T-pisode 42: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!

There are so many things we all do wrong. To people in our lives. To strangers. But most importantly, to ourselves. For some reason we sometimes do things the same way every time and expect to get something different. But we never do. You definitely can learn from your mistakes but first you have to recognize what you’re doing wrong. I came up with a checklist of sorts to help you realize when you’re doing it wrong. So you can avoid shitting on people and avoid shitting on yourself. Carry it with you. I present my “You’re Doing It Wrong!” checklist.

If you’re married and still talking to your ex about everything…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you’re in a relationship and go out to find yourself saying “I just need a blow job from some chick” or “If I only blow him it’s not cheating”…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If your paycheck doesn’t cover your bills…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you blame everybody else for your problems and never find yourself saying “Wow. I really messed that one up.” …YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you run into her/him years later and pickup fighting where you left off…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you’re driving a brand new car but still live at home…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If 3 of your meals this week came from your mom…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you’ve seen your favorite bartender more times in the last 6 months than anyone of your local blood relatives…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you take more interest in the Jersey Shore than your own life…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you care more about Ronnie & Sam’s relationship than anyone of your own relationships…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you only pray when you need something…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you only voted one time for Obama or McCain because your friend did…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If your constant Facebook updates of “Fuck My Life” outweigh the amount of times your updates have read “My Life is Awesome”…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you only go to the gym the day after you ate like a pig or drank like a fish…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you only call your so-called good friend up when you need a favor…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you only see your relatives at weddings & funerals…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If your only response to somebody who disagrees with you is to swing at them…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you never reach for the bill when you all go out…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you only see her/him when it’s dark out and you’re drunk…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you only call her/him because your real she/he isn’t around or answering…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you can’t tell when someone is going above and beyond all the rest to get and keep your attention…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you only go out to get drunk, laid or high instead of socializing…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you think everybody wants to hear you complaining about every stupid thing in your life when they first log on Facebook in the morning…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you’re only getting married because “Hey, she put her time in. Why not?” …YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you think you have a better shot at taking home the stripper/bartender/waitress than the next guy…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If your “game” consists of being a jacked tanned douche or a drunken mess who’s legs are easy to open…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you count favors and hold them over your friends heads…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you never do a friend a favor just because…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you constantly tell everybody how much you make/how much it cost/how much you have…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you only hear the sound of your voice in the majority of the conversations you are involved in…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you think only hooking up counts as dating…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you think you can cut back on the sex/working out/romance/being spontaneous/having as much fun once the relationship gets more serious…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

If you go through life only saying and doing the things you think people expect from you…YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

So there are some things that the majority of us do or know some people that do. Now you know it’s wrong. No excuses. Recognize and make some changes. That’s all there is to it.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T