T-pisode 35: Real Men Don’t…Vol. 1

There are a lot of things that douchebags and dudes without a backbone do that are stupid, pathetic and embarrassing that give real men like myself a bad reputation. Here is a list of some of the things real men don’t do. Argue with this list all you want. But real men don’t argue with this list.

Real Men Don’t….

Use LOL, OMG, ❤ or ever say “I miss your face”. Haha and 😉 are ok though.

Collect Facebook Friends to Look Cooler

Cry. Except on 3 Occasions: When His Mom Passes Away, When He Has to Put His Dog Down & When His Favorite Team Wins the Big Game

Need to Lie to get Laid. Ever.

Ever play the “No, You Hang up First” game

Use a Blow dryer or any type of appliance on their hair

Get Jealous

Play video games. Step away from the Modern Warfare fattie. Your Buck Hunter shooting ability is not impressive either bro.

Take Shirtless Photos of Themselves

Dab the Oil Off Pizza

Make Excuses to Not Pay Their Boys Back the Money They Owe Them

Throw Hissy Fits

Watch Dancing With the Stars, American Idol, The Hills or any other Stupid ass Reality Show Alone or With Their Hot Girlfriend

Chase Shots With Anything

Lie to Their Boys About Who They Banged

Wear Sunglasses Inside at Night

Ever call Fondue, Fundue. Actually, we don’t ever eat Fondue.

Stop Drinking After the First Puke. After the Second, It’s OK.

Leave Their Buddies in the Field Ever to Fend Off Chicks (Hot, Drunk or Busted), Dudes Wanting to Fight, The Police or Angry Cab Drivers. If the Angry Girlfriend Shows Up, He’s on His Own.

Dance. We Bump & Grind Depending on the Hotness of the Chick Wanting to Dance. And MC Hammer impressions are ok if you Have the Skills.

Start Fights. We End Them.

Make the Girl Pay for Dinner

Live with Their Parents

Marry the Stripper, the Gym Shake Girl, the Money Hungry in Debt Chick, the Broad That Won’t Let You go out with Your Friends or the Bi-Sexual Weed Freak.

Wear Flip Flops

Go on Diets. We Start New Gym Routines.

Pop Their Collars

Take Longer than 12 Seconds to Order a Meal from the Waiter

Wear Jewelry. We Wear a Watch.

Partake in a Devil’s Triangle (2 dudes, 1 chick)

Clip their phone to their belt

Ever ask for Directions. In fact, remove that GPS.

Have a hairstyle. We have a whatever for 15 bucks.

Ask to have their Meal prepared a certain way

Yell. We talk firmly to get our point across.

Take Longer to get ready than the Girl

Place Bets on their Hometown teams. Don’t jinx them asshole.

Ever hit women. We hit some poor random dude/wall instead.

Know the name of the bag, shoes or dress she’s wearing

Hate on Other Real Men. We Congratulate, Then Step Up Our Own Game.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T