T-pisode 69: Wing Man/Woman Limbo

So I’ve talked about being a wing man before. It’s something we’re all familiar with right? A role played when we’re out with our friends having a good time and looking to meet somebody. Somebody has to take one for the team. Talk up your pal. Be nice to the pals of the person he or she is talking to. Notoriously named after Maverick, Goose and Ice in the movie Top Gun. Seen in bars, clubs and lounges on any given night across the world. It’s known. It’s established. It’s always talked about. But there is something that happens every once in a while that is well, different. What I want to talk about here is “Wing Man/Woman Limbo”. What’s that you say? No it doesn’t involve bending your body under a pole to island music. It’s more like the “Non-Wipe Wipe”. You know. When you wipe with the toilet paper and nothing’s there. It’s like a weird ass miracle! It’s not supposed to happen. Something is supposed to be there! But all you can do is wonder what just happened? It’s never talked about. And it happens once in a blue moon. Just like “Wing Man/Woman Limbo”.

The “Wing Man/Woman Limbo” scenario happens 1 out of 100 times of going out with your friends. Trust me, I’ve done research. This is t-blawg. “Wing Man/Woman Limbo” is weird. It’s different. And it doesn’t make you any less of a wing man/woman. It doesn’t make you any less of a friend. It just sucks when it happens because you can’t figure out why. Here’s what happens. Your friend meets somebody. They have a friend. You’re your friend’s friend. There are 4 of you. Your friend and the person they just met hit it off. Now it’s just you and the hit off person’s friend. Now, as a wing man/woman this is the part where you do what a wing man/woman is supposed to do. If you are both attracted to each other, great. I don’t need to explain what happens. It’s a given that you will probably get some action too. Bonus. And if you think that person is busted, miserable, annoying, stupid, whatever, you just have to entertain them long enough until your friend does his/her thing. That’s their bonus. And you did your job. But what happens when nothing happens at all??? No attraction. No not being attracted. No liking. No hating. No talking. No dancing. No anything. Just awkward silence. This is “Wing Man/Woman Limbo” my friends. And it sucks.

This happened when I was out with a buddy recently. My buddy and some chick hit it off and started to talk. Flirt. Laugh. Touch. Drink. Her friend and I just moved to the side in silence. No introductions. No head nods. No hand shakes. She wasn’t ugly. She wasn’t attractive. She didn’t talk. I didn’t talk. And neither one of us could leave because wing people don’t do that! We were obligated to our friends. We were also obligated to not be rude to each other because we would then have to tell our friends how much his/her friend sucked. We couldn’t go back to our friends who were having fun because then we would be c-blockers. We couldn’t hit on other people. We couldn’t dance. We couldn’t look at our phones. All we could do was look around and wonder why the hell neither of us didn’t wanted to talk to each other!!! All we kept doing was looking around the bar trying to avoid each other’s eye contact. Both silently wondering why we don’t want to talk to each other. What was the reason? I DON’T KNOW!!! Finally our friends came back over. They exchanged numbers. My buddy said “How was the friend? She was cute.” I didn’t have an answer. And I didn’t want to explain my time in “Wing Man/Woman Limbo”. All I could say was “She was ok. Nothing special.” And it was over. I now have 99 more times of going out with my boys before this happens to me again. And just like a prisoner says after getting out of prison “I’m never going back.”

Until next time. Always take it there.

T