I am not using this space to glorify anything from my past today. There will not be any signs of sarcasm or any profanity here today. I am not going to give this one a label from one of my many guy rules, plans or formulas that have shaped my life and this site. There will be no dating stories, sports stories or Boston stories today. There will be no advice given. I am not venting. This one is about being a better man and why I have to be a better man and how I’m going to be a better man. This is me writing to myself one more time. With an audience watching.
Old habits are hard to kill. I am very aware of all my habits, both good and bad. I am aware of how routine I can be at times. I know that I am stuck in my ways. I know that I am very stubborn. I know that I always think that I am right. I’m very aware of how passionate I can be and how I am quick to tell someone how much I love them or how much I hate them. I spoil the ones that I love. Too much, too soon. I know that I am cold to those that I consider not worthy enough to be in my inner circle. I know that I waste too much time and energy trying to reach out to those that are no longer in that circle. I am aware that sometimes I use my past and what I didn’t have as a crutch that allows me to brag and boast about how hard I work and about everything I have now. I know that my look, body, scars, tattoos and accent contradict everything in the life I really live now. And I know that I am flawed beyond belief and my pride will never allow me to ask for help or work on the issues I should really work on. I am very self-aware and at this point in my life, I am the man I am going to be for the rest of my life. But that doesn’t mean I can’t take all of this and still become a better man. Because I want to. I have to. For me. I can travel all over the world now when I want but my everyday world is becoming smaller. That’s the world I live in; filled with the people, places and things I love. That’s what I am focusing on. I want to be a man who inspires people. Those who believe that they could never reach the life people told them they could never have. I want to be a man who is recognized as being accomplished, not rich. I want to be a man who is known for his integrity, not as someone who waivers. I want to be a man who is admired for his life wisdom acquired from always having a thirst for knowledge, not as a man who is filled with regret from not doing. I want to be a man who is known as a good husband; a protective father; and an amazing provider for his family, not as an old, single man who can still be seen with a young woman night after night at the newest establishment in the city. I want to be a man who lives a fulfilling life now while building for an amazing future, not as man who constantly reminds himself about the boy he used to be and the life he once lived. I want to be a better man.
I don’t think at my age I need to improve my work ethic; my ambition; my confidence or my big heart (as so many people have surprisingly called it). My existing relationships with those I have in my life are solid. The bulk of my tangible goals are almost entirely checked off my list. Those are all fine on their own and are the pillars that I have to build on now. Without the foundation I have already created I don’t think I would be able to improve myself. I have lived a fantastic life that I didn’t think would ever be possible but I still have so many qualities and traits I need to work on. I’ll never be a perfect man. Not for myself. Not for a woman. Not for anyone I know now or in the future. But I can always try to improve myself. I can do something every day both big and small. Because I am going to become a better man.
Until next time. Always take it there.