T-pisode 117: Bringing it Back!

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I wore my overalls with one strap down too. Sometimes both down! That's right.

I’ve been told a bunch of times that I have a way with words. That I speak my own language. There was “Shit T Says” before “Shit Anyone Says” became popular! And then quickly became awful. Enough “Shit Someone Says” people! Some say I’m stubborn and say whatever I want. This is true. I’m also from Boston so that’s how I roll. But I’m here today to talk about words…sayings…basically cool shit that all us 90s kids grew up on. Today in this T-pisode, I’m bringing it back. Bringing it all back!!! T style of course. What the hell am I talking about? I’m talking about the top 13 1990s sayings that I used back in the day and will start using again effective immediately! And you should too. Here we go!

I was in the 7th grade when I first heard wolfin’. Some kid in our class didn’t get a haircut in a while and some other kid said “Damn. You’re wolfin’!” Wolfin’ basically meant your ass needed a haircut. Today I’ll throw it around when I don’t shave. When someone says to me “You need to shave.” I’ll just look at them and say “I know. I’m really wolfin’ son.”

Po-Po be trippin’
This was a 90s saying for when the police were straight buggin’! And they bugged a lot apparently in the 90s. I’m not sure. But I guess they did. When the police were hassling you a lot…at recess I guess, you would say “Po-Po be trippin’.” Today I’ll say it when my manager at the office is busting some T balls. “We need this report finished ASAP!” I’ll walk out of the meeting saying “ASAP?! Po-Po be trippin’!!! I got other shit to do.”

Word to yo’ mother
Don’t lie. When Vanilla Ice was cool we were all saying this. Don’t deny it. He was cool. For like 5 minutes. All us white boys moved and talked like Vanilla! Shit was awesome! For some reason Vanilla would say “Word to yo’ mother.” Which is like “Say hi to your mother for me.” I guess. Today I’ll say it when I break up with a chick. “We’re done. This isn’t going anywhere. And word to yo’ mother.” Then I’ll give her the deuces! Her ass will be so owned.

Back in the day if you wore two or more major brands at the same time you were called a “perpetrator.” If you wore let’s say Nike sneakers with a British Knights jumpsuit and an Adidas jacket you got punched in the face. Because you were clearly straight perpetratin’ and deserved it! Today I still punch people in the face for perpetratin’. It is unacceptable.

Went house!
Going house was awesome! At gym class playing basketball, “Did you see what I did on the court?! I went house!!!” At a middle school dance, “Did you see me turn that running man into a Roger Rabbit?! I went house!!!” Going house meant you did something amazing. But only in your eyes. Today after I finish my workouts at the gym I’m going to walk up to the first dude I see in the locker room and be all like “Did you see me workout?! I went house!!!” Scare the fucking shit out of him.

A bozack was your dick. What?! It was! A bunch of little 12 year-old boys saying “Bite the bozack.” “She sucked my bozack.” “I whipped out my bozack.” “I gave her the bozack.” Thinking about it now as a grown man makes me realize that all these kids were a bunch of fucking liars. All they really did was piss with their bozacks at the age of 12. Seriously? Today I’ll use all of those same sayings and I’ll actually be telling the truth!

Page me
We didn’t have cell phones in the early 90s. We had pagers. Beepers. To communicate there wasn’t any texting. We all had pagers. We all looked like drug dealers. When you wanted a chick to get in touch with you, you would say “Page me.” And she would. She would page you shit like “411.” She wanted info. Usually stupid info. “911.” It was an emergency. But it never was. “143.” I loved you. But she didn’t. So you would drive around like a maniac looking for a pay phone to call her and all your friends because they kept fucking paging you. It was insane!!! Where the fuck was Steve Jobs and the iPhone back then?! Today I’m just going to tell chicks “I don’t text. Page me. If I can’t find a pay phone, that means I don’t really like you.”

Dip meant you were leaving. “Where did T go? Did he dip?” Yes. I would always dip. I still dip without giving notice. I do what I want! I even still do Da Dip dance!

In the 90s mailmen were pissed. They hated their jobs. So they would go into work…post offices and shoot up the place! Mad people were killed in post offices in the 90s! Shit was no joke. Except when it became a joke. People starting saying “I’m about to go postal!” when they were pissed. And that meant they were about to shoot some people. Crazy right? Today I’m going to say “I’m about to go postal!” when I’m in a post office just to see if that saying still holds up.

Oh snap!
This never went away for me. I say “Oh snap!” about 17 times a day. I love it. It doesn’t even have a meaning anymore. You can say it with anything. “Did you get the milk?” “Oh snap!”

Boys had bozacks. Girls had punanis. It was that simple. Figure it out. Today I’ll say “Bro. She had that nasty punani stank! So I dipped the fuck out of there!”

Snaps on the petro
In the 90s there were a lot of coming of age black teenage movies. Kids went to see these movies in theaters and 9 out of 10 times someone got shot or stabbed. For reals. One of those movies was “Menace II Society.” Great flick. There is a scene when they go to get gas and the dude driving says to the rest of his crew “You got snaps on the petro?” He was asking them for gas money. I just so happened to get my license around that time and I too would ask my boys “You got snaps on the petro?” because I drove all the fucking time. And most of these dudes were broke as shit. So when they had no snaps on the petro I would kick them out and leave them on the side of the road wherever the hell we were. Seriously. I was an asshole. Today I’ll use it when a date is going shitty. “Hey you. You got snaps on the petro? No? GET OUT!” And peel away.

When someone was funny looking but not quite ugly they were considered to be “fugly.” Funny ugly. “Was she hot?” “No. She was fugly. But I still dry humped her with our clothes on.” “Nice!” Today there are still a lot of fugly people in the world. Leave them alone. They know they’re fugly.

So there you have it! Some of the most awesome 90s sayings explained, brought back and ready to use again. Now don’t be afraid to bring back some of your own 90s sayings as well. The 90s were one hell of a decade and should always be remembered and glorified. Now excuse me. Some chick just paged me “BOOBIES.” She’s about to get the bozack. Oh snap!

Until next time. Always take it there.


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