My social media Lent sabbatical was March 9-April 24 2011. I was sick of Facebook and Twitter. People were annoying me. So I took a break. For 46 days! I’m a man of my word. And I don’t lie. For 46 days I stayed off the Big 2! But a lot has happened in the world in those 46 days. Important things. Big things. Stupid things. Regardless, all things that T would usually have a Facebook update and/or tweet ready to go to entertain the world like only T can! Here’s what went on and what I would’ve said on Facebook or Twitter at the time. In chronological order.
Tom Brady Dancing at Carnival Awkwardly in a Ponytail-“You’re killing me Smalls!”
Pope John Paul Got a Facebook Page-“I’m not liking this page until he puts up pics of a pimped out Pope Mobile. Put some Ds on that bitch!”
Charlie Sheen Announced His Tour-“If I buy tickets and he’s dead come show time I better get a damn refund. And you know this is going to suck right? RIGHT?! #justsaying”
People Playing Out Charlie Sheen-“All you assholes who are over using winning and tiger blood really fucked up a funny thing. Good job you unfunny, unoriginal dopes.”
The Earthquake and Tsunami-“This is insane. It’s getting tougher and tougher to debunk all those end of the world predictions made years ago by idiots. Scary.”
Gilbert Gottfried Fired By Aflac for His Tasteless Earthquake and Tsunami Comments-“Tasteless? Yes. But should he have been fired? No way. He’s a raunchy comedian. They knew that before they hired him. It’s not like it was Obama doing the duck voice and then tweeted those jokes. They knew what they were in bed with. Now there’s hope Ben Affleck can finally do the duck voice.”
14th Anniversary of the Death of The Notorious BIG-“Thumping “Ready to Die” and “Life After Death” non-stop! Baby Babaay! #nowplaying”
NFL Lockout-“Sundays suck now without football. Imagine come September through February? This is some bullshit. I blame the Jets. Go #Pats!”
Battle Los Angeles-“A poor man’s Independence Day meets Cloverfield. No story. Every stereotypical military movie character. And you never see a clear shot of the aliens. Stupid. But the shooting was done Saving Private Ryan style. Only highlight.”
The Bachelor Finale-“Ever notice how every women who claims she doesn’t need or want a man is so invested into this show? Hmmm. #denial #stoplying”
Snooki at Wrestlemania-“Is she fighting that dude that punched her off the stool?! If so I’m totally watching wrestling like it was 1988 again! Holla!”
Chicks Who Quote Snooki-“Speaking of Snooki. I don’t care how hot you are. If you’re quoting Snooki on #facebook and/or #twitter, you have nothing to offer the world. Or me. #justsaying”
Nate Dogg Died-“Somebody had to regulate. His name was Jesus. I’ll pour some out for you homie. At least Warren G can now restart the G Funk era.”
American Pie 4-“The entire original cast is returning. That’s crazy! How?! They’ve all become such busy superstars though since the last one! Oh wait.”
Rebecca Black-“I hope she and #JustinBieber get Japanese radiation poisoning. My fucking ears! #notnowplayingever”
St. Paddy’s Day-“Getting shit faced! Partying so hard right now!!! Um no. I’m a grown ass Italian man who’s lived in Boston his entire life. I don’t partake in amateur hour.”
Limitless-“A writer and a cocky asshole? I’m suing somebody. Decent flick though. Except the last 2 minutes. The movie’s screenwriter called the ending in.”
Twitter Turns 5 Years-Old-“5 years of making celebrities think they are more important than they really are while making everybody else dumber 140 characters at a time. #happybday #twitter”
Elizabeth Taylor Died-“I thought she died in 1990 so I didn’t have her in the celebrity death pool. Fucking Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen better pull through ASAP!”
Boondock Saints 2-“Finally watched this sequel. Anybody from Boston who liked this piece of shit has never seen a good movie in their entire life. With the exception of a few exterior shots, this movie was not filmed in Boston just like the first piece of shit. It’s an insult to the accent, the city and it’s people. I might collect some dopes’ Boston cards on this. Disgrace.”
March Madness-“Rather spend my time on women. And making money. And not being a degenerate alcoholic gambler screaming about brackets. But that’s just me though. #marchmadness”
Libya-“Keep up the great work Obama. You’ll get a second term for sure. #sarcasmsomuch”
Lights Out Cancelled-“A boxing show with a shitty cast and a lame storyline gets cancelled?! No way!!!”
