post

T-pisode 228: Loyalty

I have a lot of tattoos. This is most certainly not one of mine.

I have a lot of tattoos. This is most certainly not one of mine.

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

I sat and wrote all 10 of these “T defines a certain word” T-pisodes in one sitting. I wanted to write about 10 words that played a part in my life. Then, now and most likely in my future. It took a lot of time to do and it was completely different from anything I’ve ever done on T-blawg but I’m glad I did it. I’m glad I wrote all 10 of them. I started with pride and I’m ending the series with loyalty. Because whether I’ve been loyal to all of you from what I promised to deliver 4 and ½ years ago on here to the loyalty you’ve seen that I have to my friends, to my family and of course to my city of Boston, I guess you all know by now that I’m a very loyal person.

I’m a lifer. Once you have me in your life, you got me forever. From birth to the dirt. From the womb to the tomb. Blood in and blood out. All those life & loyalty clichés, they’re all me. I mean this T-pisode is going up on Marathon Monday. Patriots Day. April 21, 2014. This day encompasses loyalty. For 18 years I’ve been loyal to this Boston only holiday. To my city. To the same faces that I see every year on this day. To the same routine of drinks, the Sox game then bar crawling all over the city with my trademark Boston Red Sox hat on my head. Even more so this year. One year after the Marathon tragedies. That’s loyalty. That’s who I am. That’s who I’ll always be. Rich. Poor. A kid from Eastie. An Oscar-winning screenwriter. Published author. Husband. Dad. All the things I was and all the things I will become, I’ll always be loyal to everyone and everything that got me here. To everything that is going to get me there. And I’ll always be loyal to myself, never letting myself forget where I come from, where I am and where I’m going. Every single word I defined in the last 10 T-pisodes has shown that. Hell, I’m even willing to say almost all 228 of them have shown that. I have my name tatted on my arm. I wear my city on my sleeve. I’ve given my arm to my family. Shakespeare’s words are forever inked on me. The lion. The Leo. The sun over my tracheotomy scar. I’m committed and faithful to everything I am. To everything I love. And to everything I am determined to become. I put the “T” in loyalty. Pun intended.

Loyalty encompasses faith, determination and commitment. I know a lot of loyal people. Boston and my family are full of them. Some are loyal to the wrong beliefs & practices but they are loyal nonetheless. But at the end of the day I WILL always respect a loyal person. I will end up marrying a loyal person. Because I am a loyal person. It’s what I know. It’s all I know. If you’re loyal to me then there isn’t anything I won’t do for you. Anything. And with that, I’m bringing this word series to an end. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you learned a bit more about me and maybe even something about yourself. Next week I get back to business. But with a few changes that have happened in my life recently. If you’ve followed along on social media you should already know. Stay tuned people. It’s only going to get better!

 

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife

Camilla Belle

Camilla Belle

post

#wouldwife

Elizabeth Olsen

Elizabeth Olsen

post

#wouldwife

Phoebe Tonkin

Phoebe Tonkin

post

T-pisode 227: Independent

There is such a thing as being too independent. Trust me on this one.

There is such a thing as being too independent. Trust me on this one.

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

Being an independent person can be both a great quality to have and a lonely feeling to feel at times. When you have to rely on yourself for almost everything at an early age in life it sets a wave in motion that can’t be stopped. Everything you do from that point on is on you and only you. It’s great to trust and believe in yourself but it’s not good to not trust others or only trust a select few. There is a fine line when it comes to being an independent person that you will constantly cross between the worlds of knowing self-worth and knowing solitude. While I am still a very independent person, I am no longer the type of independent person I once was.

I think that what life put on my shoulders and what I placed there on my own has been both a gift and a curse for me. I’ve always considered myself an extroverted person but when I wanted to be left alone you probably couldn’t find a more introverted person than me. A big part of my life for the last 10 years has been writing, and writing is one of the most solitary processes imaginable. But I never had a problem with doing things on my own or relying on myself until I started to realize I was actually TOO independent. I adapted a “You don’t know what you’re talking about” mentality and didn’t want to hear what others had to say. I felt I didn’t need their advice or opinions because I’ve always known what was best for me. My mother never told me what to do. Never put a curfew on me. And never punished me. How could she? I had perfect attendance at school, got straight A’s and had a job since I was 13 years-old so I could help out at home. I relied on myself because others relied on me. Of course I always heard “I got this” in my head. Who else was going to “get this” if I didn’t do it? That’s the way an independent person thinks. The most driven people are usually very independent. They get themselves going in the morning and they keep themselves going until all goals are accomplished. It’s great to have people on your team as a support system but at the end of the day only you will get yourself across the finish line. That’s the independent mentality I have developed within me as an adult and I think it’s what I need to succeed in life.

The problem with being too independent for too long keeps people at a distance. Sometimes some good people. Don’t let being independent turn you into a weird ass hermit or a selfish prick. Use your independence to keep you going and hopefully inspire others. “Hey, he did it on his own because he had to. Maybe I can too.” My friends and family get that I can be a “lone wolf” at times. They’ve seen me at my best and at my worst and they’ve helped pick me back up and got me on track again when I just couldn’t do it on my own. Be independent and be proud of it, just make sure you’re not alone. There is a difference. I’ve been TOO independent for too long. Time to change.

 

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

I’ll let Pitbull and Nelly take this one today

“My Kinda Girl”

 

post

#wouldwife

Ashley Greene

Ashley Greene

post

T-pisode 226: Hate

I don't have any room for hate in my life anymore.

I don’t have any room for hate in my life anymore

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

I don’t like the fact that I spent a large part of my life being all too familiar with the word hate. I’m both embarrassed and ashamed of that as I look back and write this. But I’m at a point in my life now where I can recognize that and turn it into something positive so someone out there can hopefully learn from it. Hate without a doubt is a very powerful, passionate and evil word. And I firmly believe no one is born with hate inside of them. It is something that is taught, seen, felt and forced upon. And it will fester, grow and consume you once it finds its way inside of you. From your brain to your core to your heart to your very soul. Every fiber of your being gets overtaken by hate. It is a damn cancer.

I’ve always had a great sense of humor and deep down in my heart I always wanted to do good and be good even when I was being bad. I got that small good part placed inside my heart by my mother. Without that good in me and without her raising me the way she did, I would’ve went down another path in life. That I am most certain of. Because unfortunately, I am also my father’s son. The bad seeds were planted in me and he found many ways to make them grow. Now I can’t sit here and write this today and put all of it on him because I’m my own man and I take responsibility for some of this. But let me tell you this, if you are a parent and you do hateful things in front of your kids and say hateful things to your kids it WILL make the kid hateful. Without a shadow of a doubt. If you tell your 10 year-old son that he will never be anything in life or that he never should have been born or that the doctors shouldn’t have saved him when he was sick as a baby or if another relative dies and you tell him it should have been him instead, that kid will know nothing but hate. Because he doesn’t know any better. But you should as a parent. My father split my head open with a radio plug once. I would take getting my head split open over what I felt every time he said something hateful and vicious to me. I would’ve taken a physical beating over every single messed up thing I saw him do to my mother. All the good in one kid, all the funny jokes that kid can come up with, all the money given to help his parents out with the bills, all the straight A’s that kid brought home from school could never make a hateful person change. Believe me, I tried. So what happens after that? The hate goes in. Self-hatred. And that is the worst kind of hate. That’s when you change and become a hateful person yourself. But thankfully I changed that awful trait inside of me later in life because of that small good I always had in me. That’s what I decided to grow within myself instead of the hate when I started to mature and become my own man. I focused on the good. The positive. The happy. I even learned to let even more good inside of me and then I started to give it back out. That killed the hate inside of me. I was lucky because I was loved by some amazing people who wanted the best for me. But some people never get rid of their own hate. And that is sad.

