T-pisode 50: Why T-blawg Will Never Be ‘Freshly Pressed’”

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Yeah. You probably won’t find a t-blawg post here.

Am I offensive??? YES. Am I brutally honest? Yes. But that’s why you read this blog. I don’t purposely try to shock. It’s just how I roll. Honesty, humor and in yo’ face with some shit. That’s it. That’s t-blawg. What am I babbling on about? I’ll tell you my loyal t-blawgians. WordPress is my blog publisher and WordPress has this feature called “Freshly Pressed”. Every single day they pretty much go around and pick and feature blog posts from bloggers on their homepage that they like. That the general public would like according to them. They have to be generic. They have to be nice. They have to have interaction from other down the middle bloggers. Basically, they have to be average. Well, as a reader of t-blawg you know that this blog is anything but average. Therefore I have come to the conclusion that it will never be “Freshly Pressed”. And you know what? I’m cool with that. I’ve said before that I write this blog to share my stories and opinions to entertain. To make you laugh, think and feel. So this blog is far from generic. Far from “Freshly Pressed”.

Is a t-blawg post even capable of being “Freshly Pressed”? I don’t know. I mean picture my “I Respect The Bro Code and You Should Too” post being featured up there next to blog posts such as these recently “Freshly Pressed” posts: “Pumpkin luminaries”; “Being a ‘Gleek’”; “Why I’m Anti-iPhone Because They are Anti-Google Voice”; and “The Joy of Baking Bacon and Cheese Biscuits”. Are you fucking serious?! Can you get anymore “run-of-the-fucking-mill” than this bullshit? I’m not knocking the bloggers for writing stuff like this because that is 99% of the blogs out there. It’s why they started blogging. To voice their opinion about things. To find an audience that can relate. Sure they’re not trying to be boring but they figure they have to be to get a following. Play it safe. To get “Freshly Pressed”. Not me. Not T. Not now. Not ever. Instead, I’m knocking WordPress for featuring shit like this. For taking the easy road. Nobody in history that has become something has ever taken the easy road. Generic=Cautious. Cautious=Lame. Innovation=Awesomeness. Awesomeness=T. You will find me in the latter obviously blazing trails and writing fucking fire every damn Monday!!!

Whether this stance means never being “Freshly Pressed” and not reaching a larger audience because of it, well then so be it. I’m no sellout. The people who read this blog read it because I’m everything opposite of those featured in “Freshly Pressed”. And there are now a lot of people reading this blog. A LOT. I can proudly say t-blawg is opposite of every damn blog out there. Because t-blawg is the anti-blog. The People’s Blog. I dare you to find another one like this. You won’t. Because there is only one me. And I like it that way. Go through my archive of blog posts. I can guaran-damn-T (pun intended) that you will find at least 1 post that made you laugh your ass off at work. At least 1 post that you tweeted. At least 1 post that you posted on facebook for your friends to see. At least 1 post that you emailed the link out to. At least 1 post that pissed you the fuck off. At least 1 post that made you subscribe. At least 1 post that made you comment. At least 1 post that made you say to yourself “Wow. He’s nuts but so right on with this one.” And that’s enough for me. So I say to you WordPress….You can freshly press this. And yes, I am pointing to my crotch right now in case you were wondering. t-blawg yo. And don’t ever forget it.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

23 comments

    1. It might hurt. But sometimes you have to get kinky.

      Most Bostonians are like this. I’m just even more so. I have a condition. 😉

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      1. You’re condition is that you are kinky as hell. First, Nucky’s ex with that awful baby voice and the way she says, “Daddy”, and now you want someone to freshly press your balls?!?

        I knew there was a reason I liked you…and why I’ve always wanted to go to Boston… 😉

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      2. I told you, Nucky’s ex is “dirty” hot. The type that would freshly press balls. Nothing wrong with that. While she says “Daddy” in her dopey voice. Hot.

        If you like kinky, then you must come to Boston. I will personally show you why my city is so awesome. But maybe we should wait until your “year” is up? Just saying. 😉

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      3. Oh T…what did I say about internet flirting…? I am totally susceptible to it and a gigantic writhing ball of sexual need…take it easy on me…

        But seriously, I have always wanted to go to Boston – I may actually go next summer – I will be on the East Coast for a family reunion. I hear so many great things about the city – except for the time my girlfriends went and almost got beat up at a bar by not-so-attractive- men in their late 40’s with gigantic beer bellys…

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      4. I know. That’s why I do it. But I can’t help myself.

        Summer 2011? It really is a great city. But I’m biased. As you already know. And I’m sorry your friends had a bad time. That type of shit would never happen with me around. Trust me. 😉

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      5. Well T, if you play your cards right, I just might allow you to protect me from middle aged beer bellied men… We’d make quite a pair, me with my blurry face and you with your tipped hat…

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    1. You can wear my hat if I can wear your blur? 😉 So much innuendo in these comments. Out of control.

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      1. It’s all good. I have a photographic memory! 😉

        And yeah I do stubble well I must say. A perk of being Italian.

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    1. Aw! We were going so good there too. 3 out of 4. I’m not much of a cook. I can make like 2 things. But I can help you in the kitchen if you can cook. Mostly by drinking wine and boiling water or something.

      Not for nothing, but I got some major hits from repeat IP addresses last night. Either people liked reading this post over and over again or they enjoyed our internet flirting. Or both.

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      1. Well obviously your witty and stimulating prose is the main draw. Our Internet flirting is just a sideshow.

        I can cook and bake. So we can have a mean Chicken Marsala with some great wine, and then converse over my homemade white chocolate dipped cranberry pistachio biscotti while I give you unsolicited free legal advice. Then we can go out to a local bar and you can flex your muscles for me whilst protecting me from the above mentioned beer bellied Boston we,coming committee.

        After I’m sufficiently impressed, I will let you rub your stubble all over my blurry face…

        (Wonder if that will get you some more repeat hits)

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      2. Um yeahhh. I like everything you just said. I really don’t want to wait until Summer. Might have to get back out to LA soon.

        I’ll pick up the food. You can cook that good stuff. I’ll provide witty conversation that you’ve never heard in your life. Then we can go to one of my favorite spots where I will get you drunk and solicit much needed legal advice for free on many possible scenarios that I tend to get into. My stubble will also be available for rubbing as we dance provocatively due to so much innuendo.

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  1. I think I would love to read your rendition of, “The Joy of Baking Bacon and Cheese Biscuits.” Although, I have a feeling it would bring a whole other twist to the table 😉 and thus you would still not be Freshly Pressed. Keep taking it there. They can’t hold awesomeness down!

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    1. You’re right. Even if I did a post about baking, I’m sure it would turn to either sex or violence. But definitely full of awesomeness! 😉

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