Hurricane Sandy came storming into Boston the weekend that I ended my “Dating Sabbatical.” Great fucking timing Sandy. For almost 7 weeks I went without women. Yep. I was a working out, working, writing machine. And my return to the dating world was going to be that weekend. I shaved off the dating sabbatical beard that Saturday. I even Instagrammed/T-blawged that shit. I noticed that my face was leaner. Maybe it was from the hardcore training I was doing at the gym? Maybe it was from not seeing my sexy ass baby face from being under the beard so long? I do not know people. I just knew that I looked good. Damn good. And I felt good too. It was like I rebuilt my mind. My body. My career. My writing. My relationships with good friends and family. And now it was time to unleash T 2.0 and all my awesomeness upon the world! But here’s the deal. Not only was Sandy visiting town but it was also technically Halloween weekend. And T don’t do Halloween. That’s for kids. T is grown. So my big return was not so big after all. That’s what she said.
I did nothing that Saturday night. I went for a run and sat on my steps. A few college girls in their slutty Halloween costumes walked by as the winds from Sandy started to move in. I was sweaty. Tattoos out. Guns out. A few flirty comments were thrown my way from the young ladies. All I did was smile and say “Looking good ladies. Have fun tonight. Be safe.” In my head I was saying “No more college girls T. You know how that will end buddy. This is the new you. The new and improved Carlito Brigante.” Watch “Carlito’s Way” if you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about right there. So I sat there. Played on the phone a little. I realized that for the first time in a very long time I did not have a pipeline of women in my phone anymore. There were honestly only two women in there that I was texting. That I liked. That I wasn’t actually dating but maybe, possibly wanted to. So I contemplated going out and starting a new pipeline. New options. But used my better judgment and decided not to go down the “having a pipeline” road again and decided that my return could wait another day. So Sunday I met up with one of my closest bros. For the last few Sundays we went out for the Pats games. We would drink, laugh, flirt with waitresses and football it up. This Sunday was windy and rainy. Sandy was almost here. Pats won big and we drank even bigger. Sunday easily rolled into Monday and Sandy was in full blown bitch mode. I “worked from home” that Monday. But I mostly watched Mila Kunis movies (I had my reasons), texted almost everyone, put up a T-pisode and entertained friends & family by putting up crazy shit on Facebook. I know Sandy gave her all elsewhere and it was a tragedy in those places for sure but she didn’t do much here in Boston. Some people lost power but I was mostly unaffected by her. She didn’t live up to the hype. She was all talk. And Hurricane Sandy turned out to be a metaphor for most of the women I dated. Great timing indeed Sandy. My dating sabbatical ended. I was ready to return. And you came into my life by pissing on my weekend and return and then left as soon as you came. Ha. Go figure.
Hurricane Sandy may have had a huge impact on other people but she didn’t do much for me. She just came into my life and made me think. She wasted my time. She was the first new girl to meet the new T and I saw all her flaws a mile away. I didn’t want Sandy. I don’t want the girls I used to date. I am not going on another dating sabbatical ever again. And I don’t have time to waste sitting around, thinking, texting or worrying about dating shit anymore. I’m glad Sandy came in and ruined my big return. She was exactly what I needed. She was a test. And I passed. I did promise myself one thing. By the time the next natural disaster hit Boston, whether it was another bitchy hurricane, a weak ass earthquake or a damn zombie apocalypse, I would be dating and facing it with a good one. And we would enjoy being displaced together. So now I can return to dating, because I have that to look forward to. Dating and impending death. Sweet.
Until next time. Always take it there.