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Adam Sandler hasn’t made a good guy comedy in a very long time. He is all into PG-13 family comedies now. From a screenwriter’s perspective I get it. PG-13 family flicks allow more people to pay to see your movie. From a dude’s perspective I think it sucks. But he did make a movie last year in the Boston area and it was such an underrated guy comedy. A hard R comedy. And I think you had to have grown up in the Boston area in the 80s & 90s to truly appreciate the awesomeness of this movie. “That’s My Boy.” It was not an Oscar contender by any means. It did not make any money at all. But being a Boston boy, I laughed my ass off. There is a scene in the movie where his character asks his son for some Axe Body Spray and his son tells him he doesn’t have any because he’s not a douchebag. Sandler’s reply? “I didn’t know that Axe Body Spray was a douchebag thing now.” Classic. My boys and I use that line waaay too much now because we hate douchebags. And that inspired this list. A lot of dudes don’t know that what they are doing is a douchebag thing now. Well times are changing and T is letting them know the things that douchebags do now. Are you ready…douchebags?
The following are “Douchebags Things Now” dude guy:
Wearing your snapback hat backwards is a douchebag thing now
Taking “selfies” while working out at the gym is a douchebag thing now
Using the word “selfie” is such a douchebag thing now
Rocking a huge belt buckle is a douchebag thing now
Talking about how you just got the latest iAnything as soon as it came out is a douchebag thing now
Social media checking in at BMW, Audi & Mercedes dealerships is a douchebag thing now
Designs shaved into your head is a douchebag thing now
Facebooking how much you work and how busy you are at that exact moment while putting up that update is a douchebag thing now
Tanning is such a douchebag thing now
Sunglasses on your head or reverse behind your head has always been a douchebag thing actually
Telling people how much you can bench is a douchebag thing now
Being a Foursquare Mayor of anything is a douchebag thing now
Visors are a douchebag thing now
Wearing plaid anything is a douchebag thing now
Tweeting a pic of your bar tab is a douchebag thing now
Being a broke club promoter pretending to have money while living at home has always been a douchebag thing
Passing off ecards as your own jokes is a douchebag thing now
Saying “I do yoga or crossfit” is a douchebag thing now
Not writing out the full swear and using symbols like $#%* is a douchebag thing now
Subtweeting about someone you don’t know in real life is a douchebag thing now
Being a hipster is a douchebag thing now
Saying “I didn’t get the text” is such a douchebag thing now and almost impossible!
Owning a Keurig is a douchebag thing now
Still using a Blackberry is a douchebag thing now
Talking about all the tattoos you’re going to get yet you don’t have a single one is a douchebag thing now
Thinking Zooey Deschanel is adorkable is a douchebag thing now
Saying “I go hard” is a douchebag thing now
Owning a cat is a douchebag thing now
Using a Groupon is a douchebag thing now
Doing the “T-blawg Pose” after blocking T on Twitter is a Dane Cook level douchebag thing now
That is everything that is officially a “douchebag thing now” as of this T-pisode. I’m sure I’ll come up with more in the future but for now you douchebags have no excuses for being douchebags. Stop doing these things and be real men. Don’t complain to me either about this list because complaining to T about his T-pisodes is definitely a douchebag thing now.
Until next time. Always take it there.
T
T-blawg 