T-pisode 15: I Hate Bands

Now before all of you band loving people and people in actual bands get on my case about the title of this post, let me explain myself. I like bands. Even though I’m a big hip hop fan, I like bands. Real bands. Professional bands. However, it’s been my experience during my time, especially in college, that the bands I’ve seen live have really sucked. These are not pro bands. These are “We cannot give up the dream so we do countless covers of more talented bands that we envy and the music we play you cannot dance with a chick to and we will cause your ears to bleed while butchering classics and attempting to play our horrible original music with shitty equipment because we’re broke bands” I hate.

You know what I’m talking about! You go to a bar or a club and there’s this shitty band playing loudly in the corner while you’re trying to have a conversation. All of a sudden you start hearing Chumbawamba’s horrible “I Get Knocked Down” sounding even worse than the original! Really?! Why the fuck are you trying to ruin my night shitty band?! All I want to do is go out. Have some drinks. Laugh with my friends. Dance with a few girls. You are ruining all of this. Where’s the dj tonight? Give me a nice beat. Something I can groove to. Some Jay-Z or R. Kelly so I can get my dance on! You can’t dance to band music. Come on don’t lie! You know you can’t. You kind of just stand there, watching, doing a little body shake with the occasional “Whoo!” “This rocks!” “Awesome.” And some pointing. Pointing at the band. Pointing at your friends. All the while you know you regret coming. You hate your friend for convincing you to come and finally realize how bad his or her taste in bands is while you pretend to be having a good time so not to hurt their feelings. It’s stupid really. Me? I’m usually like “This band sucks. Fuck this. I’m out.” And I leave.

I have a lot of friends who pay big bucks and travel all over just to hear shitty bands. Not me. I’ll pay for Guns & Roses. Metallica. Linkin Park. Kings of Leon. Or any band that the radio or MTV tells me are good. That’s right I said it. Let me know when your band gets on the radio. Sells a few million records. Goes mainstream. Because then I know the band doesn’t suck anymore. They’re no longer playing to drunken 21 year olds. They no longer make that loud eardrum popping sound that the mic makes when it gets too close to the damn speakers. Maybe once you get to that level, I will stop hating you. Well maybe not. Dave Matthews Band has been at the level for years and I still hate them. Come on! He sounds like Kermit the Frog whining!!! Damn…I hate bands.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T