Some people hate someone they don’t even know because of the color of their skin. Because of their religion. Because of their sexual orientation. They don’t even have a valid reason to hate. But you know what the real reason is? The real reason someone is hateful is because they hate themselves. Let them deny it all they want. I know some rich, successful, good-looking people who have everything in the world but they are just so damn hateful. Because that’s all they know. That’s all they ever knew. Hate is powerful. Hate is consuming. Hate is ugly. I do my best not to hate anyone or anything now because I just don’t have it in me anymore. It’s exhausting. If you’re a good person then it should take so much in you to hate someone you just can’t do it. Because you know it’s wrong. Because you don’t have hate in you. Because you are not a hateful person. Like I said, I know way more about hate than I want to. But I also know that I am not a hateful person today. Don’t be hateful.

 

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

I’ll let the Geto Boys take this one tonight

Life is great right now. In every way possible.

“Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta”

 

post

T-pisode 225: Love

Even though this is the first time I'm dedicating an entire T-pisode to love, something tells me this won't be the last.

Even though this is the first time I’m dedicating an entire T-pisode to love, something tells me this won’t be the last.

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

Oh boy. This is the big one. 225 T-pisodes in and I’m finally going to take a crack at defining love? Growing up the way I did, I never really said the word. Nor did I really hear it. That didn’t mean that I didn’t know how to love or that I wasn’t loved. WE (my family, friends, people from East Boston in general) just didn’t say it. As a grown man now I still don’t know why we were all like that. I can’t explain it. It’s just one of those things that you have to use the classic “it is what it is” or “it was what it was” and move on. We did show love by busting each other’s balls however. How much you purposely annoyed someone, teased them or joked with them were the ways I was shown and taught how to love. The more you made someone laugh, the more you loved them. The more they laughed at you, the more they loved you. That’s the love I knew growing up.

But this is now and I’m all grown up. And now while I still love to bust the balls of the people I love, I now say it. Sometimes. I also try to show it more and in different ways. Being as busy as I am is both a gift and a curse. I don’t have a lot of time for anything outside of my daily routine but there is no way I will not make the time for the people I love. It’s actually been the love that I have for the people I care about that made me realize it was time to move on from certain people and to focus and make the time for the people I really love. So now I say it, I still bust balls, I make them laugh and I make time for them. Not because they tell me to but because I want to. Love isn’t just a word or a feeling. It’s how you show it not just how you say it. I can take my mother to Italy, play a game of UNO with my nieces & nephew, reminisce with my buddy on a ride down to a Patriots game, sit on the couch and tell my nieces how their daddy was growing up, get crazy loud at the dinner table during Christmas Eve when I tell a story and seeing the smiles on the faces of my family…all very different ways of how I show love. Or I can even get a beautiful woman her favorite flowers, send her a sweet funny text, show her that I remember little details about her that I never remembered with any woman before her…all ways of how I show love. I can be romantic. I can be sweet. I’ve been called a charmer. I’ve been known to be a ladies man from time to time. But a woman will know I love her. Believe me. My friends know I love them. Trust me. And my family knows I love them. If I ever made you smile for whatever the reason or showed you I remembered something about you that you didn’t think I did or if I always pull you in for a big hug when I see you, know that I love you. If that’s not enough, I promise to do my best to even say it to you a lot more.

And on the other side of that coin I like to be loved the same way. Look, I can’t go 18 hours a day living my life without feeling or seeing the love from the people I care about. The texts & phone calls I get keep me going every single day. Even more so when I get to spend time with those people. It makes me feel like everything I do every day is for a reason. For something. I’m this way and work as hard as I do for the people I love just as much as I do it all for myself. You have to remember and think about the people you love all the time. I think we all forget to do that sometimes or don’t do it enough. All the money, accomplishments and cool shit in the world don’t mean a damn thing if you can’t share them with the people you love. Love is the reason the world goes round. Don’t ever forget that or try to convince yourself otherwise. So say it. Show it. Give it. Get it. And feel it.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife

Alexandra Daddario

Alexandra Daddario

post

T-pisode 224: Ambition

"He gonnna make a Benz out of that Datsun. He got that ambition baby, look in his eyes. This week he mopping floors next week it's the fries. So, stick by his side..." -Mr. West

“He gonnna make a Benz out of that Datsun.
He got that ambition baby, look in his eyes.
This week he mopping floors next week it’s the fries.
So, stick by his side…” -Mr. West

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

You have to have goals. You really do. A person without goals is someone who has no plan in life. You have to have them. Fitness goals; financial goals; family goals; career goals; materialistic goals; life goals. And you can have all the intelligence, talent and the most phenomenal work ethic in the world but you’ll never reach your goals without ambition. Sure you’ll probably do the little day-to-day stuff. Finish a project. Drop a few pounds. Save up a few bucks to buy that TV. Use a small tax return to rent that summer cottage for the long holiday weekend. But the big life goals that define you, that change you, that make you who you want to be, do not have a chance in hell if you don’t have any ambition. Trust T on this one.

Ambitious people are my favorite people by far. You can see their need to succeed in their eyes. In the way they talk. In their body language. They jump up out of bed every day without having that normal person pause or that reaction to hit the snooze button. Seize the day was written by an ambitious person. When you have ambition you want to be better. Not better than the guy next to you. Not better than the guy with the newer car. Not better than the guy with the bigger back yard. Not better than the guy with the nicer office. NO. Ambitious people don’t care about who has what or why they’re doing it. That is that person’s goal. Not mine. Ambitious people want to be better versions of themselves. They don’t look at life as a race or a competition. Life is one long amazing adventure full of roads that no one else will take. That is the way of the ambitious person. “How can I be better today?” “What am I going to do today that will make me a better man than I was yesterday?” “Am I one step closer to achieving my goal and if I’m not, why?” And there is no one more ambitious than the person who started life with nothing. Started from the bottom and now you’re here? You have no idea Drake. The person at the bottom of the mountain starts his climb and NEVER looks back. This is the guy who was dealt the worst hand possible at the poker table and won the big pot at the end of the night. Why? Because he has more ambition than the most ambitious. When you’re humbled at a young age that sets you apart from the others. That ambition is a different ambition. That ambition is the ambition I have.

Turn nothing into something. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as my heart’s in it. That’s the motto. The world has tried to put a cap on my ambition plenty of times but I wouldn’t let it happen. My want to work hard and my need to succeed has made me proud of my unmatched ambition. It took a lifetime to get where I am today and I’m still not done. I don’t have “normal” goals and I love it! I LOVE it. It takes a lot of ambition to pull off most of the shit I pulled off in life and it’s going to take even more to pull off the rest of the shit I have planned. But I’ll be ok. Because I got it. I have ambition. Do you?

