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I don’t think it matters if you ended the relationship, she/he ended the relationship or you both somehow agreed to end it together but it’s always interesting to see the type of person your ex dates after you isn’t it? It’s like we just HAVE to know. And we just HAVE to pass judgment on them. On our ex. On the new person. On THEIR relationship. It’s something we all do. Don’t deny it. And I’m here to tell you today that it is an ugly trait that somehow finds it’s way into our lives and it’s a negative energy that can be both unhealthy and absolutely crushing.
The length of the relationship and/or the abundance of love you felt are the two things that will always determine how much or how little you care about someone after the break up. This is a damn fact. It’s science people! The older you get the more time and energy are put into the relationships that actually have real substance. I’m not talking about the people you only hooked up with. I’m not talking about the people you only went on a date or two with. Because you either don’t care about those people after you stop seeing them or you are adult enough to wish them the best after you no longer want to see them. I’m talking about the people that we have that long-term and strong love for. The ones we actually thought were going to go somewhere. Those are the exes that meant something so it is never easy to accept the person after you. A recent ex of mine started to date a guy that I immediately deemed unworthy and a complete loser. From the little I knew, I passed judgment. And when I go back and look at it now I absolutely realize it was wrong. I’ve always preached that I am no better than anyone else and I am not on this planet to compete with anyone. ANYONE. And yet, there I was passing judgment on her, him and their relationship. Sure I was comparing shit like looks, money, goals, ambition, life status and laughing at the shit I saw on social media. At the time it felt good. And then time passed. And then I felt like a complete asshole. Because bottom line? She could’ve been dating a professional model making fifty million a year while giving more than half of it to cancer research and starving kids and I still would’ve found something wrong with the guy. I still would’ve labeled him a loser. And I still would’ve been insulted that I once dated “a girl like that.” Yep. It’s wrong. I was wrong. But it’s never easy to see the person after you. Today I admit that.
“Time heals all wounds.” “Forgive and forget.” Sayings that we all hear a lot in life and we tend to say to others a lot in life. But both apply to the time after a relationship has ended more than anything else in life. I’m not saying it’s ok to pass judgment on the person after you or on your ex. I’m saying it’s ok to have a damn grieving period but then you have to move on. Just know that there will NEVER be anyone better than you and you are NOT better than anyone else. So don’t even try to compare. None of us need that negative energy in our lives. An ex is an ex for a reason. Let them move on and figure out what’s best for them. And always remember, you have your own “person after them” that they’re passing judgment on. So make that person after them even more special to you.
Until next time. Always take it there.
T
T-blawg 