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I decided to do this Bro Code chapter simply because my birthday was coming up and every year I realize more and more how many of my bros either really come through the way I come through for them come their birthday time or flake out like some punk ass bitches really. Look, the older you get as a man there is no need for cake and balloons. The older you get the less and less you go out and get banged up. But as bros you need to recognize each other’s birthdays. You need to celebrate each other’s birthdays. It’s just the right thing to do people! Here is the “Bro Birthday Code.”
Gifts
What are you 12 bro?! No need to do gifts. Maybe a bottle of booze up until the age of 23. Or take your buddy to the game. Other than that bros don’t do gifts.
Cards
No. Unless your bro is a degenerate gambler. Then give him a birthday card with scratch tickets in it. Otherwise, like gifts, bros don’t give other bros cards. Ever.
Drinks
Of course! You have to take your boy out and get him drunk on his birthday. However, the older the bro is then the less drunk you should get him. Over the years every dude should remember his birthday more and more. So drunk yes, but not black out and waking up in the hospital comatose level. Depending on his age.
Dinner
Whether it’s a group of people, couples only or just the boys, a bro birthday dinner is acceptable. If you’re not doing a club or bar then take your buddy out to dinner for his birthday. And don’t let him pay dude. Really?
Trips
No. There is no need to go away on a dude’s birthday. Chicks do that bro! The only birthday that you maaayyyy get away with is a 21st bday trip to Vegas. But even that is still kind of girlish. You make that call among your boys.
Party in General
YES! YES! And YES! Regardless of age, if your bro is one of those bros who never plans anything for his own birthday then you must and will throw his ass a party. However you want to do it. If he doesn’t have anything else planned, it is on his bros to throw a party anyway they wish. And now that party is also more for them! Reap the benefits fellas.
Tables
Going out for a bro’s bday? Get a table. Going to a nice restaurant? Get a table. Going to a bar? Get a table. Going to a lounge? Get a table. Going to the club? Get a table. Going to the strip club? Get a table. See where I’m going with this??? ALWAYS GET A TABLE! No excuses. A bunch of dudes can throw in for at least one bottle that secures a table for your good pal’s bday. Man the fuck up. Throw in. And GET A TABLE.
Girls
Always. There should always be girls. Always.
Clothes
Bro Dress Code as usual depending on who, what and where. Worst case? The basics: shoes, nice jeans, collared shirt. Now shut the fuck up and go out. How any man still asks “What should I wear dude?” is insane. Not only should this bro not be a part of the bday celebrations but he should be kicked out of the inner circle entirely!
Pregame/Postgame
This is entirely up to your discretion. However you want to do this. But it should not be the bday bro’s place unless he wants to pregame and/or postgame at his place. Another bro or bros should step up here and make sure the bday bro has a place to start and finish his bday celebration.
Bday Sex
This is all on the bday bro himself. You can’t bring a fish to water. Wait, what? No man can get mad if he doesn’t get laid on his bday. He needs to make this happen. All the other bros can do is be good wingmen. Only the bro himself can close the deal.
Age
Bros celebrate their bdays from 16-40. That’s it. If he gets married during that timeframe then you don’t have to do anything for him except show up if his wife invites you. End of that story.
Start/End times
Case by case basis. Birthday bro by birthday bro basis. Or the bro with the strongest booze tolerance can decide this. That’s up to you bro.
Bill
It’s simple. EVERYONE BUT THE BIRTHDAY BRO PAYS! Boom.
IOUs
STFU. Stay home. It’s your bro’s birthday, not yours. You have an entire year to plan and save up to make sure your bro has a good time on his special day. Don’t make him pay for you bro. Tuck your skirt in. Do the right thing here.
So there it is! Bro Birthday Code! Now you know what to do and you now have no excuses if you show your bro a shitty time on his birthday. Don’t mess that shit up. Save this. Bring it with you. Hell, pass it out at this year’s bday parties as a reminder for all bros to learn this shit by next year. However you want to learn it, just do it and respect it.
Until next time. Always take it there.
T
T-blawg 