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife

Ginger Gonzaga

Ginger Gonzaga

post

#wouldwife

Kelly Karloff

Kelly Karloff

post

#wouldwife

Michelle Avila

Michelle Avila

post

#wouldwife

Carla Harvey

Carla Harvey

post

T-pisode 223: Respect

Don't ever think you should automatically be respected

Don’t ever think you should automatically be respected

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

Respect. You’re supposed to respect someone because you admire them for who they are, what they accomplished and where they’re going. And they’re supposed to respect you back for the same right? That’s how it is supposed to be. Well that’s all fine and dandy but that doesn’t cut it for me if you’re not worthy of my respect. One thing about me, you can like me, love me, fear me or hate me, but you damn well will respect me. I can say with total conviction that I am a man who commands respect. Pound for pound; story for story; accomplishment for accomplishment; fight for fight…they don’t come anymore respected than T. That’s for damn sure. But I don’t give my respect out freely. Oh hell no. If you did nothing, if you are nothing and you’re going to continue to be nothing? Then you WILL NOT get one ounce of respect from me. Period.

My father used to do some messed up shit and then he would yell at me “You have to respect me because I’m your father.” Really? Respect you? After what you just said and did? Any man can father a child but that doesn’t make him a dad. Same goes for the men who refuse to work to support their family. Same goes for the douchebags I see out and about treating their girlfriends and wives like shit. I don’t respect losers. I don’t respect douchebags. I don’t respect clowns. You know who I respect? Men. Grown ass men who command and deserve respect like me. You treat a woman like shit? You have no respect for her then I give no respect to you. You don’t take care of your kids? No respect for family then no respect for you. You want to get drunk and act like a tough guy and start a fight? No respect for yourself then no respect for you and I’ll throw you a beating just for the hell of it. Come on. Respect isn’t given, it’s earned. One of the oldest yet most truest statements in the book. Be a man who has done something and can carry his head high, chest out and shoulders strong first. Be able to wake up every day and look yourself in the eye in the mirror when you raise your head out of the sink in the morning dripping wet. Have respect for yourself first. Don’t assume that just because you have a pair of balls that you are a real man and should get respect from everyone that crosses your path. No. That’s not how it works. Learn about respect first then maybe you’ll figure out whether you are the type of man who deserves it or not.

Don’t confuse respect with attention. Don’t think that your ego can’t be exposed and shattered right in front of you by a better man. Because it will. Once you’ve been broken as a man then maybe you’ll start rebuilding yourself to become a better man. And for all you guys who get up every single day and make the most of their lives, you deserve your respect. The love and respect you give your wives, kids, friends, coworkers is the reason they respect you back. A real man commands respect and gives it back when he recognizes another real man. Respect is the code among men, not the ego stroke that lesser men think they deserve. Now you know. Respect.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

T-pisode 222: Failure

Try to turn every failure into success. No matter what it takes. Thank me later.

Try to turn every failure into success. No matter what it takes. Thank me later.

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

I wrote about success so it was only a matter of time before I wrote about failure. I’ve seen failure far too many times in my life. Whether it was watching someone very close give up on himself, his family, his future, his freedom and his life because he accepted being a failure even though he would never admit it or even experiencing failure firsthand for myself. The major driving force in my life has always been that I could never allow myself to be like my father. Not as a man. Not as a husband. Not as a dad. That was the greatest fear of failing for me. It wasn’t failing school because that fear made me get all the A’s. It wasn’t failing my driver’s test because I got that in one try because I needed a car to get away. All that basic stuff that normal kids were afraid of failing at was never in the equation. My picture was bigger. I couldn’t fail at life.

I take my failures like I take my accomplishments. In different aspects of my life and it’s all a matter of perspective. I didn’t find “the one” and get married. Failure? No. It just wasn’t meant to happen for me back then. Hollywood has said no to every idea, script and treatment I have pitched so far. Failure? No. I didn’t show the right person the right idea yet. I haven’t made enough money yet to take care of my family. Failure? No. I’m chipping away, the money is coming in faster & larger and my family is happy. That’s perspective. But I did fail one time. Not too long ago I was doing contract work for a living. I was a hired gun. The money was great, I had fantastic flexibility and I was able to work on my writing. Then my contract ended and then the economy tanked. I had no job and no income. I went 16 months without work. I didn’t have anyone I could or would ask for help. I always gave my parents money so I couldn’t go to them. They didn’t have it. They never owned a house for me to move back into. I didn’t have grandparents to borrow money from. I didn’t have a Plan B. I couldn’t believe that all the stuff I went through in life, all the good grades, all the college education I received, the degree itself all led to this…I failed. I fell on my ass and I had nothing. It was the worst feeling in the world. I was in a deep hole and I couldn’t climb out. But like a phoenix I finally rose from the ashes. MY way. I went to Hollywood and killed it but they all said no again. But this time I left with career advice and a strong network. I created a social media company and it failed but I got to create and keep T-blawg, my growing baby. I gave up the heavy weights at the gym and learned dirty boxing and meditation. I changed my body and mind. I read countless books. I wrote countless pages. I honed my craft. Then I applied for a two month contracting gig and later turned it into the highest paying and most successful full-time job of my entire career. I rebuilt myself in every way, shape and form. That was the last time I would ever allow myself to fail. That’s the promise I made myself and never looked back after I turned it all into a success.

I can’t start this paragraph by saying “No one likes to fail.” Because that’s a lie. I know far too many people who like to fail. They embrace failure. They are content with it. It’s their way of life. Not me though. Failing is the darkest place I could ever go. It’s Hell to me. But as much as I don’t want to and as hard as I work I know that I will fail again. I’m human. I make mistakes and I can’t control everything. I just know that the failure I have seen and experienced has made me ready for almost anything and if the next failure I face is something I have never seen before? Then I’ll do what I always do. Find a way to turn that failure into a success. Because like I said earlier, I can’t fail at life. It’s just not in me.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife

Britt Linn

Britt Linn

post

T-pisode 221: Family

Remember, you're nothing without family

It’s not always blood that makes you family

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

I’m Italian, so obviously I have a large family. My cousins have cousins who have cousins. That’s just the way it is. My immediate family by blood? That’s me, my mother, my father and my sister. My father doesn’t have any brothers or sisters. My mother has a brother and one sister who passed away. Both my aunt and uncle had 3 girls each. Those 6 girls are my only first cousins and each of them had kids who now have kids who are having kids. Like I said, tons of cousins. As a kid I used to see all my family members a lot. Especially during holidays, birthdays, weddings, summers in East Boston and of course on Sundays. Sunday is the day invented for Italian families. We won Sunday. Over the years however, older family members passed away and a lot of us grew and moved apart. That’s life. Our only link now is funerals and mostly being Facebook friends. That’s right. Blood relatives, who I grew up with, ate with, played with, fought with, laughed with and cried with are now just Facebook friends. Take away the blood relation and the fact that you never see each other does that still make you family? Today I’m redefining the word family.

