Just like my “Number Two Drawer” T-pisode, I thought about turning this one into a Bro Code chapter. But figured it would be better on it’s own. What the hell is the “Office Bro Drawer” T??? Glad you asked. Every man needs to have an “Office Bro Drawer” at work. I don’t care if you’re the CEO of Apple. A mechanic down the street. The guy taking orders at the Wendy’s drive-thru. Or even an entry level mailroom clerk making sure ol’ T here gets all his important snail mail at the office. You need to have an “Office Bro Drawer!” It is quite simply a drawer at work where you keep all your manly bro shit…bro. That’s right. The essentials must always be there. What are the essentials? Everything you need as a man to get you through the day or any situation that may occur during the day at work or the events that may and can occur after work. You with me?
Throughout my entire career I have always had an “Office Bro Drawer.” It has changed according to my career, age, needs and wants throughout the years. I have also put together my various “Office Bro Drawers” to make sure they are adaptable. So I can survive. Succeed. Have sex. Be good. Be bad. Cover up mistakes. Have a good alibi. Whatever the fuck was needed was always in my damn “Office Bro Drawer!” Whether you have a cube, an office or a single drawer, you need to use one as your “Office Bro Drawer.” Because any man can tell you that shit goes down at work. Or after work. And you must be prepared. You must have the essentials in it. Like so:
Oral hygiene products-This is a given bro. You eat at work. You have meetings. You need to impress.
Condoms-Even though I am now against office sex, it happens. But so doesn’t drinking and dates after work. Have them.
Water bottle-Real men drink water all damn day. Hydrate that ass.
Gum/Tic Tacs-Always have fresh breath at work all day long. BE that guy!
Cologne-One squirt is enough. That’s what she said.
Energy shots-T don’t do coffee. But T does do energy shots on long ass days at the office. Especially if T has plans after work as well.
Aspirin-I don’t know about you but I think I come into the office with a hangover at least once a week. Have aspirin. Always.
Protein-Whether it’s protein shakes or protein bars, you should be eating protein. Man up Sally!
Emergen-C/Airborne-T don’t have time to get sick. This shit helps. Trust T.
A fucking Tide stick-Sometimes you spill shit on yourself like a fucking two year old. I don’t know why. But it happens. This shit will get the stain out!
Lotion-Hands, face, balls…whatever. Be smooth bro. Be smooth.
Tums-I’m Italian. Sometimes I get agita from stress. That’s heartburn for all you non-Itals. But all men get stressed out at work sometimes. Chew some Tums.
Baby Wipes-Just have them. These things clean shit. Not just babies. Spills, shoes, greasy hands, crumbs, whatever. Keep them handy. But don’t keep no baby in your “Office Bro Drawer.” HR frowns upon that.
So that is what an “Office Bro Drawer” is and why you should have one. You are at work to be successful. You need tools at your disposal to be successful. You need weapons in your arsenal to go to battle after work. You may need medical care after a night out in the battlefield when you come into your home base of operations the next day. The “Office Bro Drawer” serves all purposes for you as a man. Have one. Get one. Use one. And once again bro, thank me later.
Until next time. Always take it there.