I honestly didn’t know if I was going to do my annual Valentine’s Day Sucks T-pisode. A lot of people wanted me to do it. A lot of people expected me to do it. But I’m not going to lie. A part of me was really hoping I wouldn’t have to do it this year. Seriously. Why? Well let me give you my reasons here people. My stance on the ass backwards romanticism of it remains unchanged. My whole treating that special someone special even when it’s not February 14th stays the same. My hatred for all things Hallmark and unoriginal cheeseality (I just wrote that. Steal it and I sue!) remains as strong as ever. But I really swung for the fences this year. If you’ve come to T-blawg over the past few months you can see my stories on dating and recent life events. My tone on the site changed. I was a little pissy. I know. My B. But that’s how I was feeling after I dated the good stuff to no avail. I didn’t want to be in a relationship for Valentine’s Day. I was just hoping to not be in one of my usual “T situations.” So you know what? This year? I’m taking my ass out of the Valentine’s Day equation altogether!
That’s right. Since I struck out with all those so-called “better quality dating potential women” recently, I am taking myself out the game for this year. A Valentine’s without T!!! No dating. No booty calling. No young drama showing up on my doorstep. No casual first date with a stripper witch. No going out with the bros to pull some tail. No anti-Valentine’s Day bar or club event in Boston. NOTHING! T is sitting on the bench this year! Not going in coach! I honestly don’t have the heart or the stomach to put myself into any of my familiar “T situations” anymore. Especially not now. I’ve been through the ringer and I have other priorities in my life that need my attention. So bring in the scrubs. The scabs. The douchebags. The second and third rate men that most women seem to settle for these days. Because this intelligent, funny, successful, handsome, accomplished, ambitious, sometimes brutally offensive son of a bitch is out the game. Permanently? Oh hell no! Are you high?! Just for 2/14/12 and the days surrounding it. Not only am I taking myself out the game this Valentine’s Day but I am taking my ass out of Boston! Come this Thursday I am boarding a plane to California and taking my talents to Los motherfuckin’ Angeles and Newport Beach! Where women looove east coast guys! I need to recharge my batteries around non-Boston women. I really do. I love my Boston women but I need a break. You all busted my balls and beat my head in with a sack of doorknobs this year.
Just so you all know, dating these “better women” over the last year made me clean out my chick net. All the “T potential” hotties have been depleted! Recently though I have had opportunities to put some back in whom would be good “T situation” Valentine’s Day candidates. But I don’t think I want to you know? I want to avoid the ones that help bring back my old habits and the good ones deserve a good Valentine’s Day date. I don’t want to disappoint them. So I’m letting them be. Because you really should want to go out with someone on Valentine’s Day. With someone that will enjoy the day and all it’s cheeseality with you. To be fair, I’m not that guy this year. Good women and good guys all deserve someone on Valentine’s Day. On every holiday. On every day. Married. Single. In a relationship. Just dating. It doesn’t matter. But I don’t feel like I deserve one this year because I don’t have it in me. I hope everyone gets what they want out of this Valentine’s Day. I really do. All I want for myself is to stay out of it. Just to go out to Cali and enjoy myself. That’s my giant box of chocolate. My romantic dinner out in Boston. My rose petals leading to the bedroom. Because you can have all that stuff this Valentine’s Day. Yep. You sure can. But you can’t have T.
Until next time. Always take it there.
Did you like this T-pisode? Then you must like comedy, originality, cool lists, real talk, sports, dating, women and awesomeness? So why aren’t you liking T-blawg on Facebook and following on Twitter? Show that you are awesome and click the “Like” & “Follow” buttons in the blue bar to the left!