I’m supposed to be married with kids at this point. That’s how it’s supposed to go. Instead, I’m as single as one man could be. Most people who are already married with kids? They’re divorced. On the brink of divorce. On their second marriage. In couples therapy. Taking separate vacations. Living apart. Contemplating affairs. Having affairs. Blaming each other. Quitting each other. Blaming their kids. Blaming Facebook. I think most of the judgments on my life have stopped a while ago because most of them are more guilty and more messed up when it comes to relationships than the single guy who can’t get it right. But I have my life in order. My house in order. Everything is good. I’m in my proverbial prime supposedly. Some say I’m only missing that one piece to the puzzle. Them? Their once complete puzzle that took a great deal of time to put together is destroyed and a thousand pieces are scattered across their coffee table and living room floor. I’m supposed to be married with kids at this point.
For years we’re taught that you grow up, meet someone, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. Almost every movie, book, song, TV show and Hallmark card preaches that. But in reality? It’s not even close. Here I am, for years, I allowed people to think that I just can’t get that one thing right. I just can’t seem to get into a serious enough relationship. I just can’t find the one. I can’t love the ones that love me. The ones I like don’t like me. I’m never getting married. I’m never going to have kids. But that isn’t the case. While doing all of this I lived a great life. While all of this was happening I watched marriages, families, lives crumple down around me. Who am I to judge? Even though I’ve been judged. Countless times. I feel bad now. Not for me, but for them. Because I’ve stated over and over that I’m just living life to the fullest. Taking the world in. Sewing my oats! I feel guilty now. So many times I’ve heard “You’re living the life man. Doing what you want. Stay single. Never get married. It sucks.” Part of me bought into it. But I was wrong. They were wrong. The same way I give my single life it’s all, is the same way you’re supposed to give your marriage it’s all. Your kids it’s all. Your family it’s all. You quit. He quit. She quit. You gave into temptation. You went backwards instead of forwards. There aren’t any oats left to be sewn once you say “Will you marry me?” and “I do.” That’s on you. That much I know. If the single guy makes a mistake, falls on his ass, he is the only one who gets hurt. No one else. His mistakes are his to make. His to pay for. His lessons to learn. You’re married with a lot more on the line. Me? I’m supposed to be married with kids at this point.
I’m no relationship advice columnist. I’m T and I’m no better than anyone else. I’m not pointing my fingers at you like you all used to point them at me. I’m just pointing out the things you should already know. See them over there? Well maybe you can’t see them anymore. The way I fight for success. For my health. For my future. For my life. It’s the same way you’re supposed to fight for your marriage. Right? Wake up. The grass is never greener. No one is perfect. Soul mates do not exist. Hollywood sold us a lie. There is no fairytale. There is no getting it right. Whether you are single or married. You just have to find a way to make it work with someone else that wants to make it work with you. I can go on and on about how much I love my life but it doesn’t mean a damn thing if I don’t believe it. You can tell me how bad your marriage is. You can tell me how great your marriage is. But you’re the one who is supposed to believe it. Not me. I don’t want to be like any of you. That’s not who I am. You should not want to be like me either. Because I’m supposed to be married with kids at this point. Right?
Until next time. Always take it there.