T-pisode 144: What T Learned Over His Summer Vacation

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I can cook now too. I’m getting better ladies. Slow but sure.

Remember in elementary school when you had to write about what you did during your Summer vacation? Well I’m a grown ass man and I sure as hell don’t get the Summer off. But I did have an interesting Summer and I learned a lot about myself. Even at this age. It was probably the Summer where I also did the most growing as an adult. I consider my Summer Memorial Day through Labor Day really and I did a lot, saw a lot, experienced a lot and grew up in ways I didn’t know I had to. It was definitely an amazing Summer. Here is what T learned this Summer from start to finish.

The Red Sox Suck
Yep. It’s official. They suck. Not like they did in the 80s and 90s. Nope. This is a different kind of suck. At least those crappy teams played hard and were likable. These Sox are a bunch of overpaid, whiny, heartless, lazy sons of bitches and a disgrace to the “B” that I proudly wear. I can’t fake it. I just don’t like them. And believe it or not all you non-Bostonians, it’s not about winning. If they lost and showed heart and grit, I’d love this version of the Red Sox. So I now say love the team, not the players. And oh yeah. Fuck Josh Beckett. Hope the LA sun burns your balls off bro.

Driving is Awesome!
I know I did a T-pisode already about having a car again. But damn that shit feels good! Being able to afford to live in the city, having the perk of a car and being able to do whatever you want is a great feeling. Material possessions definitely don’t make a man, a man, but working your ass off to get said things most certainly does. And I really missed trying to run people over oh so much!

Bitter Bitch
How the fuck are you going to fly half way across the country to hang out with some guy you met online for the 4th of July, judge him and be miserable??? You did the traveling. Why not just lighten up and enjoy yourself like any normal adult would do after realizing the two of you had no chemistry and hardly anything in common? You’re so angry honey. I learned that I can no longer deal with T-blawg site groupies and….

No More Twitter Chicks
…no more Twitter chicks! DONZO!!! No more DMing for T. No more meeting chicks from Twitter for T. No more T-blawg Twitter groupies for T. You know who you are. To the good ladies…thank you. Keep following along and I’ll keep flirting. I appreciate you all but that’s the line and it won’t be crossed. For all you ball busting psychopaths who don’t realize they are psycho…FUCK YOU! I’m all set.

Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems
This ties into the whole car thing and whatnot. Biggie said it best. They’re not bad problems to have but they can be problematic nonetheless.  And jealousy is a female trait. Jay-Z said that best. But you’re supposed to be happy when your friends are straight killing it in life. Just do you. No one ever said that best. It’s stupid. But true. I see that now.

Forgive Family
Sometimes you fall out of touch with friends and family. Sometimes there are reasons. Sometimes it just happens. But try your best to stay in touch. Try to forgive. Family is family and you only get one. I plan on reaching out to, seeing and staying in touch with my entire family from this moment on. Even the asshole cousin. Wait…am I the asshole cousin? Shit.

Thank You Seth MacFarlane
The filmed in Boston adult CGI comedy was made for under $55 million. As of this T-pisode it has made over $230 million. BOOM! Not only does Boston finally have its first blockbuster comedy, but we now own every damn genre. We ARE Hollywood East even without Hollywood East never happening on paper. And now T has a better shot at selling his insane adult CGI comedy script. I bow down to you Mr. MacFarlane. I saw Ted twice and was motivated to rewrite the entire 2nd act of my script. My Fall schedule is now full!

My father was an only child but he has a lot of cousins. One of them was his cousin Bob who we all called Uncle Bob because he was an uncle to us. My father’s side was/is full of a bunch of degenerates and losers. Uncle Bob wasn’t one of them. He was always very good to my immediate family when I was a kid. He passed away this Summer. I regret not seeing him much over the last few years. He was a good man, husband and dad. He had a great sense of humor and was a legendary ball buster. He taught me how to express love through being a wiseass when you just couldn’t say it. When I was young and fresh he called me “Shitbird.” I will truly miss you Uncle Bob. I will continue the family ball busting in your honor.

T Cooks Now
Getting my grown man on and stepping up my shit in life made me realize that I don’t really cook. I don’t know if I can’t cook or not, I just never tried. So I signed up for a cooking class. That shit was awesome! But very complicated and time consuming. I don’t know if I have the time or patience to shop for, prepare and cook a three course meal but now I definitely know that I can. Check that off my new “Marriage Pail List!

Bros Before Social Media Hoes
I’ll just say this. Your social media friends are not your real life friends. Most of them you never met or will never meet. Remember who your real life friends are and don’t be a sellout next time you want to participate in a non-existent popularity contest with some people who only live online. Loyalty means a lot. Remember that shit. I always do.

Think Before You Speak T
I’ve always prided myself on being someone who spoke first, acted first and asked questions later. This Summer I said and did some things I should not have. I said one thing in particular to someone who I should not have said. And I couldn’t take it back. I wish I could. As much as I didn’t want to change this about myself, I will now think before speaking.

Merci Bitches
I booked a trip to Paris. It’s me so you know anything can and will happen. You know a “T Did Paris In 3 Paragraphs” T-pisode will follow. It may or may not include a “Bourne Identity” type car chase scene. I just want to travel the world more and take it all in.

My Birthday
My birthday comes at the end of Summer. That’s what she said. It’s always interesting to see who can and cannot attend because it is still Summer and people have plans. But every year I always do something for the people closest to me. It really isn’t a party for me. It is a celebration with the people I care about the most. This year was a little bit different. It was better. I got my grown man on and finally realized what I wanted and didn’t want at this age. I’m hoping future T-pisodes will let you all know what that is.

ABG….Always Be a Gentleman
This kind of goes back to my thinking before speaking lesson learned. I was challenged a lot this Summer. Challenged where the old me could’ve come out and absolutely destroyed everything and everyone in my path. Instead, I stayed calm and remained a gentleman. I refuse to be that guy anymore so I will always be cool from now on. I will always be a gentleman even if they don’t deserve it.

A Summer Fling is Just a Summer Fling
Can a guy and a girl become close, have a Summer fling, go to Paris, learn some shit about themselves and then become friends? Maybe. I don’t know yet. I do know that a damn good Summer can be had though. But when it’s over, it’s over. Just like that. Damn. T had a great time on this one people but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting a little in the end. But I came out this Summer a different man than when I went in and that’s all I can ask of myself. I stayed honest and gave as best as I could. To her I say this, “Disons toast à la fin d’une relation à court, mais le début d’une longue amitié. Et je t’ai dit que tu es belle aujourd’hui?”


I hope your Summer was just as amazing for all of you too and I hope you had the opportunities to learn and grow. And just so you know, you can always learn something new about yourself, people and life in general. Not just during the Summer season either. Maybe even Winter too. When you’re home stuck inside eating and getting fat. Nah. Winter sucks yo. Spring is for idiots in my opinion. Because I said so. But here we are in the Fall my favorite season and now school is back in session kiddies! So go back to the T-blawg “Archives” and open up any chapter. There are 144 of them with more on the way. Learn some shit and make sure to get Professor T a friggin’ apple.



Until next time. Always take it there.




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