If you’re my friend then you’re my family. I’m not married and I don’t have kids yet but if you are a part of my everyday world then I consider you family. There isn’t anything I won’t do for you. I’ll have your back. I’ll make you laugh. I’ll let my guard down and let you know every side of me. And you’re definitely doing the same because we’re family. I was in your wedding. I hug & kiss your kids. We toast champagne at your birthday. We watch the game at your house. We cook out in your yard. We argue like family. We love like family. My family knows everything about me and they put up with me whether I’m being awesome or a pain in the ass regardless of our last name, skin color, heritage or bloodline. They don’t judge me. I don’t judge them. They know and support my goals and I do the same for them. Of course I lean on my cousin, his wife, my sister, my bro-in-law and my oldest Eastie buddy the most when I need a support system. Then I spoil the hell out of all 6 of my nieces & nephews when I need to be Uncle. I’ll even hop on a plane to California to spend time with friends who I call my “West Coast Fam” when I need a break from Boston. They’re all my family. The same people I text crazy jokes and offensive internet memes to about a dozen times a day just to see their “lols” and “You’re crazy” are friends who I consider family too. I can go weeks, months without seeing them but those texts let them know that I love them and think about them all the time. You see YOUR family. You talk to YOUR family. You show YOUR family you’re there thinking about them even when they can’t see you. Family isn’t a Facebook comment. Family isn’t when you invite your relatives out and they don’t show. Because they don’t care. They may have forgotten what family means or they have a different definition of it. I may try to remind you once or twice that we’re family or used to be family but my REAL family needs me and my time is precious. Those people know who they are and I know what I mean to them. Remember, it’s not always blood that makes you related. Sometimes it’s who you love that makes you related.

If friends are family then everyone else I know are just acquaintances. Blood relative or not. Someone I knew in grade school. Someone I worked with in the past. That girl I took one class with in college. People I have done business with. Hollywood movie execs who read my material. Boston networking, superstar wannabes that I see out and about all the time working the scene. The dude I dirty box with at the gym. My dry cleaner. I know everyone. I have respect for a lot of people on the outer circle of my life. My network is large and I’m willing to help anyone out. But let’s be clear, they are not my friends. Maybe some will be one day but not today. Even some people who are related to me and friends I once considered family are no longer my family. Over the years people change. That’s a given. Some change for the better and some change for the worse. Some don’t even change at all so you have to move on. At the end of the day just know who your family is and let them know it too. Because we all need our family and we’re nothing without them.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife….I’m retiring Mila Kunis

Due to her recent engagement to the biggest douchebag next to Dane Cook, Ashton Kutcher, I have painfully decided to retire my #1 #wouldwife of all time. This is the end of Mila Kunis on T-blawg. She is the first to be retired and will one day enter the #wouldwife Hall of Fame. You had one hell of a #wouldwife career Mila. Sorry it had to end this way. This is your choice, not mine.

Mila...RETIRED

Mila…RETIRED

post

#wouldwife

Minka Kelly

Minka Kelly

post

#wouldwife

Sarah Shahi

Sarah Shahi

post

T-pisode 220: Hustle

Hustle don't sleep and neither do I.

Hustle don’t sleep and neither do I.

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

Hustle is a word that I’ve always had fun with. I think a lot of it has to do with my love of hip hop. Rap artists tend to throw the word around in almost every song. It usually relates to most of them coming up in the streets and dealing drugs. With no bigger rapper than Jay-Z using the word as his style. His brand. A drug dealer gone good? From rags to riches? He hustled his way to the top. Me? I grew up around a lot of drug dealers but I never considered them hustlers. I considered them either degenerates or just guys who didn’t want to get a job and chased that easy money. But would never call them hustlers. I was never a drug dealer but if you ask anyone who knows me I think the words out of most of their mouths would be “Yeah T…that kid is a hustler.” Why? Because I am.

There are like-minded people, like willed people, like hearted people like myself who would argue to our graves that we changed the definition of hustle. Hustle isn’t a con. Not like the movie “American Hustle.” It’s not the word depicted in rap songs. It’s not a way to avoid working hard on the path to easy money. No. Hustle is the exact opposite of all that. Hustle is getting up everyday and putting the time in at the gym to get your body fit and ready for the toll life takes on it physically. Then getting yourself to your “day job” and making sure you do the best you can for the next 8-10 hours insuring your present and future income. Whether it’s just a job or a career, you bring your best every damn day. You do your job. You do it well. Once you leave the office you spend the next 6-7 hours bringing your passion to life. It doesn’t pay the bills…yet. Some people don’t know why you do it but you know why. You keep it at. Every…single…day. And twice on the weekend. Then maybe you allow yourself 4-6 hours of sleep as a reward for a day of 18 hours of hustling. Even then if you’re a true hustler your brain doesn’t turn off because it wants you to keep going. Your brain, like your body and your soul knows how to hustle. I often write “Respect the hustle” at the end of my social media posts. Sometimes at the end of emails. Your hustle? A good hustle? An honest hustle? Should be respected. Others will admire that. Some will be envious of it. And a lot will be jealous of it. Good. If that wasn’t happening then you don’t have a hustle. You’re not hustling.

If you hustle then you are never content. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy and love everything you have it just means you want more for yourself and the people you love. Your hustle reaches outside of your world and into the world of others around you. They see what you’re doing and know that they’re seeing something special. Those are the people you should keep in your life. They’ll motivate you and you’ll motivate them to find their own hustle. Have the passion. Have the fire. Keep your body on point. Cleanse your soul. Feed your brain. Have some fun. Work hard. Then the hustle will do the rest. Want more for yourself and always hustle. “I’m a hustler baby, ask about me.”

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife

Arianny Celeste

Arianny Celeste

post

T-pisode 219: Pride

Pride means something different for everyone.

Pride means something different for everyone.

*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.

 

Pride is a word that gets thrown around a lot in a man’s life. Especially if you’re born an Italian man from an original, tough Boston neighborhood. Even more so if you just happen to be born a Leo, a lion. But that develops over time in life in my opinion. I never quite understood the young boys and adult men in my life when I was a child that considered themselves prideful men. Like they were special. That didn’t make much sense to me because I didn’t think you could just be born with pride. You had to have done something, achieved something to feel a sense of pride right? You don’t just get to feel pride. Prideful. That’s entitlement. And a false sense of entitlement at that. I never had respect for guys like that. But respect shall be written about on another day. Let me tell you about pride first.

Pride is when you watch your mother battle all types of health issues while she held down three jobs raising her kids while her husband was in prison. While all of this is going on she watched the world take the lives of her brother-in-law, her sister, both her parents and her husband’s parents. Never once asking for a damn thing. Never once complaining. She was too proud to complain and had too much pride to expect or ask for help. When you see that as a little boy it does something to you. At a young age you “swallow your pride” and step up. You become the man of the house and become too prideful to ever ask anyone for help yourself. “I’ll show you pride.” I’ll go to school every day. Get straight A’s. Hold down multiple jobs at the same time. Put myself through college. And pay bills and give my parents money to survive all on my own. Without asking for help. I’ll accomplish and be proud of everything I say and do without any expectations from anyone but myself. That’s the pride I had at a young age. That’s the pride I knew. That’s really not a good pride. That’s a spiteful pride. But it was the foundation for my prideful traits and characteristics that have grown within me over the years. Since then I’ve been knocked down plenty of times and was too proud to ask for help. I wasn’t swallowing my pride as a grown man. My pride made me fight. Get into fights. Walk away from fights and still be man enough to know that the world still doesn’t owe me a single thing but I will fight for it. I will fight for it all. Pride is something that every man needs to understand and understand that it means something different for every man. What’s your pride? I know mine.

