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*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.
I wrote about success so it was only a matter of time before I wrote about failure. I’ve seen failure far too many times in my life. Whether it was watching someone very close give up on himself, his family, his future, his freedom and his life because he accepted being a failure even though he would never admit it or even experiencing failure firsthand for myself. The major driving force in my life has always been that I could never allow myself to be like my father. Not as a man. Not as a husband. Not as a dad. That was the greatest fear of failing for me. It wasn’t failing school because that fear made me get all the A’s. It wasn’t failing my driver’s test because I got that in one try because I needed a car to get away. All that basic stuff that normal kids were afraid of failing at was never in the equation. My picture was bigger. I couldn’t fail at life.
I take my failures like I take my accomplishments. In different aspects of my life and it’s all a matter of perspective. I didn’t find “the one” and get married. Failure? No. It just wasn’t meant to happen for me back then. Hollywood has said no to every idea, script and treatment I have pitched so far. Failure? No. I didn’t show the right person the right idea yet. I haven’t made enough money yet to take care of my family. Failure? No. I’m chipping away, the money is coming in faster & larger and my family is happy. That’s perspective. But I did fail one time. Not too long ago I was doing contract work for a living. I was a hired gun. The money was great, I had fantastic flexibility and I was able to work on my writing. Then my contract ended and then the economy tanked. I had no job and no income. I went 16 months without work. I didn’t have anyone I could or would ask for help. I always gave my parents money so I couldn’t go to them. They didn’t have it. They never owned a house for me to move back into. I didn’t have grandparents to borrow money from. I didn’t have a Plan B. I couldn’t believe that all the stuff I went through in life, all the good grades, all the college education I received, the degree itself all led to this…I failed. I fell on my ass and I had nothing. It was the worst feeling in the world. I was in a deep hole and I couldn’t climb out. But like a phoenix I finally rose from the ashes. MY way. I went to Hollywood and killed it but they all said no again. But this time I left with career advice and a strong network. I created a social media company and it failed but I got to create and keep T-blawg, my growing baby. I gave up the heavy weights at the gym and learned dirty boxing and meditation. I changed my body and mind. I read countless books. I wrote countless pages. I honed my craft. Then I applied for a two month contracting gig and later turned it into the highest paying and most successful full-time job of my entire career. I rebuilt myself in every way, shape and form. That was the last time I would ever allow myself to fail. That’s the promise I made myself and never looked back after I turned it all into a success.
I can’t start this paragraph by saying “No one likes to fail.” Because that’s a lie. I know far too many people who like to fail. They embrace failure. They are content with it. It’s their way of life. Not me though. Failing is the darkest place I could ever go. It’s Hell to me. But as much as I don’t want to and as hard as I work I know that I will fail again. I’m human. I make mistakes and I can’t control everything. I just know that the failure I have seen and experienced has made me ready for almost anything and if the next failure I face is something I have never seen before? Then I’ll do what I always do. Find a way to turn that failure into a success. Because like I said earlier, I can’t fail at life. It’s just not in me.
Until next time. Always take it there.
T
T-blawg 