T-pisode 247: The Chingaderos

I’m in a gang. That’s right. It is a biker gang with a Latino name. And we’re all Caucasian and none of us have motorcycles. We don’t have leather cuts or colors. We don’t ship guns or do business with Mexican drug cartels. We have yet to patch over other biker gangs or expand charters into other states or countries. Sure some of us are parents and drive minivans. And yes we all have college degrees. And none of us have been to prison. But we are a biker gang nonetheless. In our heads. We were founded in 2000. We are “The Chingaderos.” And we are the baddest non-motorcycle, non-criminal biker gang to ever exist.

My cousin and his wife met in college as teenagers. At first I drove my cousin’s wife crazy. Because I did and said a lot of crazy shit at the time. You remember my infamous “Asshole Era” right? Well she met me right in the thick of that era. So one time in trying to win her over I bought her a book of swears for her birthday. Yes I did. It was a book with swears in every language. This way she could swear at me and express herself through many acts of profanity and violence. She loved the book. We all loved the book. We came across a swear word in Spanish…chingadero. It means little fucker. From that moment on we called each other chingadero and that Spanish swear word became our mantra. Our saying. It was us. Over the years as we grew closer the three of us called ourselves “The Chingaderos.” Any time we needed each other The Chingaderos would come together. Just going out; Hanging out; Holidays… At family functions we would sit together. You eat with the people you starved with. That’s one of our club rules. We’re big on loyalty too. As a biker gang you need to have each other’s backs. As the “Original 3” we later brought in my cousin’s wife’s two younger brothers and her youngest brother’s lifelong best friend. The Chingaderos is a family. On any given day we’re texting each other such sweet and inspiring words followed by swearing at each other and very offensive YouTube videos that no other person should ever see. That’s how we are. We get each other. My cousin and his wife now have three kids. They are Chingadero prospects and are definitely the future of our club. Our church is my cousin’s kitchen. That’s where all club business is handled and decided. There is usually Patron and sippy cups all around us and a little dog trying to steal our food. Maybe one day one of us will learn how to drive a motorcycle. Or maybe we’ll just keep on being awesome as is.

I’m not saying you should go out and try to join a biker gang. Odds are, you’ll probably be killed on the spot. So maybe you should start your own gang. Make sure it’s with people you care about and who get each other like The Chingaderos do. Make sure the club acts like a family and you all have the same taste in TV shows like Sons of Anarchy, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, The Sopranos, Entourage, Seinfeld and Game of Thrones. TV watching is big among non-motorcycle biker gangs. It brings you all closer together. And you have plenty to Facebook each other about during the week. Make sure you all have the same offensive sense of humor. But make sure you have each other’s backs no matter what. The Chingaderos, my gang.

Until next time. Always take it there.

T