I’m a prideful man now because I earned it. I can look back on my life and all that I have achieved and hear my pride telling me that I’m just getting warmed up. MY pride let me know that I was never like the other kids or grown men that I grew up around. Many of them didn’t accomplish anything in life but yet they confused pride with self-entitlement. A disgusting trait. Please don’t ever confuse pride with entitlement. Don’t ever let your ego trick you into thinking that it’s really your pride. It most certainly is not. I don’t know your story or if you understand what pride really is. But I understand what pride is and I hope my story/stories can help you understand it better as well.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

I’ll let old school Ja Rule & Ashanti take this one tonight

“Always On Time”

 

post

#wouldwife

Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m busy tomorrow night so…

Brooklyn Decker

Brooklyn Decker

post

T-pisode 218: Valentine’s Day Sucks 5…It No Longer Sucks!!!

This is the last time I EVER write about Valentine's Day. Enjoy people. It's been one hell of a ride.

This is the last time I EVER write about Valentine’s Day. Enjoy people. It’s been one hell of a ride.

So this is it people. This is the end. For 5 years I’ve written everything I possibly could about how and why Valentine’s Day sucks. VDS1…I broke down the cheesy stereotypes of it all. VDS2…An angry T went on a tirade against love and all the happy couples. VDS3…I left Boston altogether and went to Cali. VDS4…I was single, I was growing up and I was changing. But that’s it. It’s all in the past. And now it’s over for me. Because Valentine’s Day no longer sucks. That’s right. I said it. I’m writing this from the point of view of a different T and not the same T who started this site over 4 years ago and wrote his first Valentine’s Day Sucks T-pisode just 9 Mondays in. A man can change. A man can reflect on his life and share his stories and opinions for the entire world to either enjoy or judge. Just like I have done with Valentine’s Day my entire life.

I’m no longer passing judgment on the holiday. I fully support the happy couples and their cheesy dinners, cards, flowers and candies. I am not running away to another city, state or into the arms of a former fling or to a T-blawg groupie or a late night booty call. And I am not single and reflecting on life or love alone this year. No. Come this Friday night, come this Valentine’s Day February 14th, 2014 I will be out and about partaking in Valentine’s Day and all its glory with one hell of a woman. I threw my hat into Cupid’s ring and the little shit beat me. After the match, I went up and down the greeting card aisle of every fucking CVS in a 10 block radius and basked in the cheesy writings of all things Hallmark. I went on a mission to secure a dinner reservation that cries “Look at me! I am so damn romantic!!!” I smiled as I smelled every rose I passed on the streets of Boston held out by street vendors and homeless people. Possibly hipsters. Or both. Goddamn hipsters are everywhere. I went back through all my iTunes songs and convinced myself that there is still the ability for this grown ass man to make one hell of a romantic mixtape. Blast the Jodeci! Where’s my New Edition greatest hits??? R. Kelly has a new album out? WHAT?! It’s now all red & pink errythang. Poems & sonnets for the proverbial win. Champagne & chocolates for days son. For days I tell you!!! All that stuff, embraced. Ahhh…Valentine’s Day. It no longer sucks. And I’m cool with it.

Why? I think it’s because I never really had a good reason to be cool with it. The kid I was, the teenager I turned into, the man in his 20s didn’t want to get it. In some ways he didn’t think he deserved to be happy. But I do now. I’m happy and I deserve it. Not just because of where I am in life. Not just because of the amazing girl. Not because of some silly holiday. But because I get it now. I get it all. Life is meant to be enjoyed. You’re supposed to be happy. And Valentine’s Day is just another day to be happy. Just like the other 364 days a year. So bring it on. Bring it on every day and every year I say. I can’t wait for Friday night. Because it’s no longer Valentine’s Day that doesn’t suck. Nothing really sucks for me anymore. Life doesn’t suck. Life is great. It has been for a while. And it sure doesn’t suck being T these days. Valentine’s Day sucks no longer….The End.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife

Olivia Wilde

Olivia Wilde

post

#wouldwife

Kate Upton

Kate Upton

post

#wouldwife

Nicole Scherzinger

Nicole Scherzinger

post

#wouldwife

Amber Heard

Amber Heard

post

#wouldwife

Adriana Lima

Adriana Lima

post

#wouldwife

Mila

Mila

post

T-pisode 217: Boys To Gentlemen

Real men drink shots of sambuca and toast to everything

Real men drink shots of sambuca and toast to everything

It’s not often that I get the chance to have a night out with my cousins like I used to. Life has changed who we are and has placed each of us in different places. Not in different physical places. Just in different places in our lives. Trying to get a single man in his 30s living in the city; a single man in his 20s living with his parents; a married man and a father of three living in the suburbs and coming up on 10 years married; a soon to be married man and a father of one from the suburbs; and a man in a long-term serious relationship together is almost impossible. Five guys who were once boys and have now become grown men. Friends. Cousins. Brothers.  A night out used to be debauchery. Chaos. Trouble. Mayhem. That was when we were little boys. This time around we were going out as gentlemen.

The five of us gathered at a new bar in my Fenway neighborhood. There was no itinerary for the night. The only prerequisite? To come out and enjoy the night as five men. No outsiders. No women. No club. No loud music. No grungy bar. No games on the TV. We got a table. We always get tables. We sat. We ordered the first round. And that’s when it started. The wait staff immediately knew that this was no normal gathering among a group of guys. We weren’t rookies looking to get laid. To get hammered. To fight. To cause trouble. We were veterans. We had the scars, the experience and loud war stories to prove it. Anyone near our table could hear the tales. Could hear the laughter. Could hear the respect and love we had for each other in the tones of our voices. We took over the place without trying. There was no food ordered that night. Just the liquid of the gods. Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. That night each of us indulged in my Signature Drink. To the point where we stopped calling them Jack & Gingers and just ordered T-blawgs. Then the ordering stopped and the waitress just knew to bring them over when one of us started to see the bottom of the glass. We mixed up the T-blawgs with the occasional shot of ‘buca. That’s sambuca for all you non-Italians. Ok, it wasn’t the occasional shot. There were a lot of them. The younger gentlemen stopped with the shots after a few of them. They had their fill. My cousin…my best friend…my brother and I did what the two of us do best. We took it there. We kept going. We all got drunk. Not from the alcohol per say but from the night. Drunk off life. From the vibe. From how we feed off each other once we get into our zone. We told about a thousand tales. About growing up. What we did. Where we came from. Where each of us is going. We shared advice with each other from each of our very passionate perspectives. Even if it wasn’t wanted at times but was definitely appreciated and occasionally very needed. About life. About family. About women. About love. About failure. About success. If the five of us were vikings after a long hard fought battle, this is what the celebration would be like. If we were King Arthur and his knights seated at his round table, this is how the accumulation of many victorious battles would be celebrated. This was a night that was necessary.

