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*Way back in T-pisode 187 I wrote about the word forgiveness followed by T-pisode 205 where I defined my version of the word success. Two of the most difficult T-pisodes I ever forced myself to write but felt I had to share. A lot of people want to know more about my opinions on life and how I see things the way I do and the reasons behind it all. So I’m obliging. For the next 10 Mondays 2/17/14-4/21/14 I am going to write about a particular word and show the world how I define it. Something different but I hope you take something away from it all. Enjoy.
I don’t like the fact that I spent a large part of my life being all too familiar with the word hate. I’m both embarrassed and ashamed of that as I look back and write this. But I’m at a point in my life now where I can recognize that and turn it into something positive so someone out there can hopefully learn from it. Hate without a doubt is a very powerful, passionate and evil word. And I firmly believe no one is born with hate inside of them. It is something that is taught, seen, felt and forced upon. And it will fester, grow and consume you once it finds its way inside of you. From your brain to your core to your heart to your very soul. Every fiber of your being gets overtaken by hate. It is a damn cancer.
I’ve always had a great sense of humor and deep down in my heart I always wanted to do good and be good even when I was being bad. I got that small good part placed inside my heart by my mother. Without that good in me and without her raising me the way she did, I would’ve went down another path in life. That I am most certain of. Because unfortunately, I am also my father’s son. The bad seeds were planted in me and he found many ways to make them grow. Now I can’t sit here and write this today and put all of it on him because I’m my own man and I take responsibility for some of this. But let me tell you this, if you are a parent and you do hateful things in front of your kids and say hateful things to your kids it WILL make the kid hateful. Without a shadow of a doubt. If you tell your 10 year-old son that he will never be anything in life or that he never should have been born or that the doctors shouldn’t have saved him when he was sick as a baby or if another relative dies and you tell him it should have been him instead, that kid will know nothing but hate. Because he doesn’t know any better. But you should as a parent. My father split my head open with a radio plug once. I would take getting my head split open over what I felt every time he said something hateful and vicious to me. I would’ve taken a physical beating over every single messed up thing I saw him do to my mother. All the good in one kid, all the funny jokes that kid can come up with, all the money given to help his parents out with the bills, all the straight A’s that kid brought home from school could never make a hateful person change. Believe me, I tried. So what happens after that? The hate goes in. Self-hatred. And that is the worst kind of hate. That’s when you change and become a hateful person yourself. But thankfully I changed that awful trait inside of me later in life because of that small good I always had in me. That’s what I decided to grow within myself instead of the hate when I started to mature and become my own man. I focused on the good. The positive. The happy. I even learned to let even more good inside of me and then I started to give it back out. That killed the hate inside of me. I was lucky because I was loved by some amazing people who wanted the best for me. But some people never get rid of their own hate. And that is sad.
Some people hate someone they don’t even know because of the color of their skin. Because of their religion. Because of their sexual orientation. They don’t even have a valid reason to hate. But you know what the real reason is? The real reason someone is hateful is because they hate themselves. Let them deny it all they want. I know some rich, successful, good-looking people who have everything in the world but they are just so damn hateful. Because that’s all they know. That’s all they ever knew. Hate is powerful. Hate is consuming. Hate is ugly. I do my best not to hate anyone or anything now because I just don’t have it in me anymore. It’s exhausting. If you’re a good person then it should take so much in you to hate someone you just can’t do it. Because you know it’s wrong. Because you don’t have hate in you. Because you are not a hateful person. Like I said, I know way more about hate than I want to. But I also know that I am not a hateful person today. Don’t be hateful.
Until next time. Always take it there.
T
T-blawg 