T-pisode 11: Logic vs Feelings

So my last post offended some people. This made me finally want to write my men think logically, women think with feelings post. Case in point. The women who took issue with my “I don’t have kids” post took it personally and yelled at me. Fine. I’m a big boy. I can take it. The men who had issues with it reached out to me and asked questions about certain parts in the post. I gave explanation. Matter resolved. Because us men think. Like to figure things out. Come up with a logical answer. Keep it simple. Get right to it. Then move the fuck on. Women want to yell. Complain. Crave attention. Think more into every single friggin’ thing than is necessary! Instead of taking the time to figure shit out, they want to go nuts and think the world is trying to destroy them. Everybody is the enemy. Take the time to take a step back and think it out before speaking you say? No way. Try to talk something out without yelling or crying? No way. Drag shit out? YES! You want examples. Well, I’ll give them to you baby.

1. Going Out
Man-shaves, showers, brushes teeth, gets dressed. Done. Woman-I’m not feeling my hair like this. This dress makes me look fat. I can’t wear these shoes because Susan has them and she might be wearing them somewhere right now someplace and they look better on her than me. You think Susan’s hotter anyways, don’t you? My makeup sucks. I’m ugly. How many beers have you drank so far? We’re going to be late again. I’m just going to tell everybody you got lost again.

2. Ordering Food
Man-I’ll have the steak. Medium rare. Baked potato. Amstel. Done in under 20 seconds. Woman-Hmmm. Hmmm. What are the specials again? I wasn’t listening. hehehe. Now can they make the mushrooms not caramelized? I’m off of sugar right now. How is the salmon prepared? Where is it from? Oh not that ocean? How much fat is in that? Is that really a vegetable? What kind of cheese comes on it though? I love the chicken marsala here. But I get it every time. What is a quail really? A little peacock? Mmmm. That molten chocolate lava cake looks delicious over there. Ohhh. I still have to order don’t I??? hehehe.

3. Working Out
Man-Shit. It’s late. I’m beat. I’ll just go tomorrow. Woman-Oh my God if I miss my kickboxing class tonight I will kill you!!!! I have to go! I ate a whole jar of peanut butter today because I am so stressed from work! That bitch Mary at the office is trying to get me fired! She hates me! You hate me! My left arm jiggles when I touch it! Look! You did this to me! I need to run at least 37 miles tomorrow morning too. That means I have to go to bed early and miss Grey’s! You better DVR it this time! I missed it last week because of yoouuu!!! You know I don’t know how to work the DVR! Are you laughing at me?!

4. Wanting to Meet Friends/Family
Man-Meet your friends? Your family? Whatever. Woman-I want to meet your mother. You think she’ll like me?! She won’t like me. Does she even know about me? What I do for work? What I look like? How come you never talk about your father? Do you even have parents??? What about your friends? I hope they’re better than your buddy Steve! He’s a man whore! Are you a man whore?! You are aren’t you??? I fucking knew it! My friends were right about you!

5. Sex
Man-Let’s do it. Woman-Is this just sex or are we making love? It would mean more to me if you said you loved me. But not now. Or during. But after. And you have to mean it. Do you say it to every woman? Why don’t you stay and cuddle?! I need to cuddle! It shows that you care. I need comfort. This is unacceptable. No more sex until you like cuddling as much as I do. And don’t kick the cat off the bed next time either. Would you kick our children in the head off the bed like that? You show that you like Mr. Kitty Jenkins and that means you would be a good father. Are you fake sleeping right now??? Where are you going?! Don’t leave me! I will find you!!!

These were just some examples. Now I know not all women think or act with their feelings. And I know not all men are logical. But 99% of the men and women I know are just like this. And these are also some of my experiences. So I guess I’m stereotyping. Oh well. This is my blog and I can do what I want! I mean….are you trying to destroy me?! Don’t you all love me?! You hate me??? Well I hate you too! Where’s the ice cream….I’m fat.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T