T-pisode 103: Bro Money Code

If you cut up my brain, any guy’s brain actually, I believe you will find the 4 things that are always on our minds. Sex. Food. Sports. Money. Men are simple creatures. I don’t deny that. But we know what we like and once again, there are rules to the things in a man’s life. And so there are rules to…money. Money amongst bros. Money made. Money spent. Money borrowed. Money wasted. Big stacks. Little stacks. Money, money, money!!! It can be one of the more touchier Bro Code topics. But not if you really are a bro. Let’s talk bucks people. I present my latest chapter in the Bro Code series. My Bro Money Code. With a little more commentary than usual. Because money is no joke bro.

How much you make bro???
Bros do not discuss how much they make for a living. Tightest bros. Newest bros. You don’t ask. Ever. You don’t bring it up. Ever. Only pussy bros ask because they are nervous you make more than them. It’s an inferiority complex. Have some fucking class bro. Want me to buy you some?

If money is owed you pay it back before you do anything else. ANYTHING ELSE!
I never borrow from a pal. Ever. But if there is something that involves a pal paying for something before I see him, I immediately greet him next time I see him with money in hand. That’s just me. That should be you. If you owe a bro, do not buy anything else. Do not go on a vacation. Do not take your girl out to that expensive restaurant. Do not buy that iPad. Do not go to the game. Do not buy shit until you pay back your bro! Doesn’t matter if it’s a dollar or a thousand dollars. YOU PAY THY OWED BRO FIRST!!!

Gambling amongst guys
I do not gamble. I have too much respect for money because I didn’t have any growing up. And I’ve seen the evils of what gambling can do to a family. But as a grown man, I have to accept my bros who gamble. Fine. But if you gamble bro, do it so it doesn’t impact your other bros, your career, your health, your family or your future. Control that shit. Man up or stop it dude.

Boozin’ it up!
It’s simple. I’ve said it before. When it’s your round just pay like a good bro. And don’t pull that you’ll have a Bud Light shit when it’s your round and the expensive top shelf hard shit when it’s not. That is bad bro boozin’!

The bro with the higher salary does not pay every time
Even when you don’t know exactly what a guy makes you have an idea when he’s making decent bucks. This doesn’t mean he pays more than every other guy out every time. If you can’t hang with the big dogs then don’t act like a little bitch. ZING!

It’s not about the couple bucks, it’s the principle
When it comes time to pay, regardless of what it is, throw in. It doesn’t matter if it’s a couple of bucks here and there. For the cab. The tip. The coat check. Parking. Tolls. Ticket broker fee. PAY! Just shut up and pay!

Money shouldn’t come between bros, but neither should being a dick
I know which of my bros are good for money when it comes to everything. Drinks, games, vacations, tables at the club etc. But now and then I have to let new bros in and really get to see what type of bro they are. If you commit to throwing in cash for something, ex. a table at the club or bottles at the club, then you fucking throw in. If you get drunk and leave or find a chick and leave, then you immediately contact the bro you stuck the entire bill with and let him know your ass will pay him ASAP. You committed. Man the fuck up. Don’t be a dick, bro.

He who sets up couple date night out pays the bill
Only do this with your really good buddies! The ones who never bring up money. You and your girl set up a night out with him and his lady. And you pay. Next time he pays. And so on. Together you can have one hell of a time. Don’t split the bill. Keep the rotation going with each bro taking turns. Grown man shit right therrr!

If you get into places a lot, free drinks a lot, game tickets a lot on one bro’s connections only? You are an asshole bro.
Case closed.

If you bring your girl along, then you pay double dude. WTF?!
Doesn’t matter the situation. This is no longer a 50/50 split. Your luggage bro. You pay to check it in. Capish?

If one pal does the driving with his car, you pay for the gas guy
A road trip. A casino run. A game. A business trip. Running illegal guns Sons of Anarchy style. Doesn’t matter. He drives his car, you pay his gas. If he passes on the offer, you buy an extra round or some shit. It’s simple.

Cheap bros are not real bros
They’re not. That bro who always lies about money. Is light on the bill. Never sends you the money in the mail. Throws your high salary in your face. Ducks out on his round. Forgets all the money you dropped on his bachelor party, wedding, kids shit etc. And never pays for what he agrees to pay? He is not your fucking bro. He is an acquaintance at best and treat his lying, piece of shit cheap ass accordingly. Call Bro Money Code on his ass from this day forward! Thank me later.

So there you have it. The toughest Bro Code chapter yet. But I had to put it out there for all the bros around the world who always thought this shit but could never put it into words. Well T just did guys! And like all Bro Code chapters, print this, save it and carry it with you at all times. Because you’ll need it. But more importantly, just respect it.

How do you feel about the sixth chapter in my Bro Code Series, the Bro Money Code? Is it missing a commandment? Let me know! I’m on Twitter and Facebook.

PS. This will be the last post like this. Next week I present the all-new, even more awesome t-blawg. 12/5/11. 104 straight Mondays of t-blawg. The party is just starting people!!! -T

Until next time. Always take it there.

T