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After the crazy 2010 that I had, I promised myself a lot of things in 2011. I promised myself to do a lot of things differently. One of those things was to start dating higher quality women. Women that were more in line with what I wanted. What I needed. No young drama. No slampigs. No crazies. No women already in serious relationships with other guys. No women who were a pain in my ass basically. I no longer wanted to hang out with, hook up with, have sex with or date women where at some point I found myself dropping on them the dreaded “It’s not you, it’s me.” Nobody wants to get the “It’s not you, it’s me!” Nobody. And I gave it out a lot in my time. Because it is the “Get out of whatever this is as easy as possible” dating clause. And we all have used it. Don’t lie. Sure it’s pretty much the chicken shit way of saying “You’re not good enough for me. You’re not what I thought you were. You are kind of weird. I found someone better. The sex sucked. You look stupid naked. You bore the shit out of me. I suddenly just found you annoying. I don’t want anything to do with you as of this moment.” without having to actually say it like that. That’s the “It’s not you, it’s me” in a nutshell. Or so I thought.
So it was all fine and dandy giving it out to women until this past Summer when some chick I was hanging out with dropped that shit on me. I have gone my entire dating life without a woman saying “It’s not you, it’s me” to me. Seriously. I have been told “You’re an asshole.” “I found someone else.” “You’re too busy for me.” “I’m going back to/staying with my boyfriend/husband.” “You’re too crazy for me.” “You have more issues than Time magazine.” “I am a lesbian now.” plenty of times. But never the “It’s not you, it’s me!” And it sucked. Of course I immediately wanted to pull a George Costanza and say “You don’t give me ‘It’s not you, it’s me!’ I give you ‘It’s not you, it’s me!’ I invented the ‘It’s not you, it’s me!'” But I didn’t. She was a nice enough girl. And the new 2011 T told the little devil Ts on his shoulders (Yes. Two devils. Never had the tiny angel on one of them.) to just take it like a man. I went outside of my comfort zone with this woman the entire time we were together. She wasn’t my type at all. She had some issues. A lot of issues actually. And a past that made my past look like a fucking church choir. But I let it go while I was with her because I wanted to give this thing between us a shot. A real, adult, quality shot. But she didn’t. She wanted to end it and she wanted to do it as easy as possible for the both of us. She wanted to “It’s not you, it’s me” me. And she actually did us both a favor.
It took about a week and few conversations with the boys and my Chick Bullpen to realize that if she didn’t do the “It’s not you, it’s me” to me, I would’ve did it to her. It just wasn’t meant to be and honestly, we both didn’t know why. It just didn’t fit. For her. Or for me. And it really wasn’t the chicken shit way of ending things. It’s not always a lie. Sometimes it really is you. And not them. Sometimes it’s both of you. Why stay in something if you’re not feeling it? You can still like someone. Find them attractive. Have fun with them. But just feel like you don’t fit with them. Sometimes there isn’t an exact reason. And if you said “I can’t explain it. Everything is going ok. I like you. But I don’t want to be with you and I can’t say why exactly because I honestly don’t know why.” instead of “It’s not you, it’s me” it would drag things out. You would want more because you would think there should be a reason. It would bring out feelings of doubt, anger, suspicion, self loathing, hate. It wouldn’t just end. The band aid would slowly pull on the tiny hairs for a long time with that. Calls. Texts. All that shit because you would want answers. You would want closure. On your terms. Not theirs. And that sucks even more than “It’s not you, it’s me.” I know that now. Because honestly people, sometimes it really is just “It’s not you, it’s me.” Leave it that. Move on. And get back in the game and hope to find someone who gets it the way you get it.
Ever give or get “It’s not you, it’s me?” Do you agree with my definition of it or do you still feel it’s an easy out? I really want to know! Let me know on Facebook or Twitter. Thanks.
Until next time. Always take it there.
T
T-blawg 