T-pisode 59: T Debunks the Female Male Fantasies

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Your list is stupid

So some women in my life recently have inspired me….uh provoked me into writing this. Do what you will with this info. It’s truth. Period.

Let’s get right into it with “The List”. Every single woman on the hunt has one. It’s what you want in a man right? It’s your must haves! It’s also your damn security blanket. It’s your way of getting out of it with a guy by going to the “It’s not me, it’s him” reasoning. “He doesn’t fit the profile.” And I’m here to tell you the list is bullshit and the only person you’re hurting is yourself. Do you honestly think the perfect man for you exists? Do you honestly buy into that “I just want one guy to prove to me that he’s not like all the rest” garbage? You really want the “fairy tale happy ending”? Get off your fucking high horse ok? We’re men. We’re not knights in shining armor. We’re not leading male characters in Julia Roberts and Katherine Heigl movies. We’re not douchebags that play your bad boy with hearts of gold or fixer-upper roles in your mental Sex and the City fantasies. We’re not underage fucking sparkly book or pretty boy True Blood vampires. We’re real life guys. We fart. We pick our noses. We shift our balls when we’re bored in public. We have beer bellies no matter how much we work out. We make mistakes. We’re not a checklist of 25 random things you must have to fall in love with! We’re not all top doctors and lawyers. We all don’t like to cuddle every night of the week. We’re not all commissioned talented painters. We don’t all like to stay in bed rolling around like idiots on top of Sunday newspapers on rainy days. Don’t put that weird shit on us.

Stop putting your lists, fantasies, movie characters, romance novel cover guys and the 9-year-old you pretending to get married in a dress in front of all her dolls and stuffed animals to her made up husband on all of us. Accept that you’re not perfect first. Then realize no guy will ever be perfect. Think outside your box. Pun intended. Then be open to compromise. Then and only then you might be normal enough to find a guy. Because you’re missing out right now. I guarantee it. I don’t want to hear your complaining. Yes we’re all assholes. But if you stop being so high-strung and having such unrealistic perfect guy traits for one fucking minute and open your eyes you will find one of us imperfect normal men who will stop being an asshole to you and you alone. But first you have to throw your list and that dream of meeting atop of the stupid Empire State Building or fucking Eiffel Tower out the damn window. Life isn’t The Notebook ladies. You know that shit was made up right? Life also isn’t some Taylor Swift song lyric that you like to quote on fucking facebook. We all can’t be like your dad either. I guarantee your dad wasn’t even like your dad. Ask your mom. She compromised. She fell for his flaws and insecurities once she dropped her wall and tossed out her damn list and prince rescuing her from her tower prison fantasy.

If he went to any college instead of one of your preferred ivy league schools, give him a chance. If he shaves his head and doesn’t have Brad Pitt hair, give him a chance. If he has a 3 pack instead of Ryan Reynolds abs, give him a chance. If he has a decent job that is enough to pay the bills and spoil you instead of being the CEO of Google, give him a chance. If he ate dinner with the wrong fork instead of your right fork, give him a chance. If he doesn’t know the name of your boss but knows enough to massage your feet after a rough day at work, give him a chance. If you’re confused on whether he wants to be your friend or date you, just ask him, then give him a chance. If his favorite movie isn’t Love Actually but laughs just as much as you do at Wedding Crashers, give him a chance. If he isn’t wearing a light brown sports coat with a canary vest and a thin blue striped white button up but is the only guy trying to fucking talk to you in the bar tonight, give him a chance! I’m not saying to lower your standards, I’m saying lower your wall. I’m not saying to not look for what you want, I’m saying to stop looking for what you don’t want. Toss the list. Smile more. Relax. Talk to the guys who want to talk to you. Then I guarantee you will meet a real life special guy. I promise. Once again, thank me later.

Until next time. Always take it there.



  1. A little harsh (per usual T style), but I agree! There is no such thing as the perfect guy – it’s a concept contrived by movies and fairy tales.