After hours and hours of doing what we do better than most, the night came to an end. Or so we thought. One of us suggested some late night nourishment at an old Boston stomping ground that served food into the wee hours. At this point we were done however. Mentally. Physically. We just wanted to eat so we ate. However, this is where the young Eastie & Revere cousins still deep down inside each of us wanted to come out. To play. To leave our mark. To show the young squires & stable boys that they could never wear our armor. But to our surprise, we stayed as the gentlemen who started that night. It was time to go home. The hugs went around and the knights told each other “It was an honor serving with you good sir.” The night had ended and we vowed to do this again. A knight always keeps his vow. A gentleman always keeps his promise. Family always makes good on it’s word. So until that next gathering I say, the honor was all mine gentlemen.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

T-pisode 216: An Ideal Person

The LifeTime channel and Oprah Winfrey co-wrote this T-pisode not me. You have a problem? Take it up with them.

The LifeTime channel and Oprah Winfrey co-wrote this T-pisode not me. You have a problem? Take it up with them.

You can have the perfect picture in your head of what the person you want should look like. Your ideal match. Your soul mate. The eyes. The smile. The hair. The height. The face. You can hear their voice in your head that you’ve never heard before. Because it doesn’t exist yet. You can even hear the way they laugh. That person is accompanied by a “must have” and a “must not have” list. Has to be a certain age. Must like movies. Can’t have kids. Must like to travel. Doesn’t smoke. You take all that and now you compare it to the people in your life. The ones you’re dating. The ones you’ve dated. The ones you want to date. You do this checklist in your head when you see them or think about them. Trying to sell yourself. Check. Check. Check. Yes. No. Maybe. Yes. Yes. No. No. No. Then you get……feelings. And all that gets thrown out the window.

“The heart wants what the heart wants.” How many times have we all heard that? I’ve heard it more times than I can remember. I’ve even said it to myself a few times. More than a few times actually. I no longer count the dates I’ve been on. How many women I’ve dated. How long or how short the relationships were. I’m getting older. Keeping track of numbers is a young man’s game. Bragging about stats with your boys stops in your early 30s because the rest of them are now married with kids. Some are even on their second marriage. The numbers, the stats, the sex, the dates, the relationships…I stopped counting. The ideal picture of her is still in my head. The checklist still automatically pops up. I can be sitting across from her talking over sushi and hear my voice “She has it all. She has what I want.” Then she does something that isn’t on my checklist and I find her even more attractive. How? Why? Feelings. Feelings supersede the logic, the list, the ideal picture. They come at you like a speeding train. Like an anvil being dropped on you in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon. Unexpected. Unwanted. Unappreciated. Why can’t I just stick to the list? Why can’t I just keep picturing that ideal woman in my head and keep on chasing after the unattainable? Because of feelings. I get them. You get them. And I’m thankful that I do get them now. Because feelings have become my moral compass. It’s no longer the logic. No longer my brain. No longer the numbers and past experiences that guide me. I have these feelings for a reason. You do too. They’re pointing north in an ocean that you’ve never sailed in before and somehow you have to get home.

Why am I writing about feelings? Because how much longer can I go in denial? Why block them out? If I’m going to get hurt then it might as well be for a reason. I’ll recover. I always do. I can just get a tattoo to cover up another scar right? I thought about lowering my walls. Instead I’m just going to blow them up. I don’t have the time or energy to keep those walls up anymore. Let the picture of her stay. Let the mental checklist stay. But if my moral compass tells me that this woman is giving me feelings, then I’m following it. Whether or not I get home or end up lost at sea forever has yet to be determined. I can admit as man secure in his spot in life that I get feelings and I don’t mind them. It’s good to feel something for someone when it’s unexpected. Feels even better when those feelings are reciprocated. I know this much now. It’s going to come down to this. Either two people lost at sea using their moral compasses are going to find each other or they’re just going to be two more ships passing in the night.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

I’ll let the greatest boy band of all time (and from Boston) take this one

“Cool It Now”- New Edition

 

post

#wouldwife

Nicole Scherzinger

Nicole Scherzinger

post

T-pisode 215: T Does Italy in 3 Paragraphs

Is this not why you are here??? To T-blawg Pose?! Wait, what? That's not what he says in Gladiator?

Is this not why you are here??? To T-blawg Pose?! Wait, what? That’s not what he says in Gladiator?

*I’ve decided to do a series of T-pisodes that capture my travels throughout my life. In 3 paragraphs. I’ll post them every once in a while. Some places I’ve been to a few times, others only once. And some I will probably never go back to because of what went down there.

 

This trip was supposed to happen a year ago. I was supposed to finally take my mother to Italy, the country of my family on both sides. But my mother’s health then kept her from traveling and I ended up going to Paris with a girl instead. This time it was finally going to happen though. This time my mother finally got her very first passport. I enrolled in a two month Italian language course to refresh my tongue on a language that had faded from my family since my grandparents passed away on both sides. This was “THE” European trip I had waited for and I was extremely excited. My mother was even more excited than me. So the planes, trains, boats, car services, hotels and tours were booked in Rome, Florence and Venice. It was time for T & his “Ma” to finally do Italy!

It had been a very long time since I spent an entire week with my mother. Mind you this is the woman who raised a fresh Eastie kid into the grown man I am today without killing me all those years ago. My mother is strong, crazy, funny and has the best sense of humor. So naturally, we both drive each other nuts because we’re a lot alike. Italy was no different. First up was Rome. We stayed in a hotel next to the Trevi Fountain. We heard the water run from that beautiful fountain all day and night. There was a tiny limoncello shop around the corner where I met one of the most beautiful Italian women ever created. Too bad I was thinking about some other girl back home. She could’ve been my Italian “Godfather Michael Corleone Other Woman” and my enemies would’ve blown her up to make me suffer for sure. My mother and I walked all over Rome. All over. I did a T-blawg Pose in front of the Coliseum. We went to the Vatican and I snuck some pics on my phone in the Sistine Chapel while my mother did a horrible job of looking out because we got busted and pissed off the old security guards there. We made Baby Jesus cry for sure. A few days later we hopped on a train to Florence. My favorite city in Italy. It’s beauty is up there with Paris. I can’t write the words to describe the Duomo. You just have to see it in person. After a few days of eating and shopping all over Florence we jumped on another train to Venice. Now don’t get me wrong, Venice is a beautiful city. The “streets made of water” is a lot to take in at first but then it’s like “Ok cool. The streets are made of water. Meh.” Then it rained. Then it smelled. So if there was a bad way to take in Venice then that’s what we got. But it was still Venice, it was still Italy so you couldn’t have a bad time. It’s against Italian law. The food is unbelievable in Italy. From the Bellini to the wine to the primi to the secondi to the dessert to the limoncello all in one sitting! Then throw in a plethora of pizza, panini, cannoli and more gelati than one human should ever try to eat, you have yourself a vacation where you need to make sure you walk your American ass all over the country just to burn off all the damn calories. Surprisingly I actually lost weight out there so ha ha! And true to form, I had a few boss moments T “Euro” style of course. Including the VIP boat limo that took us to the airport from the hotel in Venice. That’s right…boat limo son. I also dropped made euros on Italian swag that I had to place in an Italian swag bag I bought out there just to smuggle all the contraband back into the States! And I got it all through customs hustler style. Still Eastie baby, what can I say?

