T-pisode 26: Justin Bieber

That’s right. Your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. This is indeed my Justin Bieber post. The little boy who is all the rage right now. His flattened and wind swept hair. His angelic feminine voice. His ability to make his fans want to kill Kim Kardashian over a Twitter pic of the two of them together. His….wait. Hear me out before you run out of here to Facebook or one of your favorite porn sites. I don’t like Justin Bieber. As a matter of fact I think he’s an annoying, talentless little fucker who definitely sold his soul to the devil for fame and fortune. But he does have people talking and tweeting and shit. This post isn’t about all that. It isn’t even about how his career will be over once his balls drop and his voice gets an octave deeper next month. No. You see. This little prepubescent shit is to women now what Britney Spears was to us men back in 1998. That’s right ladies! Now we got all you hypocritical women by the balls!!!

I remember it like it was yesterday. A little blonde slampig popped up on my tv screen in pigtails wearing a little school girl outfit bumping and grinding all over the place. I had been watching TRL for so long waiting for something like this. Wait….what? No I didn’t watch it every day. Just sometimes. When I got out of class early and shit. Shut up. We all watched it! Anyways. There she was. Her “Oh baby babies” made every guy think dirty thoughts. More dirtier than usual that is. But we weren’t allowed to talk about it because she was 17 years old. But we did. We talked to each other. Men telling men about how hot we thought this underage dirty girl was. Convincing each other that it was ok because “She looks 25.” And “I found her birthday on that internet thing and she’s almost 18 so it isn’t that bad dude!” But if a woman heard us talk like that. Or caught us with a magazine of Britney Spears in it. Remember that Rolling Stone issue?! Madone!!! We got holy hell for it! And now you broads got the Bieber! All 16 years of him. Gotcha.

You see back then we didn’t have Facebook or Twitter to follow Britney. We couldn’t create fan pages dedicated to her hotness. Couldn’t tweet in public about whether or not her tits were real. We had to talk about it in secrecy! But all you Bieber lovers are so blatant about it today! I see grown women talking on Facebook about how they want to molest him. They @ mention him on Twitter about how they’re masturbating to him. Crazy sick shit for the whole world to see and nothing is being done about it! Well fuck that! All the shit we got for Britney 12 years ago, well I’m calling you out on this blog right now. You women should be ashamed. You’re pathetic. Wanting to do that to a little boy when you have fully capable men with hairy chests and dropped ballsacks ready and waiting to bang you all. You’re all just as damaged as us and now the world knows it. You know it. But it’s ok. Let’s be imperfect together. Come home ladies. We’re waiting. And if you need another incentive. Look how busted Britney became. Your false young sex idol is heading that way. Fuck Justin Bieber. Figuratively. Fuck us literally. Because that’s what we did with Britney. We ain’t mad at ya.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T