    But I still believe in the PERFECTLY INNOCENT CUDDLE! 🙂


    1. A little harsher than usual true. But I was fired up more than usual when I wrote it. Most of my posts are done weeks in advance. But I think I broke it down with this one.

      And again, no cuddle is innocent for dudes. 😉


      1. “Again, no cuddle is innocent for dudes.”

        I buy this. And haven’t we (you, me, all of us…here, maybe?) talked about this before? Women are capable of having guys as friends and not wanting to bang them, but guys aren’t? Or am I confusing the blogs I read?


  2. Eh, What can you say he speaks his mind. In this case the mind of all you bitches. So give a brother a chance you bitches.


  3. Did some stupid woman shoot you down? Or is this more general and not directly relating to you?

    Expectations are the death of women (and some men). They can be very hard to reign in. But it has to be done, you’re right on that. Flaws and weaknesses and finding beauty in them is the real deal.

    Wait! “If he doesn’t know the name of your boss but knows enough to massage your feet after a rough day at work, give him a chance.” What if he rubbed my feet ONE time to get me into bed and then NEVER again? What then? 😉

    Well done, T.


    1. What?! Me get shot down??? Never! 😉

      This has to do with me sort of. Mostly general. Just had to get it out there. Too many women have unrealistic expectations and can’t see what’s right there.

      There is always that chance you might get one foot massage and that’s it. Make sure it’s a damn good one. 😉


  4. Hmmm, I think it depends on the individual list. Some lists are ridiculous – a friend of mine says she can’t be with a guy who farts or burps in front of her, or a guy who wears his hear long, and the list goes on… But if your list is short, sweet and reasonable, like “hard working, kind, smart, and funny” that’s not a bad list.


    1. That’s not a list though. Those are things you want to like about somebody. Nothing wrong with that. The insane random or high expectations that keep a woman from being with a guy are what’s wrong. The person should come before all those. Work around that stuff.


      1. No, that’s a list – it’s a list of the things I expect from a man.

        But you ARE right – I have been guilty of using petty things to tell myself I don’t like a guy…


  5. Preach on. I blame Sex and the City and would even go as far to say that the show set women back by light years. I never understood why women identified with it. If the broads on the show we’re in their 20’s I’d get it a little more. But instead they four hens in their 40’s and 50’s who were alone and just kvetched the entire time. Plus they were ugly. There I said it. Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a weathered shoe or a horse according to sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com (not my site or anyone that I know- but it’s funny), Kim Cattrell hasn’t been hot since she was in Mannaquin, Kristen Davis – she’s cute and insanely hot when compared to the other three, and Cynthia Nixon……oooo boy. eek. Well she looks like a grown up version of the kid who played Junior in the Problem Child movies.

    You’re right, that Taylor Swift isn’t helping matters. That bird dates dudes just to get songs out of them. Even on her new album (which I don’t have – just making that clear) she blasts John Mayer. Now I hate John Mayer, but he’s a songwriter too, so he could get even with her. I’d respect him more if on his next album he had a song titled, ‘Teenage Country Hussy Gives it Up’

    The sooner women realize we’re just human the happier they’ll be. That being said, all women should share at least three-five trait from your last post on celeb ex-wives…….oh snap!

    Sorry, I ramble.


  6. What? My dating world can not be summed up by a Taylor Swift song?…Great, you’ve ruined my illusions forever….now I’m going to have to console myself with a few Cosmos and Sex and the City loop session re-runs…Thanks T…

    A lot of my friends have these guy requirement lists. Often, they end up dating idiots they hate, for years some of them…it’s weird. I totally don’t get it. And, they don’t get how I still get along with most of the guys I’ve dated. It’s because I actually liked them for they were. Were anyone of them perfect. Hell no 😉 But they were all cool, fun, interesting, smart and we had a good time together. That’s 90% of my list and it works 🙂


  7. I’ve been reading your blog for awhile T. You are the voice of men everywhere. Keep speaking your mind brother. There are lots of us out there but women have to weed through the garbage to find us.

    Keep rocking.


  8. I heart you. You probably won’t approve this. Not trying to “blow up your spot”. 😉


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