So some women in my life recently have inspired me….uh provoked me into writing this. Do what you will with this info. It’s truth. Period.
Let’s get right into it with “The List”. Every single woman on the hunt has one. It’s what you want in a man right? It’s your must haves! It’s also your damn security blanket. It’s your way of getting out of it with a guy by going to the “It’s not me, it’s him” reasoning. “He doesn’t fit the profile.” And I’m here to tell you the list is bullshit and the only person you’re hurting is yourself. Do you honestly think the perfect man for you exists? Do you honestly buy into that “I just want one guy to prove to me that he’s not like all the rest” garbage? You really want the “fairy tale happy ending”? Get off your fucking high horse ok? We’re men. We’re not knights in shining armor. We’re not leading male characters in Julia Roberts and Katherine Heigl movies. We’re not douchebags that play your bad boy with hearts of gold or fixer-upper roles in your mental Sex and the City fantasies. We’re not underage fucking sparkly book or pretty boy True Blood vampires. We’re real life guys. We fart. We pick our noses. We shift our balls when we’re bored in public. We have beer bellies no matter how much we work out. We make mistakes. We’re not a checklist of 25 random things you must have to fall in love with! We’re not all top doctors and lawyers. We all don’t like to cuddle every night of the week. We’re not all commissioned talented painters. We don’t all like to stay in bed rolling around like idiots on top of Sunday newspapers on rainy days. Don’t put that weird shit on us.
Stop putting your lists, fantasies, movie characters, romance novel cover guys and the 9-year-old you pretending to get married in a dress in front of all her dolls and stuffed animals to her made up husband on all of us. Accept that you’re not perfect first. Then realize no guy will ever be perfect. Think outside your box. Pun intended. Then be open to compromise. Then and only then you might be normal enough to find a guy. Because you’re missing out right now. I guarantee it. I don’t want to hear your complaining. Yes we’re all assholes. But if you stop being so high-strung and having such unrealistic perfect guy traits for one fucking minute and open your eyes you will find one of us imperfect normal men who will stop being an asshole to you and you alone. But first you have to throw your list and that dream of meeting atop of the stupid Empire State Building or fucking Eiffel Tower out the damn window. Life isn’t The Notebook ladies. You know that shit was made up right? Life also isn’t some Taylor Swift song lyric that you like to quote on fucking facebook. We all can’t be like your dad either. I guarantee your dad wasn’t even like your dad. Ask your mom. She compromised. She fell for his flaws and insecurities once she dropped her wall and tossed out her damn list and prince rescuing her from her tower prison fantasy.
If he went to any college instead of one of your preferred ivy league schools, give him a chance. If he shaves his head and doesn’t have Brad Pitt hair, give him a chance. If he has a 3 pack instead of Ryan Reynolds abs, give him a chance. If he has a decent job that is enough to pay the bills and spoil you instead of being the CEO of Google, give him a chance. If he ate dinner with the wrong fork instead of your right fork, give him a chance. If he doesn’t know the name of your boss but knows enough to massage your feet after a rough day at work, give him a chance. If you’re confused on whether he wants to be your friend or date you, just ask him, then give him a chance. If his favorite movie isn’t Love Actually but laughs just as much as you do at Wedding Crashers, give him a chance. If he isn’t wearing a light brown sports coat with a canary vest and a thin blue striped white button up but is the only guy trying to fucking talk to you in the bar tonight, give him a chance! I’m not saying to lower your standards, I’m saying lower your wall. I’m not saying to not look for what you want, I’m saying to stop looking for what you don’t want. Toss the list. Smile more. Relax. Talk to the guys who want to talk to you. Then I guarantee you will meet a real life special guy. I promise. Once again, thank me later.
Until next time. Always take it there.