T-pisode 168: T Became A Spartan

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I wear this to the office on casual Friday every week
I wear this to the office on casual Friday every week

So let T do a little recap here for you all. Because I write these T-pisodes a bunchel at a time. Yes I made that word up. Bunchel. When you do the shit that T does then you can make up words too. I want to keep these T-pisodes in chronological order with my life and this is pretty damn current. I promised myself at the beginning of 2012 that I would become a better man. That I would try to date more “good” ladies. That I would push my writing harder. That I would kick ass with my “day time” career. That I would see the world even if it was on my own or with a girl I really liked at the time and now hates me just because I gave her too much too soon. That I would foster the relationships of those I cared about the most. That I would become more cultured with cooking, languages, art, history, traveling. That I would try new things and say yes to things I previously said no to like Jim Carrey in that awful “Yes Man” movie. And that I would push myself to my physical limits. That last part just happened as I write this. Sore. But proud. Because T is now a Spartan. Oh yes. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Let me give you a little background into my physical life history. My genetics suck. Oh yeah. I’m Italian. I’m built like a box. I’m wide and all upper body. My parents and grandparents are/were not the healthiest people. But I was and I am still healthy as hell. I’m thankful for that. I was a small kid. A chubby teenager. And then at 19 I became the typical East Boston gym meathead. Except I wasn’t stupid and never took steroids. But I worked out like a beast. Every day. A bodybuilding lifestyle. Protein shakes and supplements all day baby. I tanned. I got tattoos. In my late 20s I moved into downtown Boston and my lifestyle had changed. I no longer could put “The Routine” first and everything else second. So I changed up the way I worked out. Gave up most of the supplements. I got into Muay Thai. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. And most recently, dirty boxing. I run a lot now too. I’m a more diverse gym rat now. And I think I’m a trained killer! Seriously. Come at me bro! Anyway, this past Spring I decided as part of my choice to grow up and become a better man on my “Pursuit Of Happiness” to get involved with all those trendy but insane Tough Mudder/Beast/Warrior Dash/Spartan races. I said “Why not?! I’m a crazy son of a bitch. Crazy sons of bitches do those insane races. I’m in!” And I started my training for Tough Mudder. Six weeks in I got “Kidney Stoned!” The fuck right? I took 5 weeks off from training because of that. I missed the Tough Mudder race but heard about the Spartan in Fenway Park. Boom. Game back on! I changed up my routine and did a lot of full body interval training. More cardio. And more dirty boxing. I dropped the heavy weights and did more reps. I came down 15lbs in body weight and I was lean, mean and ready for Sparta! I was so pumped for the race and it was in my own backyard and one of my favorite places on the planet, Fenway Park. I was going to compete on the same field as the Boston Red Sox. Every Boston kid’s dream.

November 18th, 2012. As I lined up for my heat at the starting line I felt the adrenaline take over. The “scary” adrenaline. It was that same type of adrenaline I used to get when I was about to get into a fight when I was younger. It was that same kind of adrenaline that took over my body when I knew I was going to stop thinking and go into berserker rage old T-Dog style. I hadn’t felt that way in a very long time. I was actually kind of scared. I forgot that guy still existed. I think I just put him deep down inside my psyche. But as my heat got called and I lined up he took over. The clock ticked down and before I knew it I had already completed about half of the obstacles, did about 150 burpees and ran inside most of Fenway Park before I calmed down and came to. I finally came to my senses. Young T-Dog left and I was standing in Fenway Park a grown man, catching my breath and I was awestruck with where I was and what I was doing. I slowed it down a little from there. Not because my body really had to, but because this was a once in a lifetime event. You better believe I was going to enjoy it. I did the rest of the obstacles and shit ton more burpees as a regular guy doing a Spartan in America’s oldest ballpark. I got banged up a little because I turned the switch off. But I was ok with that. I touched every part of Fenway Park. I did burpees on the red clay against the Green Monster. I felt the dings on the Monster from all the line drives. I smelled the piss where Manny used to pee during games behind the scoreboard. I sat in the dugout in every player’s seat. It was amazing. I became a Spartan the best way possible. As a grown man inside Fenway Park. You just can’t beat that. You just can’t beat becoming a better person with age. Trust T on this one people. Push yourself. Strive for more. Try something new. Become a fucking better person for yourself and no one else! Thank me later.


Until next time. Always take it there.