T-pisode 88: T Does Poughkeepsie in 3 Paragraphs

*I’ve decided to do a series of blog posts that capture my travels throughout my life. In 3 paragraphs. I’ll post them every once in a while. Some places I’ve been to a few times, others only once. And some I will probably never go back to because of what went down there.

If you’re from Poughkeepsie you may not want to read this “T Does City in 3 Paragraphs.” I’m serious. Ok. I warned you. I fucking hate Poughkeepsie. It is the taint of America. THE TAINT!!! The ass ball connector! It is horrible. I’ve been to Po-Town once in my life and I will never, ever go back. Now some people have their stereotypical opinions on why they think Poughkeepsie sucks. Not me. I have a legit beef with that fucking place. It’s personal. It’s ugly. And it’s time I tell the story right here on t-blawg. Most of my friends know this story. Because they laugh because they know me. Now years later I can laugh. But it took me over 3 years to get over what transpired there.

Enter November 2007. A good friend of mine moved back home to Poughkeepsie. She’s a really close friend. A member of my bullpen. She would always come back to Boston to visit so I figured I should visit her there. Plus I wanted to see her life there. I left work at 7PM on a Friday night. Shot to the store to pick up a nice new button up. Was on the Mass Pike by 8:30. After 3 & ½ hours of driving by myself and pumping red bull I finally got to her house. She and her roommate greeted me with wine. We killed that quick. Then we went to the only damn club in the whole town. I will not even give that place any publicity on my blog. Let’s call it “Fuckface.” The bartender was smoking hot and loved my Boston attitude. We hit it off. She gave me drinks. All the while this town unbeknownst to me, was apparently an Albanian mafia heavy town. That’s cool yo. I like everybody. Until there is a problem. So some Albanians in “Fuckface” didn’t like that the hottie Albanian bartender liked me. And I guess some of the Albanian chicks there were grilling me and their dudes didn’t like that either. So I kept drinking. “Fuckface” closes earlier than most spots and everybody left. I go to grab my expensive jacket in an empty coat check and it’s gone. This was a problem.

I’m from East Boston. Growing up, people would beat your ass and take your coat, hat and sneakers all the time. Well I never let that happen to me as a kid. So as an adult that shit was not going to happen to me in this hillbilly town in this club “Fuckface.” I went nuts. The cops came. They questioned people who worked at “Fuckface.” Nothing. They played video footage back. Nothing. And no coat room video camera either. So now everybody from “Fuckface” said to try the bar next door because the degenerates from this club may have stolen my jacket and went over there to finish the night. Cops told me not to, I did anyways. I looked around. My coat wasn’t there. I’m so drunk at this point I don’t even remember what the Albanian dudes from “Fuckface” look like. So after the police leave, hey fuck the police, I take the prison approach. Which is “Go after the biggest dog in the yard and beat his ass to set an example.” Hey I was drunk and angry. I know. And stupid. So, I go up to the biggest Albanian in there, shove my forearm into his throat and slam him against the wall demanding my jacket. Ten bouncers pull me out of there. I get on the phone to some old school Boston buddies and tell them to drive to Po-Town so we can blow this town up. My cousin told me to calm down and to be careful of the Albanian mafia. What?! He said I could get into some shit and I was far from Boston. Nobody told me about this before I decided to come to Poughkeepsie. I really wish somebody did. My friend and her brother took me to my first real diner and calmed me down. I went back to “Fuckface” the next day and scared the owner a bit. He cut a check for my coat. It wasn’t about the money. It was the principle. That was the last time the old me ever showed his face again. Thank God. I apologized to my friend. Spent the next night freezing my ass off without a coat and then went back home to Boston the next day. I vowed to never go back to Poughkeepsie again. I fucking hate Poughkeepsie. But I love Boston the most.

What do you think of this “T Does Some City”??? Definitely a negative review but look what happened! Have you ever been to Po-Town? What was your experience? And were you aware of the Albanian mafia??? I want to know! Here or on the Facebook page or tweet me on Twitter.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T