T-pisode 45: T Does LA in 3 Paragraphs

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LA. I do her often. Then I leave to come back to my wife…Boston.

I’ve decided to start a series of blog posts that capture my travels throughout my life. In 3 paragraphs. I’ll post them every once in a while. Some places I’ve been to a few times, others only once. And some I will probably never go back to because of what went down there.

I present my first “T Does ‘Place’ in 3 Paragraphs” post. Starting with Los Angeles.

As a Boston guy I’m automatically supposed to hate LA because of the Celtics/Fakers…I mean Lakers historic rivalry. Not true. I hate the Lakers. I dig the city. My business brings me to LA a lot and each time it’s an epic adventure. The scene, the people, the vibe. Yes, LA has a vibe. These 3 things are prominent to a single Boston guy out in LA. The sun is always shining. ALWAYS. And there are palm trees everywhere. EVERYWHERE. You walk around with sunglasses on because of the sun and walk into those fucking palm trees because you have them on. Or because you are drunk. Or both. At night the city is just like the movie Collateral. There is a calmness to the LA air at night that I’ve never seen anywhere else on the planet. The sky is still. In Boston you can see the clouds moving at night. There is something always in the air. Not in LA. Except for weed. That’s in the air sometimes.

LA has 2 types of people. The fake and the laid back. I can take both in shifts. Really. The fake look fake. Act fake. Have fake body parts. The laid back are too damn laid back. Act slow. Talk slow. Look slow. That’s why there is always traffic 24/7 in LA. There is no sense of fucking urgency or need like in Boston! It’s annoying. But one thing that both the fake and laid back have in common, whether they are LA transplants or Cali born, are the credentials. You see in Boston everybody wants you to think they are doing something. That they are something more than what their title or pay grade dictate. In LA if you meet a woman who says she is an actress/model odds are she’ll whip out her SAG card or you can find her IMDb page or her Playboy spread in under 30 seconds. In Boston she would just be another hot bartender that posed for lame ass Barstool Sports for free. If you say you surf in LA, you surf. Everyday. Not 4 times a year like the poser dudes we have out here. And while most people drop a load trying to snap a pic with a celebrity in Boston to put on their facebook page, in LA they’ll just walk by the person like it was nothing. Case in point, like the times I met Kimmie Gibler, the oldest brother from Home Improvement, the chick from Smallville, Manny from Scarface and the fat kid from The Sandlot. I thought it was cool as shit that these people were hanging out like normal people but the people I was with treated them like they were assholes. Treating people like assholes made me miss Boston. A lot.

The one thing I really enjoy about LA, besides the prospect of making money in showbiz, is the vibe. Now maybe some Los Angelinos are not as kind to other Los Angelinos sometimes, but being a Boston guy that talks fast with an insane accent and an in your face attitude that most of them have only seen done poorly in movies has always gotten me mad love from LA. ALWAYS! The people in the business seem to enjoy dealing with me. They find me funny. Interesting. And the women have no attitude. NONE! Even the fake ones. At least not to my fine, funny Boston ass. They are just chill and eat up every dropped “R” and fast paced hand gesture! I love Boston women but most of them have a stick up their ass. In LA shit just goes down much easier. Socializing shouldn’t be work. And when I’m in LA everybody wants to talk and have a good time regardless of what bar or club you are hanging out at. People don’t have a certain hotspot. Or type. Everybody just kind of goes with it. In Boston certain people, owners, promoters, wannabe posers tell you what’s hot, where you should be at certain times and places. In LA, you make whatever you want hot. I respect that. I respect LA. It’s a great place to visit. But I love Boston the best.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

6 comments

  1. I’m an Angeleno and I’m not sure how I feel about either being fake or laid back…don’t get me wrong there is PLENTY of fake out here and some of it is scary looking… Since I have no fake parts on me (except that screw in my wrist from that skateboarding mishap 12 years ago…does that count?) I guess I’m laid back 🙂

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  2. When I was in LA in March the #1 thing I noticed was that the city *smelled* good. Everywhere. Even on Hollywood Boulevard, which was icky overall. I totally dug it and can’t wait to get back.

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    1. Right? It does *smell* like that everywhere. Hollywood Boulevard is something else on it’s own. I’ve been there on a Saturday night and what I’ve seen can never be unseen. It’s icky like you said but can be icky in a real good way.

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  3. Ironically it’s been rainy the past couple of days. We are so spoiled by the sun that when the gloom sets in it’s as if the world going end here. But, have no doubt people will still be wearing their sunglasses rationalizing UV ray protection.

    And as far as your people types I would like to add the side-hustlers, even the pimps, gang bangers, and dealers have SAG cards here, no lie, watch Training Day that set-up was no joke.

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    1. Haha that’s true. Interesting side note. I met the writer of Training Day, David Ayer a few years ago out there. He puts a lot of his life into his writing as well. He told me that the card game “Ever get your shit pushed in?” scene actually happened at a party he was at. He came right home and put it in his script. Crazy. I bet the shit pushed in gang banger guy had a SAG card too.

      And when it rains out there, everything moves even extra extra slow. Boston drivers would commit murder out there. Daily.

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