LOL and OMG Added to Oxford Dictionary-“I’m a grown ass man. I don’t use this shit. I use ;). #stupid”
Lindsay Lohan Now Just Lindsay-“Lindsay Lohan wants to be known by one name. Just Lindsay. I’m sure GingerWhore or NonActor are available still Lindsay.”
Sucker Punch-“Little Orphan Annie meets Watchmen=A Big Pile of Shit with Hot Chicks Who Can’t Act. #movies.”
Talking Twin Babies-“Best thing I’ve seen with them http://www.buzzfeed.com/gavon/twin-babies-talk-about-the-bronx-zoo-cobra”
New Wonder Woman-“See Megan Fox? If only you could act. And had normal thumbs. You would’ve been set for life baby. #callme”
Baseball Season!!!-“The #RedSox will win 100 games this season. Mark my words.”
Fuck Baseball Season!!!-“Unmark my words. After watching the first 3 games against the #Rangers, the #RedSox look like a bunch of assholes! New Sox. Same shitty pitching. #WTF”
The Boston Movie Trailer-“Best. Thing. Ever. http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d41e5814a3/boston-movie-trailer”
Charlie Sheen’s Tour Sucks-“Of course it does. What the fuck did you think you were going to see?!”
Kurt Cobain’s 17th Anniversary-“Was never into grunge really. He was talented. But the man killed himself. I have no love or respect for anybody who commits suicide. He checked out on life because he was a pussy. Pathetic.”
Bill and Ted 3-“Oh for fucks sake Hollywood. Really?! #enough”
Possible Government Shutdown-“Wait. I thought the government shutdown in 2008??? When did they get back to work? Could’ve fooled me.”
The Red Sox Win-“Fucking finally! 156-6 baby!!! Wooooo!!!!”
Your Highness-“Pineapple Express and Lord of the Rings had a retarded baby. Awful. Kenny Powers and Natalie Portman’s sweet little ass couldn’t save this movie. And can somebody please banish James Franco from Hollywood?”
Boston Sports!-“The Sox are getting it together. Bruins playing Montreal in 1st rd playoffs. Celtics playing New York in 1st rd playoffs. It’s a great time to be a Boston sports fan!”
Scream 4-“Kevin Williamson is back at the genre he started and continuing the story. Nothing new but still decent. The best is how he makes fun of the whole reboot/remake/sequel phase Hollywood is in within a movie sequel making fun of a movie within a movie. Smart. And nicely done. Not sure how good the next 2 Screams will be though.”
4/20-“Anybody over the age of 22 celebrating this day and bragging about smoking weed is a complete fucking tool.” #fuck420
Easter-“The Easter Bunny didn’t bring you a stupid basket. He brought you the return of T. The gift that keeps on giving!” #finallyThasreturned
If you’re not a fan of the t-blawg Facebook page and you’re not following me on Twitter. You’re missing out! Because nobody does social media like T. Nobody!!!
Until next time. Always take it there.
Classic… When you look at it like that it is amazing when you see what happens in a span of time, not to mention how much you absorb.
That’s what I thought too after I read it. It’s amazing what went down over 46 days.
OMG I have totally missed social media T. I have been so busy that, although connected, I have no idea what’s going on in the inner mix. Thanx for the highlights!
& And the Boondock Saints… Wtf is up with that movie? My old roomate used to love it. I swear every time it was on it prompted me to a temporary catatonic state cause it blew!
Well I hope this blog post got you up to speed!
Boondock Saints is an overrated, so called cult classic. It is only liked by people who are blind. And deaf. This is true. There have been studies done on it. It’s sequel is only enjoyed by assholes.
Welcome back man. You summed up the past 46 days perfectly, especially the Charlie Sheen shit. He went from being a hilarious interview to someone I hope is dealt a lethal 8-ball in the span of about a week. As I drove by Agganis Arena on the day of his show in Boston people were outside cheering and way too excited. I hated them all. Now don’t get me wrong, I wanted to go to his show – but certainly wouldn’t have paid more than $10. Not because I thought it’d be good or funny – but I love, LOVE watching people who think they are funnier than they are, and then bomb on stage. It’s just fantastic. I hate him.
I would like for Sheen to go away. But I’d like all the idiots who quote him to go away even more.
Good to have you and your sarcastic, urbane wit back on the interweb bro! So what were you doing for 46 days? Winning! Duh!
Not cool about cobain, that’s a sensitive subject.
This isn’t a sensitive blog.
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