If you’ve read some of my “T Does ‘Insert City Here’ in 3 paragraphs” T-pisodes then you know ol’ T here has been around the world and he has been playa hated. I don’t know when, I don’t know why they want me faded. Is it the ladies? Or…Sorry. Had Biggie & Puff stuck in my head there. Anyway, I’ve been to a few cities, countries & vacation destinations in my day. Yes I actually leave Boston every once in a while. So I thought it was time to share what I’ve learned about vacationing and traveling. Because there are rules to follow when you go on vacation bro. About what a guy does, should do, experience and learn when on vacation. I think it’s about time that I unleash the “Bro Vacation Code” on the world!!! Here we go!
Thou Shall Eat
You’re on vacation. You can and will eat whatever the hell you want. You’re a man. A man who is on his damn vacation. Let every restaurant in a 10 mile radius know it.
Thou Shall Get His Ass To Thy Gym
Now that you ate your weight in Carnival Cruise buffet food, you have to get your ass to the gym fatty! Girly bros hit the gym on vacation to look good. Manly bros hit the gym so they can eat more food on vacation!
There Shall Be Booze
Bottom line? You should spend 99% of your vacation drunk. No excuses bro.
How Ye Rolleth On Thy Plane
I saved a chick’s life on a plane once. True story. Andrea from “Beverly Hills 90210” was there and can vouch for me. Any other bro should just spend his time prepping for an epic vacation or recovering from an epic vacation on the airplane. Pack some snacks and sleep bro. Maybe get a chick to touch your winky under the blanket if possible.
Thou Hotel And Thy Temporary Living Arrangements
A hotel only has 3 purposes for a bro. One…to keep yo’ shit while you’re on vacation. Two…to wash yo’ ass while on vacation. And three…so yo’ ass can power nap in between sex sessions. That’s it. Doesn’t matter if it’s a 5 star palatial palace or the hotel motel Holiday Inn. They all serve the bro 3 purposes.
A vacation without women is like going to Vegas and not getting steak & eggs drunk at 4AM. Impossible. Road ass, vacation ass, whatever ass! It’s vacation and you WILL get laid bro!
Thou Manly Packing & Luggageth
Bros don’t over pack. Bros don’t do the “big” suitcase. Bros don’t check in luggage. You pack the basic essentials into your 2 friggin’ maximum allowed carry-on bags whether you are going away for just 4 days or for 2 weeks or you turn in your fucking man card!
Thy National Adventures
Try to see every major city in the country bro. Start with Boston, LA, NYC, Vegas, Miami, Philly & Chicago. Do it all without regret. Do it all before you get married. Thank me later.
Thy International Adventures
See the world. With a chick. With your boys. With your family. Solo. Just see the world. See how other bros live. It’s amazing. I’m conquering Europe currently and this Boston guy has been a much better man since. Get some culture dude. Create some international incidents if possible too.
With Ye’s Boys
These trips are epic in college and in your 20s. Enjoy these moments before your asses get old and settle down. These are the trips that get you beat up and thrown in jail while loving every moment of it. A lifetime bond is established with whatever bros you went on vacation with. DO IT.
With Ye Lady Friend
Bring sand to the beach? You can. Just make sure you’ve been together for a while because traveling as a couple can put stress on you both that you never saw coming. So much so that the girl will bug the fuck out the entire time and make you want to push her off the fucking Eiffel Tower! Do the weekend getaways early on while dating bro until you get to know how you both travel before doing a vacation that is a week or more. Trust T.
Thy Touristy Shit
This is entirely up to you bro. It’s your vacation. If you can put up with all the annoying tourists being corny and the crowded cheesiness of the popular tourist traps then go ahead. But make sure to go off the beaten path and leave your personal stamp on the places lesser bros fear to venture out on while on vacation. Again, you’re a man. Leave your mark.
Witheth A Group O’ Ye’s Friends
We’re talking both bros & chicks here. And this can be pretty awesome in increments but can become a pain in the ass when 8 different people have 8 different agendas. Be very selective of the people you go on vacation with bro or else you might find yourself trying to jump off that cruise ship like Kate Winslet in Titanic.
With Ye’s Family
Do it. Do it with the little ones and the old ones in your family bro. Enjoy some time with your family’s past and your family’s future. The vacation destination doesn’t matter one single bit here. Only your family does. You’re no longer a bro here either my dude. Here you are just a son, a brother, a cousin, an uncle.
Thou Shall Roll Solo Yo
Remember, when you go on vacation as a lone wolf no one will ever know about all the rabbits you murdered and ate but you bro. Boom.
Knoweth Thy Local Language
Talk and smile. Even if you can’t speak the local language fluently you are obviously happy to be there by doing this. And people will notice. Talking and smiling will get you food, fun and sex. It is the international language of love bro. BE that guy.
I don’t give a shit how many you take. I don’t give a shit if you share every single one of them on your Facebook & Instagram like a chick. I don’t care if most of them are porn of you and your girl because you never left the hotel and banged through your entire vacation. Just take photos. Whether you’re a dork with a high end camera or a typical bro with his iPhone, take some pics. Keep them bro. Even if she’s no longer with you. Even if you’re no longer bros with that bro. Even if it was the vacation from hell. Those photos are moments of your life captured forever during a time when you were sewing oats, making mistakes, living free and growing up. Once again, thank me later bro.
So there you have it. Another Bro Code chapter is in the books. Bet you didn’t even know there was a Bro Code for friggin’ going on vacation bro?! Well now you know. So get on Expedia and book that vacation right now. Then make sure you take this with you and have the best fucking vacation of your life. Then get home and immediately start planning your next one.
Until next time. Always take it there.