T-pisode 113: T’s Twitter Rules

I think it’s pretty well known that T loves the social media by now no? I mean if you follow me on Twitter (ahem @tblawg) then you know that I love a tweetin’! Remember my “Most Awesome #Twitter Chicks” List? Those ladies are still the best. And I’m definitely going to do a part 2 soon. Don’t you people worry! So it’s safe to say that I dig Twitter. I do. I tweet funny stuff. Offensive stuff. Angry stuff. Flirty stuff. AWESOME stuff. That’s what Twitter is for. Just like T-blawg itself. To entertain people. And to network. But mostly to not take things so serious! I’ve been on Twitter for a little while now and my time spent on it has allowed me to notice some things. To learn some shit. Come to some conclusions. There are certain things you should do and should not do on Twitter! So I made another T list. About those things. Are you ready??? Here are my Twitter rules people. Enjoy.

 

DO NOT kiss ass.
Networking is ok. But kissing the ass of strangers is just pathetic. “Oh great tweet. LOLs. winky face. Hashtag youdabest.” Come on!!!

DO post hot pics.
Only if you’re a chick of course. That goes without saying.

DO NOT be fake.
Especially if people know the real you off of Twitter! You just look like a clown to your real life friends.

DO NOT post pics of boyfriends.
Us guys live in a social media fantasy world where we think we can get any girl. We don’t want to see your damn boyfriend. Thank you.

DO retweet the funny!
Whether you think it’s funny or think it’s offensively funny, just retweet it. Who cares. It’s your twitter. Let people know how you roll and that you’re a borderline lunatic.

DO flirt.
It’s ok. No one is going to die.

DO NOT be a stalker.
It’s not ok. Someone is going to die.

DO NOT retweet your horoscope!
I’m a Leo. You’re not. Do you give a shit about what might happen to me today because some asshole tweeted a made up prediction? No?! Exactly. Cut the shit!

DO NOT beg celebrities to tweet or follow you.
I actually think that celebrities should be following all of us because we make their asses rich and famous. But don’t beg them to follow you. Fuck them.

DO try to embarrass and fight celebrities.
I have legit Twitter beefs with Ochocinco. Lebron James. Spike Lee. Pretty much all the Kardashians. Even Kanye West and I’m a fan of his! But if a celebrity is going to be a douche on twitter then you have the responsibility to call them out on it for the entire world to see! Knock them off the pedestal we put them on. It’s fun!

DO NOT post every single fucking pic you take.
Your food? No one gives a shit. Your pet? No one gives a shit. Your car? No one gives a shit. Your bottle of booze? No one gives a shit. See where I’m going with this? Oh. No one gives a shit. Ok fine.

DO post reverse self portrait booty mirror pics.
They. Never. Get. Old.

DO NOT auto DM people!
A generic “Thank you for following me. Check out my site here.” Gets you a more than generic “Go fuck yourself!” Followed by a block.

DO DM people if you’re single and horny.
Why not? The shit that goes down on Twitter after 2AM??? Better than late night Facebook messaging in it’s prime. For reals.

DO NOT try to drop worldly knowledge on people every damn day.
Your life may be awesome in your eyes and you may know some shit. But sharing what you think is advice in about 30 tweets a day just makes you look like a tool. #StopIt.

DO NOT retweet Drake!
That is all.

DO NOT brag about how many followers you have.
So what. You have like 3 friends in real life. And your mom is one of them.

DO NOT tweet every damn Foursquare check in!!!
Who cares if you’re at your stupid job!!! You’re supposed to go to work! Whatchya want? A cookie?!

DO tweet people if you decided to follow them you jerk!
I don’t know why you’d follow someone and never tweet them. What’s the point? Even a simple “What up?” or “You’re ridiculously funny, intelligent and sexy.” every now and then lets me know I’m doing my twitter job.

DO NOT tweet or retweet fake celebrity accounts either.
It clearly says in Megan Fox’s bio that “This is a parody account” honey! Stop retweeting her. She isn’t that smart. It’s not even her! It’s some 50 year-old dude living in his mom’s basement.

DO retweet any angry, drunk or insane movie and comic book character.
Drunk Hulk. Angry Batman. Funny Darth Vader. Kid hating Professor Snape. Those accounts are fucking comedy gold people!

DO NOT hashtag every damn word!
#That #shit #is #so #damn #annoying #you #son #of #a #bitch #bastard!

DO make up your own random hashtags.
#Thatfishcray

DO NOT tweet about how you can’t sleep.
No one gives a flying fuck. Because we’re all sleeping!

DO NOT post anonymous garbage that only you know is an inside joke!
Shit like “That just happened!” What just happened??? And “Laughing so hard right now!” Why are you laughing?! That stuff is so stupid. You’re stupid. I just unfollowed you.

DO follow me.
I mean seriously. This list alone says I’m like a twitter beast that entertains the world! Why aren’t you following?!

 

So there you have it. There are rules to Twitter people! Now you know. So lets all learn from this and make Twitter a better place or else it will become the next Myspace. I should know. I was a terror and a crazy playa in the prime of Myspace and I may have been the main reason behind its downfall. I’m not sure. But I can’t let the same happen to Twitter! These rules need to be implemented immediately! Thank you.

 

Until next time. Always take it there.

T

 

 

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