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As I continue my “Bro Code” series I like to make sure it is applicable to all aspects of a man’s life. And I even want women to appreciate what I’m trying to do with the “Bro Code” series on this site. They are my views of course but I try to make them universal. Whether I succeed or not is another matter entirely. Again, this site is strictly for entertainment and with that being said T-blawg is also tied to social media. I’m all over the interwebs people! As T from T-blawg and for my own personal shit. Social media is now a way of life for us all. Business. Networking. Day to day. Pleasure. But “Bro Code” still applies! Even in social media one must follow the Bro Code. But each part of social media has it’s own important rules. I’m laying it out for the “big gun” social media sites by hitting up the major rules one should follow. Are you ready??? I present “The Bro Social Media Code.”
Thou Shall Not Complain About The Mundane!
This is a given. This is the main reason I shut down my personal Facebook. Everyone is a complainer. Women tend to complain more. Sorry but this is true ladies. Your job, boss, traffic, the weather, the gym….all mundane shit that we all have to deal with. Shut up! And if you’re a man who only goes on to Facebook to complain then you are not a real man. Try being funny. Original. Or get off that shit altogether bro. Tuck your skirt in.
No Fucks Shall Be Given About Thy Food, Children or Pets!
No one cares. Seriously. We all eat like 3 times a day so we know what food looks like. We’ve all seen kids before. I mean they’re everywhere. And until a dog or a cat can get up on it’s back legs and make itself coffee and carry a conversation in people talk, you’re not showing me anything new dude. Stop it.
Ye Couple Profile Pics Make Ye A Huge DOUCHE!
Ohhhh you’re one person with two heads now?! Amazing! But I think we all already knew that when you gave up your own personal identity when the two of you fucking got together and stopped hanging out with all your friends bro & broette! Stop being so douchey!
All Shall Over Share With Thy Total Stranger!
This is totally acceptable!!! All that crazy shit going on in your messed up brain that you’re afraid to say to the people you actually know on Facebook, you can say on Twitter bro! Especially since no one in your personal life is even fucking on there. Go nuts! Be the man you oh so want to be again!
If Ye DMs, Ye Is Down To Fucketh!
Yep. Guy or girl. The first person to send a DM wants to fuck. So don’t open that can of worms if you can’t handle the shit storm dude. Because believe T, the shit storm will come. Oh yes it will.
Thou Shall Never Mention One’s Significant Other!
NO!!!! Keep the fantasy going on both ends! We’ll never meet. No one cares about each other’s stupid couple shit on Twitter. Just act single and we can flirt like silly little assholes all day long! No harm. No foul. Until the DMing starts. No you’re fucked bro. Literally and figuratively.
Foursquare
Thou Shall Not Blow Up Thy Boy’s Spot!
If you’re going to get involved with the Foursquare game then you must make sure you check-in with each of your boys before you actually “check-in.” That means if you’re single and you’re only checking in to let chicks know where you are then you must let your boys know because they might not want to be there. With you. On paper. Especially if their girlfriends can see your check-ins. And especially if you’re checking in at the local strip club. See what I’m saying? Respect.
Ye Will Not Check-In To One’s Work Every Single Fucking Dayeth!
You’re supposed to go to work everyday bro! Why the fuck are you checking in??? It’s not like elementary school when your teacher takes attendance at the beginning of the day and says “Little Jimmy?” And you’re all like “Here!” You fucking dope. Enough!
Does Ye Bro Know He Is Really Not Thy True Mayor???
Really? You think you’re the mayor of fucking Starbucks now bro. Really? And this does what for you in life? Please. I want to know. Even dirty hipsters and college chicks are laughing at you. You are the mayor of nothing. NOTHING! And stick your badges up your ass while you’re at it! I’m sorry. Not really. Just stop it already will you?
LinkedIn
All Of This Shit Should Only Be On Ye He’s Resume!
This is your online resume bro. Do you really want 5000 strangers seeing your entire work history? And your entire network on there? Especially exposing that little white lie and that really big fucking lie from 2006 like that?! Be careful bro. Slow…your…roll on LinkedIn.
We Share Common Interests, But I Do Not Knoweth You Bro!
Yeah. I don’t know you my dude. We have nothing in common. Never worked together. No common interests. No shared groups. This isn’t Twitter. Stop bothering me. You’re scaring me. Stalk me elsewhere on the internet. I’m professional on this one. Thanks.
Google+
Do Thy People Really Know Google+ Existeth???
We all joined yes. But if you’re actually on here using Google+ then I’m coming to your house now and taking your computer away from you. A true bro doesn’t use Google+. I don’t know why. Nobody does. Just accept it!!!
Instagram
Only Thou Hot And Funny Matter!
Nothing else. If you’re a hot chick just keep posting your hot chick pics and us guys will keep liking the shit out of them! If you’re a funny dude just continue being funny even in photo form. Nothing else matters on Instagram. Nothing.
Thou Is Not A Fucking Professional Photographer!!!
It’s fucking a photo site with Photoshop filters! You’re not a real photographer!!! Relax.
Tumblr
Ye Place Is For The Weird And Pornography Only!
Tumblr is the bastard step-child of the internet bro. You should only be on here if you’re into weird shit and tons of dirty shit and willing to “re-blog” it and spread the crazy across the world. That’s why I’m on it. DO NOT interact with anyone on Tumblr. Those fuckers are crazy!
Pinterest
No Bro Shall EVER Go Here! EVER!!!
Women are on here sharing recipes, photos and other womanly shit. I get it. If you’re a dude on here then please go downstairs and make me a sandwich while I bang your wife. Because NO BRO SHOULD BE ON FUCKING PINTEREST!!!
about.me
What Thy Fucketh Is This?!
Wait. You’re on every social media site and you’re also on something called “about.me?” But don’t I already know everything about you because of all the other social media shit you’re on so why the hell do I need to see your “about.me” page bro??? Get off that shit! Now!
Klout
Bro…Ye Has No Such Thing!
You know a Klout score means absolutely nothing in real life right? Then why are you sweating that shit? Why don’t you be a real man and focus on getting a high credit score in the real world instead so you can like buy things with big boy credit and money? Stop it bro. A real bro doesn’t have fake Klout. He has real clout. Now go get some. Thank me later.
There it is people! The “Bro Social Media Code” explained. Once again, print this shit out. Save a copy on your phone. Do whatever you have to do to keep the Bro Code Series handy with you when you need it in any of life’s foreseen and unforeseen situations. Because T does what he does for all of you! Actually I do it for myself. But still. Either way, now you know how to handle social media like a man!
Until next time. Always take it there.
T
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