T-pisode 81: The T Substantial Dating Demographic

I’m not saying this happens to everybody but I’ve come to a point in my life where I have decided to close the gap on the women who I get involved with. Now, the only reason I’m doing this is because I’ve had my fair share of women of different ages/types ranging from the youngest: a 19 year-old model who was 12 years younger than me to the oldest: a 44 year-old cougar who was 17 years older than me and everything in between. I’ve run my age dating gamut. Everywhere from crazy young hot sex with drama and sleepless party nights to older women who already have been married with children and just want sex with a younger guy. What have I had in between? A bunch of bullshit really. The bullshit stands out the most. Very few shining moments. Too few good women. Too few healthy, “normal for T anyways” women to date. Too much of being a side dick for some mental chick. Or being the undercover lover for some chick in a relationship. And even sometimes I have been an emotional friend that provided the occasional cuddle. Countless times of drunk texting and pulling rabbits out of hats when magic hour was underway at the bar or club. Enough of that shit I say.

The end result of my peak years of partying, dating, booty calling, side banging has left me with….nothing. Seriously. Oh sure these stories make for some great blog posts and elevated this blog. Some great shit talking with my boys for sure. Hell, even some great material I put into my scripts. But for me, personally? Nothing substantial. Nothing with substance. Nothing that I can say to myself “Hey T. This girl is awesome. She gets you. Lets you be you. You say and do things to her you never did to any other woman. Shit, there’s feelings involved! You’re not a machine after all. Good job.” And I’ll take half the blame on this. The other half goes on the chicks not in what I now call “The T Substantial Dating Demographic”. This demographic is the target female type and age range I will now focus all my powers on. And believe me, I have some powers. Just ask all my female t-blawg groupies. Heeeyyyyy. Wait. Stop distracting me dammit!

The T Substantial Dating Demographic: (If you don’t fall into this demographic I will not get involved with you in any romantic or sexual way whatsoever! Not anymore. *Present women I met before this post are excluded. Well some of you are.)

Age: 25-35 (I can’t deal with the young insecure drama anymore. Even for just banging. Sorry. Or the older, scorned “My life and men suck so I’m bitter and will take it out on all men” type.)

Education: College Graduate + (This means you’re not stupid. I hate stupid.)

Income: $60-$100K (I have no problem taking care of a woman if she wants me to. But I need to know she can take care of herself first.)

Occupation: Sky’s the damn limit! (Anything but full-time student, model, actress, unemployed, bartender (part time is ok), waitress, stripper, socialite (what the fuck is that anyways?!))

Living Situation: Just You (You can rent or own. I don’t care. But you better live alone. Fuck your intruding parents. Fuck your never minding their own business roommates. Fuck your children supplement cats. One dog is cool. As long as it doesn’t fit in a purse or wear clothes. Or try to rape my leg or ass.)

Status: Completely Single! (That means…never been married. Too much baggage. Can’t have kids. I love kids. And I’m a great uncle. But if I ever have kids, they have to be my kids. And my kids will be hell spawn. Just so you know. But I’ll still love the little fuckers.)

Physical Appearance: Surprise Me (I am no longer going for the dark haired, pretty eye shit! Fuck that. You can look however you look. Within the 5 foot to 5 foot 9 range. 90-130lbs. Average/Athletic/Curvy build. Any ethnicity. Any hair color. Can be a 6 on a 1-10 scale. Preferably a 7-8. 9s and 10s have egos bigger than me. All set.)

Musts: Besides the above mentioned? Have a sense of humor and something to say. Honestly? These two things would probably bump out any of the above shit I mentioned. For reals. I make you laugh, then I’m happy from you laughing. Done!

Must nots: Smokes, sausage hands, greasy curly hair, assface chins, drug dependencies (street or prescription), muffin tops, doesn’t live in reality, delusional, loves drama, insecurity, doesn’t like movies, smells funny.

Our History: You don’t know me. Not from my past. Not from this blog. We’ve never worked together. We’ve never been friends. We didn’t go to school together. We don’t just facebook through t-blawg. We don’t just tweet through @tblawg. We didn’t meet once at a mutual friend’s party. You’re not in my pipeline. I’m not in yours. Nothing. It has to be fresh. It has to be new.

That’s “The T Substantial Dating Demographic”! As of this blog posting this is what I’ll be focusing on. Impossible? I don’t know. Maybe. Shouldn’t be. Doesn’t seem that hard on paper. And for all you people reading this and I’m sure will either comment, text, call, facebook, tweet or even carrier pigeon me “Well what do you have to offer the women in ‘The T Substantial Dating Demographic ‘ Mr. Perfect???” A lot actually. But I know I’m not perfect. Because I’m honest. And I’m funny. And ambitious. What else? Oh. I make a good living. Also very loyal. And….let’s just say the rest I have to offer is a whole lot of substance. Substantial substance.
What do you think? Am I nuts??? Am I asking for too much? Would love to hear some female feedback on this one. Easy on the hate mail please. Haha.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T