I’ve never been afraid to put my dating shit out there for the world to see on T-blawg. The good. The bad. The funny. The crazy. The ugly. Recently something happened to me that just happened to be ugly. I got hit with “The Fadeout” people. What the hell is “The Fadeout” you ask? Well let T do what he does and tell you. You all know what it is actually. I’m just giving it a name. It’s worse than the “It’s not you, it’s me.” Oh yeah. Because at least there you’re getting something. “The Fadeout” is the exact opposite. It’s when you’re seeing someone. Talking to someone. Hanging out with someone. Dating someone. I don’t care what the fuck your commitment fearing ass calls it. You’re enjoying that person and they’re enjoying you and then all of a sudden…..boom. Nothing. No texts. No calls. No going out. On your end you think things are going all nice and shit and you don’t even see “The Fadeout” coming. That person just purposely disappears on your ass and wants nothing to do with you. They cut you out of their life and they won’t even tell you why. And it sucks. Especially now with all the social media shit that you share with each other. It is the worst way to end hanging out/dating/talking/banging. Basically anything but a relationship. Because it just shows that person doesn’t respect you enough to even tell you what you did or didn’t do that made them suddenly not want to communicate with you why they are all set with you. Maybe it’s something on their end and not you but they aren’t telling you. Things go from pretty awesome to them just bouncing on your ass without any provocation or notice. Cold as fucking ice baby.
My Fadeout. I was hanging out with this awesome girl about every week for 2 months. Neither one of us gave what we were doing a name. We were just going out, having fun, getting to know each other. I’m a busy man. Really. She was busy girl. Both hard working people in their 30s who enjoyed their single lives. A lot in common. Me? I make time for the people and things I enjoy. And every week I found myself wanting to hang out with her. I’m the man and I don’t play games so I let it be known when I like someone. Time is my most precious commodity at this stage in my life. So I let her know. She seemed fine with it. She liked how things were going. Then after our last fun night out the next day came and I sent off a text and never got a reply. That’s fine. I didn’t have the time to even think it was anything or even sweat it. After the weekend I shot off another text asking her how her weekend was. Nothing. At this point I was entering the week that just so happened to become that one bad week of 2011 not even including the shit I apparently had happening with her. I had other female drama. Work drama. Family drama. Holiday drama. So I took to the social media shit to vent. I took to T-blawg to be the usual funny wiseass. Without even thinking how this up until then “cool with my social media shit and knows about T-blawg” chick was taking it. Did she think it was about her when I vented being the usual witty T? I had no idea. Usually I don’t give it a second thought but I did with her. So I caught myself and thought “T. Why the fuck are you analyzing shit? Oh shit. You like this one.” Fuuuuuck. So I called her days later. Sent to voicemail. Two texts and a voicemail in one rough week’s time with nothing back? Yep. I was getting “The Fadeout.” I even went back and analyzed the last date. I honestly could not recollect anything bad or stupid that I may have done. It was actually a fun date where we both opened up about friends, family, career goals, growing up and we both showed that two stubborn yet awesome single people were capable of caring by sharing some deep holiday charity tales. Shit seemed kosher! I was wrong I guess.
I washed my hands with her. I don’t have time for bullshit. Chalked it up as a loss. For her. Then the following week I ran some career dating numbers and stats. Did a census among friends too. Yep. The result? I deleted her off my social media shit because I now believe you shouldn’t be on anyone’s social media stuff that you like because it sabotages you. It does. What else did I figure out? Oh yeah. By the time you’re 27 years old you can no longer give someone “The Fadeout” if you’ve gone out with them over 2 times. NO ONE in their fucking 30s should give or get “The Fadeout!” Go face to face with the reason. If not? Then a phone call. No balls for the call? Then send a somewhat detailed text on why you no longer want to see the person. Because if you just go with “The Fadeout” the dating gods will eventually hit you with some serious karma. Oh yeah they will. Maybe not today. Or tomorrow. But eventually they will get you. Part of me thinks this was karma for all the fucked up shit I did when I was younger. Including “The Fadeouts” I gave women. Odds are though that with her I did or didn’t do something so small that she analyzed the shit out of it. Blew it up. Shared with friends. Until this fucking thing snowballed so out of control in her crazy chick head that she made me into something I’m not. And all of it could have possibly been avoided with a little communication. Seriously. And ladies, if you ever get or got hit with “The Fadeout” it’s probably because the guy feared commitment so soon or because you didn’t have sex with him. Shallow I know. But that’s how us men can be. I apologize for all of us because I’m not like that anymore. I swear! Because “The Fadeout” is fucked up as shit and I will NEVER EVER do it to a real woman that I like. Now excuse me while I go pray to the dating gods for them to do some smiting.
“The Fadeout?” Seriously?! Come onnnnn. Stop it.
Until next time. Always take it there.
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I only give The Fadeout to guys who deserve it – i.e. talk to me in an extremely derogatory manner, throw up in my bed, purposely embarrass me in public etc. etc.
Not saying you did anything to deserve it! Just my two cents. I’m only 23 though so I guess I still have seven good years of Fading Out to do 😉
If they’re jerks to you then they deserve it. If you are just done with them and they were never jerky, they deserve to know why.
And don’t go too long giving The Fadeout. It’s a bad habit to break. Start fading out The Fadeout now. You’ll be even a greater woman in your 30s. 😉
You know, I totally think it’s lame what this girl did. But, my guess is she dated you cause your fun and cool. I doubt she is a commitment phobe. When you two got real, she decided you weren’t right/ part of the plan. Again, totally lame and she should have let you know. But, count your blessing. You dodged a bullet cause as awesome as you are, you could probaly never please her.
I like this comment. 😉
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