T-pisode 214: Bro Code Chapter 15-Bro Dating Code

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I can't say it enough...stay off of each other's social media as long as fucking possible.
I can’t say it enough…stay off of each other’s social media as long as possible.

I honestly don’t know how I went this long without writing this Bro Code chapter. I can sit here and write about dating for days. Well I guess I have already. For over 4 years actually. Um, go back and read. Or just scroll down a bit and type “Dating” in the search and watch what happens if you need more evidence. No way to deny it, I know dating. Whether I’m good at it or bad at it is a 50/50 split. Because I have dated a lot of amazing women but yet I’m still single. But this is the Bro Dating Code not the Bro Relationship Code or Bro Engagement Code or the Bro Marriage Code….you get the damn point. This is the Bro Dating Code! And one thing you need to know is that there are a lot of rules to dating bro. Here there are. Step by step.


Asking Her Out
So you’ve already met her and now you need to get her out bro. Call, don’t text. Be charming, be funny, be confident, be direct, be short. Save the good stuff for the actual date. Don’t reveal too much. Don’t ask too much. And don’t come on too strong bro. Neither of you has time for bullshit. You have one goal…GET HER OUT. That’s it son.

No social media part 1
Don’t send her a friend request on Facebook after you ask her out. Don’t follow her on Twitter. Don’t even look at her damn selfies on Instagram bro. All this will lead to is too many assumptions and false hope. If she sends you a request, don’t accept. Not yet. Give it a few dates. Trust T. Get to know the girl first not the girl she portrays herself to be online. Cool bro?

Bro Dress Code
First…read the Bro Dress Code chapter of course. Second, dress yo’ ass up. Doesn’t matter where you are going or what you are doing. If you can’t at least go with the “covers all date bases” bare minimum of a collared shirt, nice jeans and clean shoes then you should never be allowed to go on a date ever again bro.

The First Date
The first date should always be at a place you’ve been to before. Know the place. The menu. The staff. The specialty drinks. The closest parking lot. The best table. The drafty window. Everything. You are here to impress. Save the neutral spots and spontaneous adventure dates for when you know each other a little better. No skydiving on date one stupid ass.

Seriously bro? Flirt. That’s a given. Make her smile but be genuine about how you do it. Make her laugh with you, at you and be sure you can laugh at yourself. Get dessert. Share it. Touch her. Compliment her. Smile. Don’t stop smiling. Unless you choke on spicy edamame. If you try to keep smiling during that then you will look like a psycho. And will probably choke to death.

If you hear your voice more than hers then you’re done before you even got a chance. Shut up bro. Ask key questions then let her talk. Women love to talk. A lot! So listen and learn everything you can then be a man and use what she tells you to make jokey jokes and flirty flirts. Boom. You’re doing it Peter! You’re doing it!!! You are the Pan!

No phones!
DON’T EVER TAKE YOUR PHONE OUT ON THE FIRST DATE! You don’t need to text, talk or Facebook anyone for the next few hours. She is the only thing that matters right now. The date is the most important thing in your life at that moment bro. If she takes her phone out, kindly ask her to put it down because you want her attention. If she doesn’t and keeps texting her stupid BFF then cut the date short bro and end it right there with her. SHE IS NOT INTO YOU. She is only into herself. Buh-bye.

Body Language
Yours? Always point your body in her direction if you can. Hers? She’ll do the same. If she leans in to talk, you lean in. She pulls back, you pull back. Just like on a sales call bro, reflective body language. Keep eye contact. Look for casual touches on your arms and legs. She’ll touch her hair. She’ll laugh and touch her chest. There’s movement when two people are attracted to each other. There’s touching. That’s nature’s mating call bro. Keep howling.

The end to date one
If you went through all the above and you’re both smiling as you end the night then congrats bro, you just had a great date one. Now go home because….

No Sex!
That’s right! No sex. Because if you do bump uglies then you aren’t dating bro. You two are banging and it doesn’t matter how old you are, there is no dating if the banging comes first. Never. That rule has been around since the cavemen. No sex on date one. Sorry. A long hug and/or a soft kiss then go home.

No social media part 2
Again…STAY OFF OF EACH OTHER’S SOCIAL MEDIA!!! Get to know each other first. Talk about your friends before she sees them comment on your stuff. Tell her about your crazy family before she knows what they look like. Talk about that crazy trip to Vegas before she assumes you killed two hookers in the desert because of the super secret coded comment your buddy made on that one Vegas check-in from 2009. See what I’m saying bro?

Date Two
This is where you both step your game up and this is where both of your guards really start to come down. The introductions are done. This is where you find out how much chemistry you two crazy kids really have. Repeat steps from date one. Just more of it bro.

Date Three
Now you’re dating. Whether or not you’re dating other people bro is another story. But date three is when two people are dating. This is the big one. You know each other. You should want each other. And oh yeah…now it’s time for sex. If you’re not comfortable enough around each other at this point, if you aren’t dying to rip each other’s clothes off at this point, then it isn’t going anywhere. You just let it go this far hoping something would click. Stop it. Don’t go any further. If the magic is there bro, then welcome to the promise land!

And Beyond…
Not sure. Can someone write Bro Relationship Code??? Because I sure can’t. This is T-blawg, remember? LOLz.


Bro Dating Code? Yeah, I wrote that chapter with my eyes closed. You’re welcome. 15 chapters in the book. 15 ways of my life that every dude on this planet should learn, live and respect. But the bottom line is…like all of the Bro Code chapters is this…be a man, live your life and have a lot of fun bro. That’s the ultimate Bro Code rule. Trust T. Shit, always trust T.


Until next time. Always take it there.