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This is something I have experienced on both sides. This is something I have seen in every casual dating, serious relationship, long & short-term engagement and marriage in every partnership around me. I’m calling it “The 60/40.” I don’t know a single relationship that is an equal 50/50 split. Nope. Where both the man and the woman are equal giving partners in the relationship. Not a single one in my time. Not one that I have been in. And certainly not one in any form of relationship I have witnessed from a third-party point of view in all my years on this planet. Some people may not want to read this, but you know what? It’s the truth. And that’s what I do here. Here’s “The 60/40” defined.
A couple of years ago I was in a relationship where I was clearly the one giving 60% and she was giving 40%. How? Why? I don’t know. Maybe because I am too giving in relationships. Maybe because she doesn’t give enough in relationships. Or maybe it was just “our” relationship at the time and that’s how it was supposed to be. But I did and gave and loved a lot more than she did. But I have also been on the other side when I didn’t want to give enough or love enough or participate enough and I was the 40. I see relationships and I see how one gives just a little bit more. Loves a little bit more. Puts a little bit more work in than the other. You see this when one kind of drives the relationship by telling the other what to do, when to do it, how to do it. How one chooses what the couple does and where they go more than the other. How they run the house more. How one picks and chooses what the kids do or what they wear and the other just kind of goes along with it. How one has a “Girls Night Out” more often than the other has a “Guys Night Out.” When one’s personality has a clear stamp on the relationship and the other kind of gives up their entire identity when in a relationship. That’s “The 60/40” in a nutshell. Now I always thought a relationship should be 50/50. But even the casual dating isn’t like that. One has to text first. Call first. Plan the night out more. Ask to see them more. 60/40. Wants to meet their friends & family more. Plans the vacation. Chooses date night out once a month. 60/40. Take a look at your current dating/relationship/marriage. You know damn well if you’re doing juuust a little bit more or if your “partner” is. That’s 60/40. Is this how it’s supposed to be? Is 50/50 impossible? I wonder more now than I did then. Because my goal has always been 50/50 or bust. But I think that is changing.
I don’t know if 50/50 is possible for anyone and honestly? I only care whether or not I’m happy wherever I end up. If I’m happy in a 60/40 then so be it. If I realize I’m not? Then I’m back on the quest of finding that ever-elusive 50/50 relationship. Relationships are a partnership. Love is a partnership. Communication is a partnership. When one does more than the other then you’re on a lopsided ship most likely doomed to sink in the middle of the ocean. And for some reason you are blindsided when the relationship ends…when the marriage results in divorce…or when the dating just stops. But if you pay attention and know what side of “The 60/40” you are on then you’ll be just a little better off my friends. Because I most certainly pay attention a lot more now.
Until next time. Always take it there.
T
T-blawg 