Guys love movies. We love going to the movies. We love watching them at home. We love thinking our lives are one big movie. And most of all we love quoting movies. We can find a movie that applies to any life situation. ANY! It’s how we roll. And ol’ T over here is more “movie” than the average guy. You all know my love for movies by now and how I write them and try to get them made. I can break down a movie better than anyone. I can turn on a switch and watch a movie as a fan or as a movie maker. It’s both a gift and a curse. But I love movies. So I figured it was about time to turn my love for movies that I share with most of my fellow bros into a Bro Code chapter. So without further ado, I present the Bro Movie Code. Get your popcorn ready. Pun intended.
Going To the Movies
The one true way to watch a movie is at the movies bro. You can’t beat the experience. The big screen. The great sound. The snacks. And enjoying 2 hours with 200 other strangers while taking a break from your everyday life. Go to the movies bro. With a chick. With pals. By yourself. It’s an escape from realism and we all need a short break from life now and then. I don’t trust bros who don’t like going to the movies.
Staying At Home Movie Watchin’
Sure this isn’t the same experience as going to the movies but being in your place watching a flick is the most comfortable movie watching possible. You know your couch is for sports watching, TV watching and movie watching. That’s why you bought it bro. And nothing beats watching a flick at home with a beautiful lady. Nothing.
Which Rocky Number? Who Did He Fight In That One, Bro???
Let’s not bullshit, bro. We men only use Roman numerals that we learned in elementary school to keep track of all the Rocky movies! “Was it Rocky I or Rocky II?!” “He didn’t win the belt in Rocky I, I’m telling you.” “He fought the Russian in Rocky IV dude!!!” “Rocky V is on cable right now. It’s the sucky one with his pussy son, but I’m watching it bro.”
If you haven’t seen ALL of the following: Godfather 1 & 2; Casino; A Bronx Tale; Goodfellas; The Departed; and Donnie Brasco then turn in your man card, bro. And…
Godfather 3 Don’t Count!
NO it doesn’t!!! It is a fucking disgrace to Godfather 1 & 2! I can’t even talk about it. You shouldn’t either.
The Regular TV vs DVD/Cable vs At the Theater Debate
There is nothing worse than watching your favorite movie on regular TV. Nothing! At the movies is the best. On DVD/cable is like a mini movie at home. Then there is regular cable where they shorten the movie, water down the violence, take out the sex and swears like “motherfucker” are now “mother lover.” Try watching Scarface on regular TV bro. It sucks. Be a real man and DO NOT watch your favorite flick on regular TV. Fight the power!
Skip That Seat, Bro
Two bros CANNOT sit next to each other at the movies. If the theater is packed and there are only two seats left next to each other then you have to go see another movie bro. Sorry.
Dinner and a Movie Date
This is the All-American date. But save this shit for later in the dating stage dude. Get to know her before you spend two hours alone in the dark without being able to say a word. This is rookie dating shit. But at home? Pizza and a flick? That leads to straight sex. Also do not bust this out early in the dating stage or that potential girlfriend WILL become a booty call bro.
Fight this as long as possible. Try to see any other movie with her. Fight, fight and fight until you can no longer fight! Then just tuck your skirt in and take her to see the damn chick flick dude. Chicks love chick flicks. Chick is in the damn name for a reason.
Group Movie Watchin’
Choose wisely who you go to the movies with. Whether with just bros or double & triple dates. There’s always a talker. There’s always a snack moocher. There’s always an elbow bumper. There’s always a bathroom goer. Know your group first!
Your TV Sucks, Dude
If your bro has a small ass, old ass or a shitty ass TV, you CAN and WILL let him know how much it truly sucks by continuously busting his balls about it until said bro buys a worthy TV. No fucks given. End of that story.
The Battle of THE Holy Trilogies
There are only two movie trilogies that are recognized, respected, loved and have their greatness argued about by all bros around the world. Star Wars vs Lord of the Rings. It doesn’t matter which side you fight for, just be ready for the fucking fight of your life bro.
Pacino And De Niro
The two greatest actors of all time. Doesn’t matter if their current movies suck ass. Their combined early work made them movie legends. That was enough. Respect these two great Italian-American actors or end up sleeping with the fishes.
Did You Even See The Original, Bro?!
If you like any reboot, sequel or remake better than the original you WILL have your fucking man card revoked on the spot.
If you haven’t seen ALL of the following: Scarface; New Jack City; Boyz In The Hood; Menace II Society; Juice; and Carlito’s Way then you once again have to turn in your man card, bro.
Bros Be Quotin’
You must quote a movie once a day and apply it to a real life situation at the office, at home, at the gym, at the bar, on a date or just plain talking to yourself. It’s what we do. Bros quote movies ALL THE TIME.
Bros CAN Judge Other Bros on Their DVD Collection
When you go over to another bro’s house for the first time you do the following: Size up his entertainment center; Ask how many cable channels he has; What kind of computer he uses; Overall compare his quality of living to your quality of living; Let him know what shit is cool and how you either already have that shit or plan to get that shit immediately; and finally, completely judge his ass based on his DVD collection. The amount of awesome movies, classic movies and box sets in his DVD collection WILL absolutely decide how cool of a bro he really is and if you should or should not continue your broship.
Vince Vaughn Is The Ultimate Movie Bro, Bro
There is one man and one man only who deserves the “Ultimate Movie Bro” title and that man is Vince Vaughn. No man on the planet has given us bros so much to laugh at and so many movie lines to quote more than this great man. Swingers, Made, Old School, Dodgeball, Wedding Crashers are all deeply ingrained into every bros vernacular and he single-handedly changed the way every bro speaks. Thank you Vince Vaughn. You still got these big fucking claws and fangs, man.
So there you have it! The Bro Movie Code has been written and so it shall be respected. Everything every dude needs to know about movies and why they mean so much to all us stupid guys. Someone had to put this into words to make sure it lives on for all mankind for future manly generations. There is nothing as unimportant but triggers the most emotion and passion out of men next to sports, women or money than movies. Nothing. And now you know why. Again, thank me later.
Until next time. Always take it there.