T-pisode 74: Signature Drink

Every man should have a signature drink. Forget beer. Beer is beer. Everybody drinks it. You need to have your own mixed drink. A drink that your buddies know to order when it’s their round without asking you. A drink that your girl will make for you when you’re both having a bad day. A drink that your favorite bartender is already mixing for you as you approach the bar. Nothing fancy. It’s a “Something & Something”. But it’s your drink. Your pals don’t drink it. It’s YOUR signature drink. And you’re only allowed to change it every 4-5 years for only 5 times under the age of 40. That’s the rule. Why? Because I said so. Because after 40, you’re done anyways. Your ass should be home drinking beers while burping babies or drinking frozen fruity drinks that your wife keeps handing you to test before she drinks them for some reason. But until then, you must have a signature drink. Here’s the evolution of my signature drink.

First Signature Drink: Honcho Poncho & Vodka circa 1989
Yeah I know. Was I a baby when I started drinking? Close to it. I was close to a decade away from the legal drinking age. But T doesn’t follow regular man laws! Every Saturday morning my cousin’s mother would head to work and he’d call me up to come to his house and by 9AM our Saturday mayhem ritual had begun. It always started with what his mother had for alcohol under the kitchen sink. She never really drank it. When we did, we would just replace the booze with water once it was half empty. One Saturday my cousin pulled out a fruit juice called Honcho Poncho. The whole label was in Spanish. But it tasted good! We mixed in some vodka and drank. It was awesome. At that age, we thought it was awesome. What the hell did we know? We just knew we weren’t supposed to be drinking so we drank out of spite. Every Saturday. We would get our buzz on and then go cause mayhem at the local bowling alley where we were banned from the team league due to being too violent. Then go buy some baseball cards and trade them with old degenerate criminals hanging out in the card shop. Then get some pizza or subs before terrorizing other kids and local businesses. This went on every Saturday for like 3 years straight. At some point they stopped making Honcho Poncho. We both still look for it in supermarkets hoping it will return. But I guess Honcho Poncho & Vodka was my first signature drink.

Second Signature Drink: Bacardi Limon & Mountain Dew circa 1994
My second signature drink also came to be while boozing with my cousin. It was time for us to step up our drinking game because well, now I was driving. We could go to liquor stores! And in the city we lived in we managed to perfect the “Hey buddy”. This method is when you say “Hey buddy” to a nearby old degenerate looking to make a quick $20 when you ask him to go into the liquor store and buy you booze. So we would tell these degenerates to get us some “hard shit” and they would make an easy $20. One time a degenerate came out with Bacardi Limon. It was different. We went to the local White Hen and tried mixing it with everything in the store. But we found out that it went best with Mountain Dew. We found our new drink. This lasted into early college and led to many drunken crazy nights. And we drank this shit before it started to appear in any hip hop songs. Just for the record. Bacardi Limon & Mountain Dew. My second signature drink.

Third Signature Drink: Captain & Coke AKA Cuba Libre circa 1999
This was simple. I was now of drinking age and legally drinking at bars and clubs. Captain & Coke is pretty much every guy’s first legal age signature drink. Because it was well known and easy to order. Plus the club didn’t have any damn Bacardi Limon. So I just ordered a Captain & Coke. But then started calling it Cuba Libre just to mess with bartenders. Which was the same thing but with lime. Boom. My third signature drink and my first real man drink that I didn’t treat like a binge drink in hopes of getting black out drunk with some random slut in some random place.

Fourth Signature Drink: Tanqueray & Tonic AKA T & T circa 2003
Tanqueray & Tonic became my signature drink because of it’s name play. T & T. And I was T. I tried gin a few times before. But Tanqueray just looked and sounded fancy! So I ordered it in a lounge one time out with a chick. She asked if it was good. I said “Of course. This is my drink.” The gin was a deal closer. The name T & T was a perk. This was my true trademark signature drink.

Fifth and Final Signature Drink: Jack & Ginger circa 2008
In the Winter of 2008 I was just ending one hell of a great year. Business, money, health, writing, women, family and friends were all booming. BOOMING! Life was sweet. Everything I did was money. From 2006-2009 I was a beast. Couldn’t do no wrong. So I decided to try new things. One of them was a new drink. I tested at home. All different combos. Why? Because I’m a guy and guys do weird shit for no reason sometimes! I was never big on whiskey. And the T & T had worked fantastic for me. But I changed career paths, moved into town, changed a bunch of things for the better, so why not my drink? I mixed Jack Daniels with ginger ale. And it was like liquid candy. I stocked my bar. Ordered it everywhere I went. And true to form, in less than 3 months it became my signature drink. My James Bond martini. My final signature drink. Jack & Ginger. My boys. Women. Family. And the bartenders at my favorite spots all know it’s my drink. That’s how you do it. That’s how you should do it.

If you don’t have a signature drink. Get one. It says something about who you are. It shows class. A sense of wisdom. Like you earned it. It helps tell your story. If all you drink is “Whatever’s on tap” or “I’ll get what you’re drinking”. You’re not a man who has lived. Step up your drinking game. Get a signature drink. But it can’t be a Jack & Ginger. Because now the whole world knows that’s T’s signature drink.

What’s your “Signature Drink”? I want to know! Ladies too! Reply here on the site or on Facebook or Tweet me. I’ll answer. Because I always have something to say!

Until next time. Always take it there.

T