But most importantly, my mother had the vacation of her life. She took so many pics with her five old school, Kodak Fun Saver disposable cameras. It was hilarious. I was happy I got to spend this time with my mother and that I got to do this for her. She made me do something else for her too while in Italy. I didn’t expect this. Especially after I drank an entire bottle of wine. But just like when I was 7 years old and my mother told me to be good so she wouldn’t have to worry about me while she had to work 3 jobs with my father in jail and I promised her I would go to school every day, she made me make one more promise. Instead of being in front of my elementary school in East Boston, this time we were eating an expensive dinner in front of the Pantheon in Rome. This time she told me to stop being an asshole and to get married before she got too old and eventually….. I stopped her. I didn’t want to talk about it or let her go on any further so I made my mother one more promise. This time I promised her I would stop fucking around and change my ways. I promised her I would get married. And me being me, I always keep my promises. So here we go. Next time I return to Italy I return with my wife. Now I have to. I loved Italy. But I love Boston the best.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

Forever Young…Jay-Z…Boston Garden

This was amazing. Got to see this in Fenway Park and now in the Boston Garden. Jay also gave tribute to the marathon victims during the song.

*Don’t mind the choppy video skills at the beginning. I’m a writer not a director.

post

#wouldwife

Olivia Munn

Olivia Munn

post

#wouldwife

Kate Upton

Kate Upton

post

T-pisode 214: Bro Code Chapter 15-Bro Dating Code

I can't say it enough...stay off of each other's social media as long as fucking possible.

I can’t say it enough…stay off of each other’s social media as long as possible.

I honestly don’t know how I went this long without writing this Bro Code chapter. I can sit here and write about dating for days. Well I guess I have already. For over 4 years actually. Um, go back and read. Or just scroll down a bit and type “Dating” in the search and watch what happens if you need more evidence. No way to deny it, I know dating. Whether I’m good at it or bad at it is a 50/50 split. Because I have dated a lot of amazing women but yet I’m still single. But this is the Bro Dating Code not the Bro Relationship Code or Bro Engagement Code or the Bro Marriage Code….you get the damn point. This is the Bro Dating Code! And one thing you need to know is that there are a lot of rules to dating bro. Here there are. Step by step.

 

Asking Her Out
So you’ve already met her and now you need to get her out bro. Call, don’t text. Be charming, be funny, be confident, be direct, be short. Save the good stuff for the actual date. Don’t reveal too much. Don’t ask too much. And don’t come on too strong bro. Neither of you has time for bullshit. You have one goal…GET HER OUT. That’s it son.

No social media part 1
Don’t send her a friend request on Facebook after you ask her out. Don’t follow her on Twitter. Don’t even look at her damn selfies on Instagram bro. All this will lead to is too many assumptions and false hope. If she sends you a request, don’t accept. Not yet. Give it a few dates. Trust T. Get to know the girl first not the girl she portrays herself to be online. Cool bro?

Bro Dress Code
First…read the Bro Dress Code chapter of course. Second, dress yo’ ass up. Doesn’t matter where you are going or what you are doing. If you can’t at least go with the “covers all date bases” bare minimum of a collared shirt, nice jeans and clean shoes then you should never be allowed to go on a date ever again bro.

The First Date
The first date should always be at a place you’ve been to before. Know the place. The menu. The staff. The specialty drinks. The closest parking lot. The best table. The drafty window. Everything. You are here to impress. Save the neutral spots and spontaneous adventure dates for when you know each other a little better. No skydiving on date one stupid ass.

Flirting
Seriously bro? Flirt. That’s a given. Make her smile but be genuine about how you do it. Make her laugh with you, at you and be sure you can laugh at yourself. Get dessert. Share it. Touch her. Compliment her. Smile. Don’t stop smiling. Unless you choke on spicy edamame. If you try to keep smiling during that then you will look like a psycho. And will probably choke to death.

Conversation
If you hear your voice more than hers then you’re done before you even got a chance. Shut up bro. Ask key questions then let her talk. Women love to talk. A lot! So listen and learn everything you can then be a man and use what she tells you to make jokey jokes and flirty flirts. Boom. You’re doing it Peter! You’re doing it!!! You are the Pan!

No phones!
DON’T EVER TAKE YOUR PHONE OUT ON THE FIRST DATE! You don’t need to text, talk or Facebook anyone for the next few hours. She is the only thing that matters right now. The date is the most important thing in your life at that moment bro. If she takes her phone out, kindly ask her to put it down because you want her attention. If she doesn’t and keeps texting her stupid BFF then cut the date short bro and end it right there with her. SHE IS NOT INTO YOU. She is only into herself. Buh-bye.

Body Language
Yours? Always point your body in her direction if you can. Hers? She’ll do the same. If she leans in to talk, you lean in. She pulls back, you pull back. Just like on a sales call bro, reflective body language. Keep eye contact. Look for casual touches on your arms and legs. She’ll touch her hair. She’ll laugh and touch her chest. There’s movement when two people are attracted to each other. There’s touching. That’s nature’s mating call bro. Keep howling.

The end to date one
If you went through all the above and you’re both smiling as you end the night then congrats bro, you just had a great date one. Now go home because….

No Sex!
That’s right! No sex. Because if you do bump uglies then you aren’t dating bro. You two are banging and it doesn’t matter how old you are, there is no dating if the banging comes first. Never. That rule has been around since the cavemen. No sex on date one. Sorry. A long hug and/or a soft kiss then go home.

No social media part 2
Again…STAY OFF OF EACH OTHER’S SOCIAL MEDIA!!! Get to know each other first. Talk about your friends before she sees them comment on your stuff. Tell her about your crazy family before she knows what they look like. Talk about that crazy trip to Vegas before she assumes you killed two hookers in the desert because of the super secret coded comment your buddy made on that one Vegas check-in from 2009. See what I’m saying bro?

Date Two
This is where you both step your game up and this is where both of your guards really start to come down. The introductions are done. This is where you find out how much chemistry you two crazy kids really have. Repeat steps from date one. Just more of it bro.

Date Three
Now you’re dating. Whether or not you’re dating other people bro is another story. But date three is when two people are dating. This is the big one. You know each other. You should want each other. And oh yeah…now it’s time for sex. If you’re not comfortable enough around each other at this point, if you aren’t dying to rip each other’s clothes off at this point, then it isn’t going anywhere. You just let it go this far hoping something would click. Stop it. Don’t go any further. If the magic is there bro, then welcome to the promise land!

And Beyond…
Not sure. Can someone write Bro Relationship Code??? Because I sure can’t. This is T-blawg, remember? LOLz.

 

Bro Dating Code? Yeah, I wrote that chapter with my eyes closed. You’re welcome. 15 chapters in the book. 15 ways of my life that every dude on this planet should learn, live and respect. But the bottom line is…like all of the Bro Code chapters is this…be a man, live your life and have a lot of fun bro. That’s the ultimate Bro Code rule. Trust T. Shit, always trust T.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife….Boston Goddess

Maria Menounos

Maria Menounos

post

#wouldwife

Adriana Lima

Adriana Lima

post

T-pisode 213: One And Done Dating

Two awesome people knock out each other's awesomeness and make for one normal couple. Studies show.

Two awesome people knock out each other’s awesomeness and make for one normal couple. Studies show.

