T-pisode 252: The “A Theory”

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This may possibly be the only time I'll get to use a Sesame Street pic on T-blawg. And Grover is the shit by the way!
This may possibly be the only time I’ll get to use a Sesame Street pic on T-blawg. And Grover is the shit by the way!

I like to think of myself as a realist. A hands on factual kind of guy. Take things into my own hands and make something happen instead of waiting around. I was never one to really buy into the whole system of life signs, coincidences or fate in my earlier days. Now I do believe in the whole “do good, get good” and “do bad, get bad” way of life and “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” That is true. That I NOW believe in. But one sort of idea slash theory I have had for the last 15 years and I’m a firm believer in is my “A Theory.” A few close people know about my “A Theory” and they think I’m crazy. What the hell is the “A Theory” you ask? Well of course it has to do with women. I mean this is T-blawg still right? What else did you think it would be? Let me explain it.

Over the years I have known a lot of women. Some good, some bad, some important, some not. But the ones who have had a major impact on my life throughout the years and have played roles in my life that forever changed me have ALL had first names that end in the letter A. Yep. I swear to Baby Jesus. They are the elite special ones. My cousin thinks it’s because 75% of women have first names that end in the letter A and it’s just a major coincidence and because I’m a deep thinking writer. But his two daughters, two of my youngest nieces have first names that end in A. And one is one of my two god-daughters. So he and I differ on this one. And here’s why. Let me tell you about the other women along with my two nieces who have or HAD first names that end in the letter A and what they mean to me. You ready? First, my mother AND my sister’s first names both end in the letter A. Without a single doubt they are the two most influential women of my entire life. My first crush and the reason I am still in a blood feud with Jason Giambi, ended in the letter A. The girl I lost my virginity to many moons ago, ended in the letter A. My first great one I think. One of my best friends from college and part of my west coast family, ends in the letter A. The girl from Vegas that became more than the girl from Vegas, ends in A. The hot model girl from South Beach and the only woman to EVER ROOFIE ME, ended in A. My #1 Los Angeles woman who even named a character after me in her TV show, ends in A. My “Bullpen” homegirl in NYC, ends in A. The girl who almost had a piece of my heart but got deported back to Brazil just in time, ended in A. Poor girl. The young girl I took to Paris??? Waaaiiitttt for ittttt….ended in A. The girl I used to work with, went to London with and is still a good pal ends in A. The woman I took to Italy, her name ends in the letter A. But that woman also happens to be my mother. One of the strongest, most important, most original and most amazing women I have ever met, her name ends in the letter A. And finally, the only woman who I EVER went back to, who I ever said “I love you” to, who made me finally think that I could get married & have kids with and who stole my entire heart and still scares me a little…her name ends in A. Now do you see why I have the “A Theory?” Am I crazy? Don’t answer that.

Coincidence? Fate? Signs? Karma? Or just a guy who writes and comes up with a lot of shit? You can decide. Me? I’m going with the “A Theory” because this is my life and I got to experience all of this and these women and there’s no way it’s just a coincidence. They all can’t be coincidence or signs. And odds are, the woman I end up marrying will have a first name that ends in the letter A. She’ll be a special one like the rest of them. Except she will be the last special one. Unless we give our daughters names that end in the letter A too. Karma is a good name for a girl right? The “A Theory” explained….the only theory of my entire life. But it’s a good one. Just like all of them.



Until next time. Always take it there.