Ever been on a blind date before? I’m not talking about a situation where your friend brings you to meet his girlfriend’s friend or someone you finally met off Twitter or some dating site. I’m talking a straight BLIND date. Going in cold without ever seeing any pics of the person before the date. Well I recently did. Oh yeah. Look, I’ve always said you need to be open to all forms of dating. You never know whom you’re going to meet. But I had never done anything like this before. I wanted to go in cold and see what happened. See how it played out. T is adventurous yo. I think that has been made clear on this site plenty of times. And I had done did it all when it came to dating so I was down to play this game. I was down to go on a blind date. Like an idiot.
How did this blind date come to be? Well, being the young, single guy at the office a lot of married and older people would like to see me settle down. Even though I don’t really talk about my dating life like I do here on T-blawg, they all claim to have “the perfect girl for me” almost on a daily basis. Either they think I’m one hell of a catch or they want me to live in the married hell they all live in. I’m not sure. But I finally gave in to one of them. An older woman at the office had a nice girl for me. She said she told her all about me and that she would love to hear from me. I said “You know what old lady? Give me that number! I’ll do that shit!” Well not in those words exactly but you get the point. So I texted the young lady and for about a week we went back and forth texting. No phone conversations. And I made myself not look her up on the interwebs, I swear. Like I said I wanted to go in cold and see what happened. What I found out through texts was she was a hairdresser, in her late 20s, grew up in the same neighborhood that I did…which was weird because I never heard of her and that she had 6 roommates. Which I thought was strange. Over the age of 25 I don’t think anyone should have a roommate let alone 6 but hey, I didn’t want to judge. So I set up a date. A casual spot for drinks. Here’s the rub. The damn Celtics lost game 6 to the Heat and game 7 was forced to the night we were meeting. Shit. I couldn’t cancel because I didn’t want to offend her or the old lady at work. So I kept the date. Here’s what happened. I got there early and picked a nice spot so she can sit and I can watch the game behind her while talking. Yep. Due diligence people! She came in and DID NOT look anything like I was told. She had a “self described self portrait tattoo” on her arm but it was just a doll outline with Xs for eyes. Weird. Two toned hair. Purple and black. And she told me she just had a giant burrito before the date and was so stuffed. Who the fuck does that?! Every smell in a 10 foot radius that night I thought was coming from her ass! But I tried to be a gentleman and talk to her but the Celtics needed me! And I just couldn’t get into her.
The Celtics lost. I decided to get one more round and try having a conversation without the game on but it was too painful. She had nothing to say and everything I already knew about her turned me off. I just wanted to be nice enough so she didn’t tell the old lady at work that I sucked bringing drama into my office. So I said “So. What else do you have going on tonight? My buddies are all drinking away the Celtics loss at another bar and I was supposed to meet up with them. Might as well drink my pain away too. Not sure how much fun I’ll be tonight you know?” Oh she didn’t know. But she at least knew I was looking for an out (which I’ll explain in a future T-pisode). So she said she had friends at a club and there was a band performing. I said “Perfect. Sounds like a blast. Let’s get going then shall we?” I gave her the half bro hug. Placed her in a cab and went off to get drunk with my boys. That was the one and only time I WILL EVER go on a blind date cold. That was just stupid of me. Even seasoned vets can sometimes make rookie mistakes. But again, you have to try everything when it comes to dating because you won’t know until you do. Even if she eats burritos and farts.
Until next time. Always take it there.
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