When I decided to write this T-pisode I didn’t know if I should name it “One And Done Dating” or #wontwife. #wontwife would be the complete opposite of my trademark #wouldwife of course if I ever had to give it a hashtag. Defined as me knowing immediately that I would not wife a certain woman. That’s it. Simple. I thought that was a little harsh however and it needed more explaining. Even though it is no harsher than me being immediately deemed #wonthusband. Which has happened. I went with “One And Done Dating” because unlike my superficial #wouldwife posts about beautiful famous women, I need more than that. That’s where the dating comes in. I’ve become very selective about the dates I go on now. I don’t need to date all the time. I don’t want to date all the time. So naturally on dates now I hope to get enough out of the date to know whether I want to see a woman again and obviously whether she wants to see me again. If it isn’t there….that famous spark that is, if that dating spark that we all look for on the first date isn’t there then that’s it. One and done.
You build off the spark. You sit and you talk. You drink and you eat. You do something fun and you talk and you eat and you drink and you laugh and you listen and you learn and you want to want more of it. More of it all. That’s the spark. The spark is the want. Then comes more and more of each other, not getting enough of it, of each other…the spark, the want becomes the need. That’s where it goes once you start dating. It becomes the need. But you have to get through that first date. The spark lights the fire. It’s physics. It’s chemistry. It’s simple right? No. No it’s not. Dating when you don’t care about the want or the need is for younger people just casually dating. Casually hooking up. I’ve been there. That stops with age. That stops with a lot of dating over time. Believe me it stops. Then you start dating on a mission sometimes losing focus and forgetting that you’re just there to have fun and getting to know someone. Those dates never go well. You’ll never find a spark when you forget to have fun. You can’t start a fire throwing rocks at giant brick walls that you both have up. It’s impossible. You can’t find the spark when you’re both just there having too much fun either. That isn’t dating. That’s a one night stand and neither one of you wants to find a spark after a night of lighting one of your beds on fire. The fire was immediately extinguished. Too soon. So you go on dates now where you can sit across from that woman and regardless of how much you have in common, regardless of how beautiful she looks in that dress, regardless of how loud she laughs at your witty jokes and comments…if it isn’t there, if the spark doesn’t flicker, you’re done.
One and done dating has become my dating mantra. My time is taken. That is the life of most 30-somethings. Our time is valuable at this age. My time is mine and it is more valuable to me than money. I can make money. I already make money. But I can’t make time. And I refuse to make up for lost or wasted time. We both want to go on a date. We both want to enjoy each other. We both want to find the things in each other that we are looking for but mostly we want to find the things we had NO idea we were looking for. The spark will start the fire that lights up the way down that path. “I had no idea I was looking for this. That I wanted this. That I wanted you.” If that doesn’t happen then you let them know there is no point in seeing each other again. There will not be another date. You’re both adults. Don’t force it. The other person may see a spark that you’re never going to see. That happens as well sometimes. But remember, you both have to see it. You both have to want it. Then you both have to need it. If not, it’s one and done dating. Just…like…that. Oh if only dating were as simple as I write it sometimes.
Until next time. Always take it there.