When I decided to write this T-pisode I didn’t know if I should name it “One And Done Dating” or #wontwife. #wontwife would be the complete opposite of my trademark #wouldwife of course if I ever had to give it a hashtag. Defined as me knowing immediately that I would not wife a certain woman. That’s it. Simple. I thought that was a little harsh however and it needed more explaining. Even though it is no harsher than me being immediately deemed #wonthusband. Which has happened. I went with “One And Done Dating” because unlike my superficial #wouldwife posts about beautiful famous women, I need more than that. That’s where the dating comes in. I’ve become very selective about the dates I go on now. I don’t need to date all the time. I don’t want to date all the time. So naturally on dates now I hope to get enough out of the date to know whether I want to see a woman again and obviously whether she wants to see me again. If it isn’t there….that famous spark that is, if that dating spark that we all look for on the first date isn’t there then that’s it. One and done.

You build off the spark. You sit and you talk. You drink and you eat. You do something fun and you talk and you eat and you drink and you laugh and you listen and you learn and you want to want more of it. More of it all. That’s the spark. The spark is the want. Then comes more and more of each other, not getting enough of it, of each other…the spark, the want becomes the need. That’s where it goes once you start dating. It becomes the need. But you have to get through that first date. The spark lights the fire. It’s physics. It’s chemistry. It’s simple right? No. No it’s not. Dating when you don’t care about the want or the need is for younger people just casually dating. Casually hooking up. I’ve been there. That stops with age. That stops with a lot of dating over time. Believe me it stops. Then you start dating on a mission sometimes losing focus and forgetting that you’re just there to have fun and getting to know someone. Those dates never go well. You’ll never find a spark when you forget to have fun. You can’t start a fire throwing rocks at giant brick walls that you both have up. It’s impossible. You can’t find the spark when you’re both just there having too much fun either. That isn’t dating. That’s a one night stand and neither one of you wants to find a spark after a night of lighting one of your beds on fire. The fire was immediately extinguished. Too soon. So you go on dates now where you can sit across from that woman and regardless of how much you have in common, regardless of how beautiful she looks in that dress, regardless of how loud she laughs at your witty jokes and comments…if it isn’t there, if the spark doesn’t flicker, you’re done.

One and done dating has become my dating mantra. My time is taken. That is the life of most 30-somethings. Our time is valuable at this age. My time is mine and it is more valuable to me than money. I can make money. I already make money. But I can’t make time. And I refuse to make up for lost or wasted time. We both want to go on a date. We both want to enjoy each other. We both want to find the things in each other that we are looking for but mostly we want to find the things we had NO idea we were looking for. The spark will start the fire that lights up the way down that path. “I had no idea I was looking for this. That I wanted this. That I wanted you.” If that doesn’t happen then you let them know there is no point in seeing each other again. There will not be another date. You’re both adults. Don’t force it. The other person may see a spark that you’re never going to see. That happens as well sometimes. But remember, you both have to see it. You both have to want it. Then you both have to need it. If not, it’s one and done dating. Just…like…that. Oh if only dating were as simple as I write it sometimes.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife

Amber Heard

Amber Heard

post

T-pisode 212: Jerk VS Gentleman

Jerk or gentleman? I was one. Trying to be the other. Work in progress. Getting there.

Jerk or gentleman? I was one. Trying to be the other. Work in progress. Getting there.

Being a single man in your 30s makes a man evaluate his dating life constantly. The carefree wild ways of dating in your 20s are long gone and one has to wonder if still being single now is the collateral damage? Penance? Karma? I see a lot of so-called writers trying to explain the ways a man dates. They go on and on about how to meet a great woman but yet they’re still single. Some claim they are single by choice. Career comes first. Traveling the world. In and out of the friend zone on a constant loop. Just can’t meet the right woman while living in a busy major metropolitan city. Wait…that sounds a lot like me. Yep, that’s me as well to an extent. I’m a lot like that guy. But here to talk about another type of guy. The guy that both sexes can agree on, the guy that men think they are or claim to be, the guy all women want is what? The nice guy? No. He’s boring, lacks confidence, has no sense of humor and still finishes last. The bad boy? No. He’s too much to handle, fears commitment, doesn’t take anything seriously, is too cocky and eventually hurts the girl. So who is the guy everyone wants? That’s the bad boy with the good, caring heart. How does that guy come to exist? Well, he spends a big part of his life being a jerk. And through trial and error, he eventually grows up. Smartens up. And does his best to become a gentleman.

The mantra on this site for a very long time has been “from jerk to gentleman” for a reason. Regardless of all my crazy adventures it applies the most to dating. No amount of doors I have opened. Chairs pulled out. Roses sent. Smiles placed on beautiful faces have worked when I was a total and complete jerk. I didn’t get it then. A lot of guys just don’t get it. Even married men can be jerks but somehow have managed to get into a serious relationship followed by marriage. It doesn’t mean that they get it though. When you recognize that you were a jerk and only cared about yourself when it came to every woman you dated, that’s just the first step. The compliments you give. The attentive body language you place yourself in. The phone calls you make and texts you send. The conversations you have with a genuine smile that has no ulterior motive mean something else when you want to be a gentleman. Because now you care about her instead of just yourself. A jerk thinks about himself first. “What can I get out of this?” is the only thing on his mind. The me and only me mentality. A gentleman thinks “What do I bring into her life? What do I have to offer her?” as well. Once the thinking changes for a man, that’s when he can stop being a jerk and start being a gentleman. The way you think is the change. This change can’t be forced. It comes with time. It comes when you want to be the man that no longer has to think “Am I doing this right? Am I a good person?” The bad boy goes about his business without ever asking those questions. The nice guy lives his life ALWAYS asking himself those questions. And the man who was once a jerk and wants to be a gentleman takes the time to recognize this about himself then does whatever it takes to make changes. You can’t give that kind of advice. There are very few men who fall into that class of “jerk to gentleman.” The majority of men are either bad boys or nice guys. I refuse to listen to the nonsense that so called writers give out on their blogs, Facebooks, Twitters, books and websites because they think they can just tell any man how to become a gentleman just because they recognize what a jerk is. We all know what a jerk looks like. We all know what a gentleman is. But to be someone who has walked in both pairs of shoes? That is tough to find. Their story usually speaks for itself. The advice is given out through the stories they have shared with the world. They don’t claim to have the answers or the right formula. No. They acknowledge who they once were and how they’re trying to become better.

I can sit at a table at an expensive restaurant with a stunning woman and run through the dating process of typical questions, compliments, canned jokes, light bodily touches with amazing food and top shelf alcohol sprinkled in. I can look her in the eye and sell her on the life that she can have with me. Convince her that not only am I better than the last guy who did this with her but that I’m better than all the men before me. Is that the jerk in me or the gentleman? Can you tell the difference? You can’t. The only person that can is him. Me. I have to mean it because I am not just thinking about myself anymore. All of the years of being the jerk have made me want to sit across from her and mean it. Because now I’m thinking about her as well. That’s the gentleman in me. A gentleman thinks about the lady as well because now he means it. A gentleman who was once a jerk will do whatever he can to be with a lady he deserves because he now knows she deserves him as well. A gentleman means it. You’re not born a gentleman. And trust me when I say it takes a very long time to get here. Now you know the difference. Now I know the difference.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

post

#wouldwife

The last #wouldwife of 2013 people. It was a great year for T-blawg and now everyone is using #wouldwife. You’re fucking welcome!

Alison Brie

Alison Brie

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 858 other followers

%d bloggers like this: