T-pisode 13: The Bro Code

The Bro Code. Guy Code. Dude Rules. Man Law. Call them what you want, but every guy should be living by them. The Bro Code are a set of rules that govern every man. And they should be learned, followed and respected. No excuses. But there are some guys who don’t follow them. And I’m here to let you know that you should be following them. They will make you a better man. There are a lot of rules within the Bro Code, but I’ll just list the core basics that should be followed. I will also include their respective exception clause.

Thou Bros Always Before Thou Hos
This is for every guy. EVERY guy. Single, in a relationship and married. We have each other’s backs. That’s it. We do shit for each other a woman can’t. We know shit about each other women can’t never know. There will always be other hos! Exception Clause: If it involves you getting laid with no less than 2-3 models or sex with a woman who is ridiculously rich and will give you money. That’s it.

Thou Shall Never Bang Your Boy’s Sister, Mother or Ex
No matter how hot these women are, if you bang any of them you will get a severe beating and never be friends again. Exception Clause: She looks like Megan Fox. Bang her. Find another friend with an ugly sister, mother or ex.

Thou Must be a Wingman
This rule goes without any explanation. No excuses. You must do it. Exception Clause: You died.

Thou Shall Take One for the Team
If your buddy is talking to a chick and she has friends, hot or not, you must talk to them. Doesn’t matter if they are annoying, fat or busted. Just keep drinking. Keep talking. And keep them busy. You don’t have to have sex with them. Play cards. Or juggle. Or something. Exception Clause: You meet a hotter chick while taking one for the team who is willing to go home with you. Bail. Your buddy is on his own.

Thou Must Help Their Buddy Move
Moving sucks. But it sucks less when your buddy is helping you. I don’t care if it’s furniture or a dead body. You better help your buddy move it. You don’t have to volunteer but if you are asked you have to do it. Your pay is a six-pack of Corona. Exception Clause: You are moving the same day or you are also trying to hide a dead body as well.

Thou Shall Never Talk About a Buddy’s Sexual History to a Woman
Just keep your fucking mouth shut on this one! Do not blow up your buddy’s spot with this! What a man reveals to a woman about his own sexual history is his business. If you tell her he’s banged 300 women, she’ll think he’s a man whore. If you say he’s only slept with 3 women, she’ll think he has something wrong with him. This is the number one unintentional cockblocker amongst buddies. Do not commit this crime. Exception Clause: She is deaf. Tell her whatever the fuck you want.

Thou Will Take His Bro’s Secret to the Grave
This is what separates us from women. Women love to tell friends their other friends secrets and shit. Men don’t! If your friend tells you he robbed a bank. You say nothing. If your married friend tells you he got some road ass on a business trip. You say nothing. If your friend tells you he burned down a church the other night while he was drunk. You say nothing. Not to your other friends. Not to your wife. Not to the cops. Not to your priest. You die with this damn secret! Exception Clause: You need a favor from your friend and he’s acting like a little bitch and he refuses to do it so you can now blackmail him with said secret. Watch how fast he mans up and does the favor.

If each man follows these rules, the world will be a better place. So please, guys, man up and just respect the Bro Code.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T