I turned 40 years old this past summer. There was even a FUCKING rare solar eclipse on that day where I swear to Baby Jesus aliens used the eclipse to sneak onto Earth when everyone was staring at the sun getting blinded like dopes and the aliens are now plotting a takeover. Of course I have no proof of this but it’s what the screenwriter in me thinks so fuck off. But this milestone birthday was supposed to be something. Something big. This birthday was supposed to be…in the words of our orange asshole son of a bitch bastard idiot President…yuuuuuggggeeeee!!!! However, my 40th birthday DID NOT go according to plan, man. Going old school 3 paragraph style today here kiddies!!!
Look, let me break this down for you. I’m 40 and I’m not married and I have NO kids. And I’m totally cool with that. So everything I do is only about me unless I care enough about friends or family or a special woman or two or three of them and make it about them. But mostly, my life is about me. Shit. And whether you like it or not, we all get one day a year to call our own and that day is our birthday. I get and deserve MY day as a single man. A grown man. As a damn human. I only get one day. Cool. But there are 364 other days every year where my ass has to be somewhere for someone else or has to be buying gifts or treating someone else or celebrating something or recognizing a shit ton of other birthdays for adults and kids alike; and there are child births; bachelor parties; going away parties; weddings; christenings; house-warming parties; anniversaries; graduations; baptisms; communions…etc…etc…but when my 1 DAY A YEAR rolled around this year…the fuck happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I got a bunch of bullshit excuses about how or why people couldn’t celebrate this year. I got a bunch of shit for trying to put a fun group Napa Valley trip together even before I even gave these “fun” people prices & date options. I also had recently “ended it” with a couple of hooking up quality and definitely not serious level lady friends with benefits so I didn’t expect to see them on MY day. And…oh…yeah…my mother had a huge ass, serious cancer related operation that we’re still dealing with treatment for. So, there I was…am…hurt…pissed…feeling let down. On my birthday. Man, no one should hurt on their birthday yet there I was. I mean it wasn’t all bad though. I did get to have a small party with my immediate family in my sister’s backyard and my niece FaceTimed from Italy after I got to go to the Red Sox/Yankees game on my company’s tab. Got to have a nice birthday lunch with a really good woman I like. And a bunch of people from work took me out and got me extremely shitfaced where I made some bad but fun at the time decisions. So 25% good. But 75% disappointment from all the other shit that I had going on and weighing me down. This just wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
By the time all this had happened I didn’t even want to talk to let alone look at anyone trying to hang out or take me out after all this shit. I felt like I was utterly let down. I couldn’t help it but I looked at all of them and how much I was there for them, their kids, their milestones, their birthdays…their DAYS and I didn’t see many of them when I expected them to be there for me. Not just for my birthday but for what I was going through with my mother. All that hurt & disappointment turned to anger and I’m steaming a little just writing all this. I mean look how funny I started this T-pisode up top. It just shows me that I’m not ready to move on quite yet. I mean I will. I always move on. But not until this year ends. Not until my mother is ok. Not until we get through this. But I made this promise to myself…no it’s more of a vow and that vow is this…I will not celebrate a thing for anyone that let me down until I feel like I can celebrate with them once again. Like I said, I’m 40 now and I can make decisions like that and no one can say shit to me or do shit to me about it. Just like so many didn’t say or a do a single thing while all this was happening. I’ll move on…eventually.
Should grown adults treat others the way they get treated on their birthdays? I say abso-fucking-lutely. What do you say?
And next week I’ll be sure to “grieve” about this some more because next week is THE 9TH ANNUAL AIRING OF GRIEVANCES ON T-BLAWG IN FESTIVUS 9!!! AKA Fest 9! The LAST T-pisode of 2017!!!
Get your damn popcorn…or tissues ready. I’m going to fuck shit up like never before.
Until next time. Always take it there.