. I can get us into the hot spots. I know the people you need to know. I’m on the movie sets. At the big events. Out of town friends ask me about Boston all the time. Where to go. What to do. That’s me. That’s T. I’ve always been that guy. Always will be that guy. And I love it. I love Boston. I’m married to the city. My longest commitment. I’m not one to ever complain about her. Never threaten to leave her. Never leave her and then come back again like so many people do to her. Never love her from afar. I’m here. Living and loving Boston! Since birth. Until the day I leave this Earth. I’m more than a Sox hat. So. Some readers and friends have asked me for a while to write about the top things I love about Boston. That’s crazy! There’s so much! Where do I even begin?! So, I started a list. And this post came to be. I decided to do 13. Lucky number 13. I wanted to avoid the gimmicky tourist stuff. And the most common things that make usual obvious Boston lists. But there are so many things I love about Boston. So I just tried my best to make a list that covers all bases. All of T’s bases really. There is no way I can pick and list everything. So I picked 13 things I love about my city. And why. Here they are.

13. The Accent
The accent is our trademark. There is no other accent in the world like it. It’s either the greatest thing to bless your ears or the worst thing you have ever heard. Fact. And not one Boston-based movie has yet to really capture the accent. Come talk to me if you want authenticity. The accent will either capture your heart or make you want to punch me in my face. I’ll take either one.

12. Commonwealth Avenue Mall
The Comm Ave Mall isn’t a building with stores and a food court. No. It’s a string of little parks in the middle of Comm Ave that run the length of the neighborhood of Back Bay. Start at Mass Ave. and work your way down to the Public Gardens. 8 city blocks! It’s a thing of beauty. I’ve spent many mornings running it. Ran into Tom & Giselle. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Saw Mel Gibson shoot a scene. Walked by Bruce Willis drinking coffee. Saw Obama drive by. Watched protesters march. Even saw bloody zombies crawl through once. Strolled through with beautiful women. Including one of my closest Bullpen ladies. We used to talk about life. And I’ve walked through with some beautiful little ladies, my nieces. Where we looked for ninjas and sang about our galoshes. Yes. Wait for that future Uncle T post! Anyways. Walk the Comm Ave Mall! Take in everything around you. Trust me here. T kids you not. It’s Boston at its best.

11. The Charles
The Charles is…well, the Charles. The Esplanade. The Hatch Shell. The River. The sailboats. The fireworks. The parks. The joggers. The bike riders. The view. The duck boats. The skyline. The sun rises. The smell. The sounds. Storrow Drive. The foot bridges. The people. The…Charles.

10. The History
Boston is one of the oldest cities in the world. A lot of events have played out in Boston throughout history. This isn’t a history class. This is t-blawg. But walk around the city. You’ll learn something every single place you go in Boston. I promise. I’m not just talking about the sights. I’m talking about the people. Walk through the North End and chat up an old-timer sitting outside on a bench. You’ll learn things that cannot be unlearned.

9. Museum of Science
I was a kid who paid attention on field trips. I loved learning. I loved being smart. I loved having fun. Still do. This is the best place to go for that. This is my Disney. In my backyard. I take my nieces here all the time as a cover story really. Because I really want to go more than them. I love the dinosaur. I love the electricity room. I love looking for the queen bee in the bee thing. I love the musical steps. This is one of my all time favorite places.

8. Downtown Crossing
Not the greatest part of Boston. It used to have a bad rap because of “The Combat Zone.” Which was full of crime during the 60s & 70s. But as a kid who grew up in the 80s & 90s, this was the part of Boston that people took the train into Boston to go shopping. The big Boston stores were here. Not so much now. But I remember taking the train in with my mother, grandmother, aunt and cousins. I walk through Downtown Crossing all the time, now that I live right in Boston. I think of those times when I was a kid every single time. It’s a time that is long gone, but great memories. This is old school dirty Boston.

7. The People
What can I say? We’re loyal. Honest. Hard working. Funny. Fast paced. Loud. Opinionated. Full of attitude. And look better from the inside looking out then to outsiders looking in. And we like it that way. No better people on the planet. You better believe that.

6. Whiskey’s on Sundays
Tons of places to drink in Boston. Tons of places to get cheap eats. Tons of places to watch the game. No place is better than Whiskey’s on Boylston St. on a cold Sunday afternoon during Pats season. No place. And I also used to get my drinks from Playboy’s Cyber Girl of Year! There’s always lots of smiles and high fives going around in this place. Boston pride baby.

5. Patriot’s Day/Marathon Monday
Patriot’s Day is Boston’s own private holiday. It’s also my favorite day of the year! Along with my birthday. On Patriot’s Day (not our football team by the way) you wake up early, get your day drinking going, go to the morning Sox game, watch the marathon in the early afternoon, do some midday house partying and bar hop into the night. Everybody is off from work. Everybody has a good time. It’s Boston at it’s best!

4. The Pru (The Prudential Building)
The Pru is a tourist attraction. Absolutely. But to me, when I’m out of town and I return back to Boston and get a glimpse of it either from a distance or up close, from an airplane or from the ground, I know one thing. I know I’m home. And I swear to you, that beautiful building is lit up and smiling at me every time.

3. Both Sides of Boston Harbor
I grew up in East Boston. Growing up in Eastie there weren’t too many beautiful things to see. It was a rough neighborhood and you got to watch and listen to airplanes come and go to and from better places. When I was about 9 years old the city of Boston built a harbor walk at the end of Eastie at the harbor. I used to walk it with my mother, aunt and cousins. When I got older, I used to rollerblade it with my cousin. At the end of the walk, you could see Boston. It was the most beautiful thing to see. Years later while working in Boston, I found myself walking behind the Aquarium and stumbled upon a giant compass painted on the ground. It was the Boston Compass Rose. It was at the end of the harbor. I looked across and could see East Boston. I could see exactly where I used to look from the other side. It is now the most beautiful thing to see.

2. Fenway Park
I’ve written about Fenway so many times in this blog. Fenway is Boston. Enough said.

1. East Boston
Really?! Eastie??? Number 1?! YES. It’s the part of the city that created me. My hood. For better or worse, Eastie will always be my home. As a grown man I can now appreciate the old, broken down Boston neighborhood that raised me. There’s some good people in that neighborhood. Some got out. Some still there. For you outsiders, it’s more than just Logan airport. More than a pizza place. More than a bad area to avoid. So much more. I’ll tell those Eastie stories one day. Until then, Eastie is and will always be #1 on my Boston list.

What does T love about Boston? Everything. Now you know at least 13 reasons why.

What do you love about Boston? Do you agree with this list? What else would you like for me to blog about when it comes to my great city of Boston? Reply here on the site or on Facebook or Tweet me. I’ll answer. Because I always have something to say!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

Filed Under: Alcohol, Awesomeness, Blog, Boston, Celebrity, Children, Comedy, Crazy, Different, Edgy, Entertainment, Exciting, Facebook, Family, Funny, Holiday, Humor, Interesting, Life, Movies, Opinionated, Party, Social Media, Sports, t-blawg, travel, TV, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women, Work, Writing Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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