While I was on my dating sabbatical I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do differently when I got back to dating. About what I would do the same. And about what I was willing and not willing to compromise on. I basically came up with the perfect formula for finding love in a long term flawless relationship! Oh yeah I did. How? Because I’m a genius!!! Are you ready?
Like someone enough + Willing to compromise enough = Eventually falling in love and staying together without killing each other forever
You like that shit?! That’s like some “Good Will Hunting” quantum physics type stuff right there! Ok. I’m kidding. But I think I’m on to something. Anyway. During my now famous dating sabbatical I managed to make a list of things I am now willing to compromise on that I wasn’t so willing to compromise on in the past. Here is that list.
“I don’t know, you decide where we should eat.”
DONE! No more trying to read minds. You say that to me honey and we WILL eat wherever I want. Ok? You just gave up your rights to complain ever again about where we eat.
You want to watch your dopey reality shows with me? Fine. It’s important to you. Even though I hate them I will sit here with you and suffer on the inside but we are SO banging afterwards.
“Stay in bed, don’t go to the gym now.”
Ok. I will miss the gym and make sweet lovin’ to you instead. Even when I get fat and crush you I will still make sweet lovin’ to you. You asked for this baby. Cause I can eat!
I wouldn’t budge on this for years. But if she doesn’t smoke like a chimney and not around me, I might let this one go. If that is her only major flaw and she is still an amazing person, then I have to compromise. However, I will bang your hot little sister when you’re dead from cancer. The dirt on your fucking grave will still be soft but I won’t be. ZING!
I always thought girls that drink out of beer bottles and beer cans when at dinner or the club or at a lounge were classless. They look like damn truck drivers! Fine. I’ll stop judging. Go ahead and drink your Budweiser out of the can you hillbilly. I’ll let it slide from now on.
Speaking of truck drivers. Excessive swearing from a lady makes her not a lady. But if she is super hot, smart, good in bed and the majority of her F bombs are dropped when she’s happy and having a good time? Then I’ll be cool with it from now on you little fucker you.
Lives at home or with 18 roommates
Fine. I have an awesome place. We stay here at night. That’s settled. But don’t touch my shit.
I never wanted to meet families. I never want to bring girls around my family. You want to meet my family? You want me to meet your family? Ok. You asked for it. If you run out of the house when you meet my cousins or your aunt wants to bang me then that shit is on you!
Doesn’t like going to the movies
I’ll go without you. But if you ask me about the movie when I see you I will sit your ass down and I WILL give you a scene by scene recap about the movie that will last two hours making you regret not going with me! I really will. I’m nuts like that.
I’ve never really dated older women. I’ve hooked up with older women. But never went old. I will now. They know shit. And they are more secure. Definitely more bitter but that’s the compromise right?
Sleeps a lot
I used to really let this get under my skin! I still only sleep like 6 hours. And I’m always doing something. I can’t stand wasting time by sleeping. But you know what? Chicks love their sleep! So from now on I’ll let them sleep. Get your beauty sleep. I’ll catch you later honey. T has shit to do. Just look good when I get back. Thanks.
Ok. I guess chicks have to pass gas too right? I blame Baby Jesus for this one. So go ahead. Fart away gas bag. I’ll dutch oven you and giggle like a school girl.
Has a job, not a career
I guess as long as you’re doing something then that’s cool right? I’ll have the ambition for both of us. You go ahead and seat people at the Cheesecake Factory. I’ll put the failure on your dad for this one. Shame on you daddy. Shame.
Is a stripper
T is no longer fighting this one. Shake that ass girl let me see what you got!!!
Has never been anywhere
That’s fine. Here’s the compromise. I will take you, but you have to earn it. Just be good to me, honest and compromising somewhat yourself and I promise I will give you the world. But if you fuck me over I will make sure you disappear in said country “Taken” movie style!
Is still friends with the ex
I’ll compromise by trusting you. But I WILL NEVER compromise by trusting or liking him. I won’t be rude, but if he ever disrespects you or me I’m putting him through a wall without fucking hesitating. Not for a second. I will break that dude. That’s where YOU need to understand and compromise baby.
So that’s my new compromise list. Did you see what I did there?! I wrote that shit “old school” T style because some of you missed the old T-blawg T. This was my New Year’s treat to all of you! I hope you enjoyed my wise ass assholeness. Anyway back to this T-pisode recap. I did some digging and I’m trying to improve myself by letting things go and being more open to the things in dating land that I used to drive past before. The dating sabbatical did a lot for me. I’m refreshed and ready to compromise. So let’s do this ladies!
Until next time. Always take it there.